Real Over Ideal

Summary In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the complex topic of masking neurodivergent traits. She discusses the pros and cons of masking, its impact on mental health, and the importance of context and safety in deciding when to mask.  Vanessa emphasizes that masking is not inherently good or bad but should be a choice rather than a necessity. The episode also includes p...

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin and guest, Diana Magallon Romero, Licensed Clinical Counselor, delve into the complex topic of grief, exploring its many facets and surprise- grief goes way beyond the loss of life.  Vanessa and Diana discuss how grief is a response to change, whether it's losing a loved one, a friend, a job, or even a way of life. Diana shares her insights as a clinical coun...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of denial as a psychological defense mechanism. She discusses how denial can provide temporary comfort but ultimately leads to greater issues if not confronted. Through personal anecdotes and societal examples, she illustrates the dangers of denial and offers strategies for facing difficult truths. The episode also addresses...

It's the holiday season, and it's a time when people feel many things. Sometimes it's not all cheer or all good. This time of year can be hard on people because of stress, loneliness or real life pressure. The intensity of everything being "joyous" can feel like a heavy weight. We want to lighten things up with some real talk about lonely feelings-- and to suggest a few so...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the intricacies of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), exploring its unique approach and why it often gets misunderstood. She highlights the therapy's blend of cognitive techniques with mindfulness and emotion regulation, and discusses its potential pitfalls when applied rigidly. Vanessa offers alternative strategies for distr...

Hello Listener: If you’re enjoying this show: Please don’t forget to subscribe, rate the podcast and share with friends. Thank you for listening, wherever you are, around the globe. In this episode, Vanessa discusses her recording with podcast host and author, Kate Moryoussef, for the December 18th, 2025 episode of the “ADHD Women's Wellbeing” podcast.  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a...

In this episode, Vanessa provides real information about how chronic pain makes changes in your brain. She talks about the difficulties of coping with chronic pain and its invisibility to others around the person in pain. Vanessa discusses the very real pitfalls of chronic pain management programs and how they can facilitate shame instead of healing. Most importantly, this episode dives into ways...

Happy Thanksgiving, 2025 !  In honor of the day before Thanksgiving being a big travel day in the United States-- we're publishing a day early, in case it's a fun companion for your travels.  No matter where in the world you are-- you're getting an extended episode this week. But our podcast is heard in 37 countries and counting, so let us say: we wish you great holiday if you'...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the concept of a 'good vibes brain bank'—a mental space where individuals can deposit their small victories to combat negativity bias and enhance self-efficacy. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and celebrating minor accomplishments, which can significantly impact mental health and resilience. Through personal anec...

Join Vanessa Gorelkin as she delves into the complexities of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and the misconceptions surrounding it.  In this episode, Vanessa discusses the internet's tendency to mislabel emotional women as borderline and the impact of such stigmatization. She also offers practical advice for those overwhelmed by emotions, whether or not they have a BPD diagnosis. Here a...

Hey Listeners — did you catch the title reference? It’s a line from a 1990's movie. Think you know it? Email me at realoveridealpod@gmail.com with your guess — or if you just can’t stand the suspense before I reveal it in a future episode. 😊 This week, I’m talking about accessibility at work — not as a checkbox or a charity gesture, but as a real engine for innovation and creativity . The id...

It's just about Halloween, so that's why you've gotten such a scary title for an episode that hopefully will bring some rationality to the thought that the world and we are simply doomed. In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa explores the pervasive feeling of doom that many experience in today's world. She discusses the impact of constant negative news, the science behind...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the themes of misinformation and the importance of critical thinking in the age of social media. Using the iconic film The Breakfast Club as a backdrop, she discusses the Barnum Effect and how it influences our perception of truth. Vanessa emphasizes the need for media literacy and the importance of distinguishing between lived experien...

In this conversation concerning pearls of wisdom from Tracy Otsuka, Host of ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast, we explore the complexities of ADHD, practical tips for managing symptoms, the importance of identity, and the role of creativity and curiosity in neurodivergent individuals.  Tracy & Vanessa share personal anecdotes and insights on navigating a neurotypical world, emphasizing the sign...

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of aging, challenging societal norms and embracing the wisdom and creativity that come with age. Is it all about dieting and resistance to change? Aging for many people has become a cocktail of GLP-1 medications, skincare routines, and looking back to when we were younger than today. But where does acceptance fit in? In this episode of Real Ov...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the concept of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), exploring its emotional impact, particularly for those with ADHD. She discusses the physiological responses to perceived rejection and offers practical strategies for managing these intense feelings. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding RSD, developing coping...

**Update: Since this episode was recorded: Real Over Ideal has been downloaded in a total of 33 countries! Thank you for the support from:  USA, Canada, Germany, Singapore, UK, Brazil, Argentina, Czechia, Australia, Poland, France, India, South Africa, Denmark, Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Finland, UAE, Iceland, Italy, Poland, Ireland, Zambia, Greece, Ghana, Morocco, Malaysia, Serbia, Vietnam, Ecuado...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin and Andrew Luber discuss Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), exploring its definition, subtypes, and the lived experiences of those affected. Andrew shares his personal journey with ARFID, highlighting the challenges and coping strategies he has developed. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding, support, and h...

Time Blindness, Executive Function and ADHD Strategies  In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa delves into the concept of time blindness and its impact on our daily lives. This one is not just for people with ADHD-- but for anyone who can relate to overwhelm and anxiety from all of the juggling our daily lives demand. Discover six practical strategies to work with your brain, not...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal , host Vanessa Gorelkin and guest expert, Jessica Cook delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on boundaries, conflict resolution, and the impact of social media.  They discuss the importance of vulnerability and emotional awareness in navigating interpersonal dynamics, as well as the concept of the rupture-repair cycle, which emphasizes the potent...

It's "Back to School" time-- and even if you're not a student and don't have one in your life right now: this time of year can bring up a lot of "feels." Late diagnosis of ADHD is a real thing, and people express a lot of sadness and grief-- but also relief about the diagnosis. In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the often overlooked is...

In this companion episode to "Intuitive Eating and Living with Pam Moore," Vanessa Gorelkin walks the listener through a simple but powerful mindful eating exercise. If you'd like to participate, all you need do is get a raisin, another piece of dried fruit or a small bit of chocolate-- and find a quiet space to listen. We would love to hear from you about your experiences with mind...

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin speaks with Pam Moore, an occupational therapist turned health and fitness journalist and comedian.  Here's everything you need to know about Pam Moore: Pam Moore is an occupational therapist-turned-award-winning health and fitness freelance journalist, intuitive eating coach, and standup comic. As an intuitive eating coach, her mission is...

Not every therapist is the right fit, and that's OK. In this episode of Real Over Ideal , Vanessa Gorelkin explains how to tell if your therapist is not serving your needs anymore. Vanessa discusses the the most common red flags in therapy, how to trust your instincts and what to do if you end the relationship. The power dynamics at play in therapeutic relationships is discussed.  This episod...

Dear Listeners, It's bonus episode time-- a gift of an early episode drop, from us to you, because we are so grateful that you are out there listening.  It's amazing to know that this little but mighty podcast has been downloaded on every continent and in 268 cities so far! We owe many thanks to you that our audience is growing. Whether you've shared the podcast on your social media...