Pure Boys: A Heartland Podcast

Fireproof our podcast please. Fireproof ALL podcasts PLEASE. We love you please. It's our 2 year anniversary and so of course we have to celebrate it with Stephen and Alex Kendrick by watching 2008's Fireproof!!! Kirk Cameron is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't save his marriage from his porn and boat addiction! Will his wife cheat on him with a bozo doctor? Will t...

If you haven't seen Clerks III yet skip this episode! Then watch Clerks III and come back and enjoy this episode! It's packed to the gills with Clerks III spoilers. But don't worry, I censored them so the only person they're actually spoiled for is Steve Creep (who is pretty bummed about it) I can't believe I put all of that at the start of the description when this movie features KEVIN SORBO AND...

First we had to solve a "code", then we wrestled with our angels and demons, now we've gone to Hell because this is an Inferno! Bobby Lang is back and E Nigma-ing all over the place. Honesty... we have no idea what this movie is about... and we watched it! If you can explain what happened in Inferno please write to us at pureboyspod@gmail.com or head to speakpipe.com/pureboys and leave us a voice...

Robert Langdon is back and in a Speedo! This time he's called into the Vatican to solve a mystery and save the lives of Cardinals and perhaps everyone?!?! Does he succeed? Not really!  Hey here's something fun... we accidentally commit a hate crime in this episode! Lock us up! Lock us up! Also all the clues are just statues pointing. Literally all of them. People consider Danny Brown a good w...

"What's another name for a mystery? Enigma! Mr E. Nigma. Edward Nigma". Just replace any of those words with Jesus, Mary Magdalenes p*ssy or cryptex and you've got 2006's The Da Vinci Code! Why is it even named that? Join Tom Hanks on a rollicking globe trotting adventure as he tries to solve a Mr E! Who is Jesus's great great great great great grandchild? I bet it's the lady who just happens to b...

Lucas Black Tokyo Drifts his way into our farts with this absolute gem of a movie. Directed by Dr Aaron Burns?!?!?! Will  Lucas Black save his girlfriends kids after he crashes their airplane  into a mountain? Will he get engaged to their mom? Will he then get  frickin LAID? The answers and more in this episode! We even teach you something really cool our youth pastor showed us in t...

Some people say that some things are impossible... but what if I told you that Nothing Is Impossible is the movie we're watching this week!?!?! David A.R. White makes his dream movie because it's all about a 39 year old (52) janitor gets his shot at joining an NBA team! Not as a janitor? As a real player! Sound far fetched? YEP! But Tommy Blaze wrote the script so you know it's good David A.R. Whi...

Baldwin is trying to destroy an Alaskan towns nativity scene! He doesn't appreciate the FACT that God knocked up a 13 year old girl. This movie had the alternate title of "Persecution Fetish: A Strawman Fable". It's great! Did you know that there's a war on Christmas? Don't these heathens know there's only 1 holiday in December that makes me want to shout from the rooftops and that's Christmas! It...

Christmas Chizz rolls on with, what is basically, another body swap movie?!?!?! Some 30 year old high school student absentmindedly wishes her parents weren't religious. For literally no reason this wish comes true and her parents become real pieces of crap. Yet another gentle reminder that if you're not religious you're a horrible person who is incapable of being nice or generous or kind or empat...

Body swap movies are back on the menu! Merry Christmas Cross Trade! William Baldwin and his 11 year old son switch bodies and Denise Richards almost becomes a "goof". You seen one body swap movie you seen them all. Except this one has Tom Arnold so you know it's good! Feels so good to be back and talking about Christmas movies again. FEELS GOOD TO BE HOME BABY!!! David A.R. White or Tyler Perry hi...

Chizz in your pants the Pure Boys are back!!! Merry Christmas Cross to you and yours this CHRISTMAS season (none of that Holiday s*it) Madea heads to the south to celebrate Christmas with characters we've never seen or heard of before (who weren't invited to the family reunion apparently). She meets some interesting characters and is completely uninvolved with the plot to save the towns Christmas...

The boys are back in town for 1 night only! We're back (a dinosaur story) to talk about Boo 2! A Madea Halloween! The show is coming back full time in December though so this is just an appetizer to keep you going. Like free breadsticks! Madea is back and Joe is better than ever! Honestly this is the worst Madea movie we've watched but even a bad Madea movie is better than a good Christian movie s...

