Raccoon Court

Case #0031 -  Mel cannot think of a single sports movie plot to reference due to their brain being melted by work and insane shit happening in their personal life (not even surf’s up, the worlds best sports movie). Anti-counsel Ally dismisses the severity of Nodes . Judge Barbara Lynn reveals her chore song, and it’s NOT what you would expect. Angel of Death Ben Platt silently judges Mel through Z...

Welcome back to Raccoon Court! After almost a full calendar year, we are back in the courtroom, but before we get into new cases, we have to lay some ground rules ( which can be found here ). Honorable Prosecuties, Judges, and Anti-counsels Ally, BL, Jess, and Ilsa join Mel for a reading and open comment session on the rules while updating the jury about shit they've been up to since last Jul...

Case #0030 -  Can you tell all three of the people on the podcast are reading the Feminine Mystique together for book club? Mel acts as the resident internet historian on grave robbing and John Green. Judge Prosecutie Jess teaches us about otter mating rituals. Judge Ilsa is very brave.  NOTE - the plot point about the gay boyfriend that Mel was hallucinating about is from Clueless, not 10 Things...

Cross Examination #0006 - Defendant Judge BL outs herself as the #1 Nick Miller hater? Judge Prosecutie Jess is foiled by the shackles of heterosexuality. Mel reveals what celebrities they would like to have dinner with in 2009.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of June!   TW: murder, familial abuse, sexual relationships with a phone booth, Nazi mention...

Case #0029 -  ITS OUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!! Judge Ilsa did NOT watch either of the movies we talk about today. Prosecutie Jess dedicates herself to keeping good white people sayings alive via  oral tradition. Mel teaches her friends the differences between 🫰🏼and🫶🏼 and 🤌🏻.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of May!   TW: murder, attempted mur...

Case #0028 - Defendant Prosecutie Jess is making moves in silence. Judge BL gives us a much needed geography lesson. Mel “Sound Design is my passion” Bee provides original vocals in more than one segment of the podcast.   Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of April!   TW: Niall Horan in your ear, abuse, murder, assault, cops, endangering minors, anti-soci...

Case #0027 - Judge Gardiner tells tales from the Nest in the Hatchback. Prosecutie Jess pulls the most poetic fucking quotes out of her ass multiple times. Mel forces a stop in hyper fixation station by bringing up the Magnus Archives, again. Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of March!  CORRECTIONS : At time of recording, Lionsgate had 5.6 million tiktok...

Cross Examination #0005 - Jess declares the first man to ever eat. Mel regales her trials during the Big Time Rush Hiatus. The court discusses the many triumphs of Dr. Bridget Mendler. We discover that we may have been regressing to our 2010 selves in 2016.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session IN THE NEW YEAR!!!  TW: R. Kelly, Sean Kingston’s jet ski accident, mental...

Case #0026 - Mel says “If I’m going down, everyone else on the ship is going down with me” as justification for sending Ilsa and Jess the Josh Hutcherson Whistle edit multiple times a day. Prosecutie Jess tells us about how she used to explore Professor Leighton’s Diabolical Box ;) Judge Ilsa considers the rapture.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨during that c...

Case #0025 - Mel gets Trump’s IMDB credits incorrect (only Ivanka was actually seen on Gossip Girl, ugh). Judge Gardiner secret knits throughout the entire podcast. Prosecutie Jess and Judge Gardiner deliver killing blows to Mel’s ego.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨during that christmas creep✨ (maybe end of November).   TW: sexual assault, murder, surveilla...

Case #0024 - Prosecutie Jess “I’m Still Growing” Harkness says that Harry Potter is “just a sassy little guy.” Judge Gabby gets sad thinking about girls leaving home with their man husbands. Mel has a totally normal reaction to seeing noted magician and professional dnd player Freddie Wong on stage in San Francisco.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨when the moo...

Case #0023 - Judge Jess outs herself as an Empath. Judge BL discusses the implications of AI knowing about the Omegaverse. Prosecutie Mel never forgets a  duster. Also, towards the end, there is union busting.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨when the stars align ✨ (maybe end of July).   TW: mention of the Seattle Space Needle, Twilight/Vampires, knotting, the...

Case #0022 -  Defendant Jess brings up the gay undertones of the movie Shark Tale. Mel earns her herpetology and ichthyology badges on the podcast today. I had to cut out 6 extra minutes of gator talk. Judge Sarah asks the age old question, “ if you had half a baby, which half would you want?”  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session  on (maybe!) May 31st, 2023.  TW: men...