What a wild ride JV Summer: Wine Not has been! Unfortunately due to cirCUMstances we have to pause Pure Boys until October. That means this absolutely awfully great movie is the Grand Salami of Jon Voight Summer: Wine Not.  Honestly what is there to say about this movie other than Stuart Paul (who is I guess related to Jon Voight) wrote, directed and starred in this movie so he could make out with...

Jon Voight, Squirt Reynolds (star of Hitting the Breaks), Ned Beatty and the villain from Robocop go on a lovely canoe trip down da riva and nothing unpleasant happens at all. PSYCH there's so much unpleasantness! Welcome to Jon Voight Summer: Wine Not! What a wild ride (much like the canoe trip) this episode is. So much talk about JV, SR, BME PO and so much more! I'd like to make a correction in...

My penis don't want none unless you got BUNS HUN! When Jon Voight lazily kidnaps a group of documentarians trying to ruin some secret tribes existence... it's up to J Lo and Ice Cub to stop him (oh and also Eric Stolz but he's in a coma for 85% of this movie). JV gives the performance of a lifetime as a man obsessed with the Nikki Mijanj song "Anaconda" which if you seen the video... who isn't!?!?...

The best part about being a teen girl, is getting to have a Jon Voight Summer! Yaaaaaaah Weh! Jon Voight summer rolls on with a return to the J Off Family Ranch. Wouldn't you know it... Lenny is being a huge pain the a$$ again as she's STILL searching for her faja despite everyone in her life telling her to leave it alone. Doesn't matter though because Sheriff Nip/Tuck is here to ask for Mother Fo...

Jon Voight is back and his limp is barely bugging him!  When James Caan tries to steal a parcel of his land it's up to JV and his family to stop him. But also they owe money to the bank. But also his son has a gambling addiction and owes money to some shady fellers. But also his grand daughter wants to know who her father is. But also the government is lying to them. But also there are wolves on t...

Cowgirl Summer is back with COWGIRL SUMMER II: WINE NOT That's right! We're drinking wine and watching cowgirl movies all summer long. The pink cowboy hats are back. Cowgirl by choice... gotta ride. Life could be a dream and we're starting things off right with 2018's Orphan Horse starring Jon Voight.  Just try saying Orphan Horse out loud and you'll see why it's a delight for your mouth. This mov...

May I Take My Clothes Off comes (eh eh) to it's SHOCKING conclusion with the grand daddy of all male stripper movies... The Full Monty. Did you know that the full monty refers to a stripper getting their dinger out? I guess women strippers are just expected to go the full monty because otherwise they're just go go dancers and who cares! When the steel plant closes in the town of Sheffield, a bunch...

Leave your inhibitions at the door, the show is about to begin! Since we've been talking about hunky male strippers all month it only seemed appropriate to talk about the most inappropriate female stripper movie of all time! Join Adam, Steve and special guest Abe-O (who went as Abraham Omaha the last time he was on the show) as we talk all about our favourite movie of all time... Showgirls!!! Pure...

*IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT* We hate doing Mid Week Freak Treats because the shows are so terrible so we're taking a break from them for the summer. Does that mean no episode this Thursday?!?! Hell no we've got something extra special lined up for this Thursday don't you worry! The Chocolate City boys are at it again! This time they're blatantly ripping off Magic Mike XXL despite dogging on the franch...

Yin yin yin yin yin the boys are back in town. Except it's none of the same boys. Simon is GONE. Jacob is IN. Nobody cares. Grab your hog and hold on cause you're in for the ride of your life baby. This episode is kind of a meanderer but we do discover some shocking secrets about Mr Bean so make sure to stay tuned for that nonsense. Check out our youtube page for all kinds of stupid videos and chu...

Once you're done with a road trip to Myrtle Beach you gotta make a stop in... Chocolate City!!! This movie is just 90 minutes of stripping which honestly gets a little tired. But are the strippers great? Of course they are! Is Spawn the Dallas of these strippers? Of course he is! Is Bolo the hottest hunk with the biggest hog? OF COURSE HE IS!!!! We lose our G-D minds in this episode. Kevin Sorbo's...

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GLUE here comes the GLUE ready or not (haha) how you like me now? Magic Mike is back and XXL as ever. A road trip to Myrtle Beach is all it takes to get Mike out of retirement and back on that stage. Luckily he's been keeping himself cut as frick while making furniture. All the boys are back (except Dallas and the Kid) and better than ever. Remember how we wished to get to know the rest of the mal...