Case #0021  -  Mel is forced to defend James Corden, something she swore she would never do. Jury Member Alex forgets what character he plays in our DND campaign and refers to Hugh Grant as “that old fucker.” Prosecutor Sarah refuses to let old cases die. Supreme Jury Member Jess gets especially zilly this episode, and Jury Member Gabbie has to talk about her DND character’s awful hookups. Thank’s...

Case #0020 - Anti-counsel Ally says “It’s not a creative level of shit throwing.” Mel says “This dick too good… will kill. ” Judge Barbara Lynn says “I am … one of the foremost fanfiction academics in Spanish.”  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session (MAYBE) on April 15th, 2023 .  Also, we discuss the setting of After for quite some time in this episode. In reality, it...

Cross Examination #0004 - Mel manages to bring up three separate obscure PC games relating to this draft. Prosecutie Jess and Mel get derailed talking about Mongo from Shrek 2. We also pop into Hyperfixation Station to talk about The Magnus Archives for absolutely no reason.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session (DEFINITELY) on March 29th, 2023 .  TW: speculation abou...

Case #0019 - Prosecutie Jess pitches Moonstruck, the Nicholas Cage and Cher romcom, a couple of times over the course of the episode. Judge Barbara Lynn expands our understanding of Melissa’s Rules of Civil Fuckery and dubs this movie the McDonald’s Dollar Menu of romcoms. Mel cries over cheese.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session (MAYBE) on March 1st, 2023 .  TW: A...

Case #0018 - Judge Jess puts beta males in their place. Prosecutie Sarah tries to come for our ankles while still in an ankle brace herself and breaks the record for the most times “thats the thing though” has ever been say on the podcast. Prosecutor Mel outs herself as an Elton John enthusiast.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session on February 8th, 2023 .  TW: broken...

Case #0017 - Today, we find out if Veggie Tales or Twilight: Breaking Dawn is more similar to the Matrix trilogy. Defendant Alex is the first man on the podcast EVER and fights back against the 21st century’s greatest threat - the cultural mainstream. Prosecutie Jess and Defendant Alex turn this into a Sopranos podcast. Judge Mel revisits the PTSD she has from going to the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orl...

Cross Examination #0003 - despite coming up with the bracket, Mel cannot remember what the bracket actually is sorting the songs by. Is it which song is worse? Which song is more embarrassing to have on your Spotify Wrapped? NO ONE KNOWS! Mel takes a stand against classical music. Ally takes a stand against Lin Manuel Miranda. BL takes a stand against the establishment of the court.  Thank’s for s...

Case #0016 - Mel and Prosecutie Jess revisit their favorite M. Night Shamalan movie. Mel doesn’t finish her summary of the movie until an hour into the podcast. Prosecutie Jess learns new things about the movie Flubber.   NOTE: Mel says that Cameron develops film in a black room like 100 times in this episode. That is not a thing. She meant to say a darkroom. Please excuse her.   Thank’s for showi...

Case #0015 - Judge Barbara Lynn discovers that she is the only non-mathlete in the court. Mel convinces the members of the court to quit their jobs and work at Dairy Queen with her. Anti-counsel Ally tries to enter a Buzzfeed quiz into evidence. Pets of the pod Maizie (Ally’s cat) and Rue (BL’s dog) make silent appearances.   Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session on De...

Case #0014 - Mel does the Naked Mole Rap. Anti-counsel Ally convinces herself that the court case is actually about Closer by the Chain Smokers. Judge Juj launches an Anti-Halsey campaign.    Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session on November 30th, 2022 . I KNOW I SAID THE WRONG DATE AGAIN IM SO SORRY!  TW: misogyny, homophobia, frat houses, pre-covid clubs, Covid Follo...

Cross Examination #0002 - We learn that Jess, Sarah, and Mel all say “horror” with different accents, despite growing up on the same island. Prosecutie Sarah talks about her favorite pubes-based horror movie. Mel reminisces about King Bach’s spaghetti in the pocket vine. Prosecutie Jess talks about how hot the Scary Godmother is.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session...

Case #0013 - Mel relives her days as a Opti sailor. Co-counsel Ally details Sam Hunt’s crazy stalker behavior. Co-counsel Bisan gets excited about bowling.  Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session on October 26th, 2022 . TW: Ally mentions being a fan of Kanye West’s old music in this episode. She does not support Kanye’s actions or beliefs, especially the comments he mad...