Pork Fried Dice - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast

Last week, we discovered that the burgomaster had some real, live skeleton cats living in his house, along with a real, live wizard! What is this guy's deal? Why does he hate his dad so much? The wizard claims that all is NOT well in Vallaki, which is obvious, but we're not entirely sure all is well in his weird, secret attic room, either. Music by AbBowie Cross and Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)...

Last week, we spent a lot of time making horrible discoveries, investigating rooms, moving bodies, yelling at each other, rendering privies unusable, and yelling at each other more. Then we found a room full of still ghosts. Oh wait, that was important, right? Madame Eva save us all. Will we figure this shit out? Do any of our listeners still have hope that we're not totally incompetent? Tune in t...

The Burgomaster's Mansion. A house of death. And murder. And dead people. And murdered people. Did this somehow turn into a game of Clue? Is Batthwack really Mrs. Peacock? How long before one of the party finds a wrench or a lead pipe? Music by AbBowie Cross and by audionautix.com.

Last week, we tried to figure out if the Baroness was trustworthy enough to commit murder for. Will certainly seemed to think so. But will they go through with it? Or will Raphina be successful in convincing the group that we shouldn't kill the baron? We all know what happened at the windmill. We're really good at listening to reason. On a side note, support small businesses! We haven't been paid...

Last week, we sat down to sup with the baron of Vallaki, where we partook of a huge traditional Barovian meal and were offered new jobs in the town guard. A mysterious note begging for help was surreptitiously dropped in Lank's lap - so what are we going to do about it? Music by AbBowie Cross and Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://cre...

After grilling Rictavio for information on hunting vampires, delving too deeply into the personal lives of wereravens, and hunting through Vallaki in vain for a Blinsky that was uncharacteristically grumpy towards Will, the party decided to accept the Baron's dinner invitation. At the dinner table, a certain dish was *almost* revealed... what is it?! Are you some kind of foodie? Then join us to fi...

Last time, the group headed back to Vallaki to bury one of the Martikovs and then did a few things on their own. As Will got a shave and a haircut (two bits!), a comb (it's not just a stick!), and some information about what had been happening while the party was at the Wizard of Wines, the rest of the party discovered they had been invited to a dinner with the burgomaster. Then Will paid a visit...

Last time, we encountered Strahd von Zarovich and he was, as usual, a giant pot of stewed asshole. After surviving the encounter and attempting to make Yester Hill a more peaceful place by ridding it of an evil tree, we set off back to Vallaki with a few of Martikovs. Let's see if we can give poor Adrian the respectful sendoff he deserves. Music by AbBowie Cross and and Anttu Janhunen (@anttu-janh...

After we survived the battle of Yester Hill, the giant jerkwad known as Strahd von Zarovich showed up and called us his friends. Join us as we find out how this conversation goes. Hint: We're not his friends. Music by AbBowie Cross and http://audionautix.com/.

'TIS THE BATTLE OF YESTER HILL! An extra long episode for all of you, full of battle-y goodness. Music by AbBowie Cross.

Last time, we discovered another reason why there seems to be such a limited amount of fun in Barovia. Without a steady supply of wine, even a non-cursed country would get pretty dreary. So we've got to help the Martikovs! Will we find anything out as Will and Bernard fly over Yester Hill to do a little scouting in anticipation of a battle with the evil druids? Music by Raphina Phalangepot and aud...

Last time, we found Strahd's secret vampire diary and read it aloud, like we didn't know what a damn diary was. RUDE! Now that we've cleared the winery, what next? And why are the vineyards in such crappy shape? Music by Ab-Bowie Cross and audionautix.com.

We're going on a druid hunt! At the end of our last session, we were about to be subdued by Tangly Walks (or, you know, the Entangle spell, if you're at all capable of remembering what the actual spell names are). Let's find out if our heroes will kick these druids asses! And more importantly, let's see if they find what Madame Eva sent them to the winery for in the first place. Music by Ab-Bowie...

Last time, we continued to explore the Wizard of Wines, finding random piles of twigs everywhere and encountering some creepy, bloody-faced Druids along the way. Finally, a behorned, animal-skin-clad woman got effed up by one of Batthwack's javelins and fell into a vat of wine in the fermentation room. Noooo! Save the wine! ... or will we just put a lid on it and hope for the best? Anyone up for s...

Last time, we met Irwin's grumpy dad and the rest of his winemaking family in the woods outside the Wizard of Wines. We agreed to help them get rid of a bunch of jerk druids that had overtaken the winery. Little did we know that a bunch of twigs were going to attack us. TWIGS. Isn't anything safe in Barovia? We have to be scared of twigs now? ... now that we're inside the winery, will we be able t...

Relieved of our Gorin-barrel, we make our way to the vineyard, where we almost certainly won't completely destroy all of the wine in Barovia while we try to help Irwin's rain-soaked family. Music by audionautix.com and Ab-Bowie Cross.

Last time, we rid ourselves of the legendary Rictavio-or-whatever-his-name-is and set off to speak to the priest at the Church of the Morning Lord. We beat around the bush for a while, as usual. Will he get so irritated that he kills us all? He's a holy man, but still merely a man, and a man can only take so much. Music by audionautix.com and Ab-Bowie Cross.

After dropping off the coffin maker with the proper authorities and having a weird, perhaps pointless conversation with Rudolph van Richten, our adventurers decided to go help the winemakers. But do we ever help anyone? Maybe someone should ask Ol' One-Arm-Ireena. In any case, let's find out what happens when we try to "help" the owners of the Wizard of Wines. Music by audionautix.com and Ab-Bowie...

Last week, we decided that we had to take the coffin maker to the proper authorities. Let's see how that goes. Oh, and we met a man who claimed to be a famed vampire hunter. Will we treat him with the respect he deserves? Is that really even a question?

Last time, we destroyed a whole nest of vampires hiding in the coffin maker's shop. Suddenly, a self-proclaimed vampire hunter made himself known to us. Nice of him to show up NOW. What kind of vampire hunter is he, anyway? Will we find out? Or will we be as rude to him as we are to basically everyone else? Music by Abby Cross and Purple Planet: http://www.purple-planet.com.

After a thoroughly entertaining and distracting performance in the town square, our heroes headed to the coffin maker's shop, wherein they were surprised by a less than pleasant kind of jack in the box. Will they just stuff them back in their crates? Let's find out together, shall we? Ben TISSOT (www.bensound.com), and Anttu Janhunen (@anttu-janhunen).

We're trying to make our way to the coffin maker's shop, but who knows if we'll ever get there? We seem to get distracted a lot. In this case, we see a kerfuffle in the town square and go to investigate! ... Or help! In all likelihood, we'll just burn the place down, but here's hoping we don't kill EVERY innocent civilian we see. Music by Abby Cross and the awesome Purple Planet music! http://www....

Last time, we spent a great long time at a church, interrogating small children and tackling older ones. Better watch out, young people of Vallaki. We're apparently coming for all of you. But now that we may know where the sacred bones of St. Andral are, what are we going to do about it? Will we even make it that far? Music by Abby Cross and BenSound (http://www.bensound.com/).

So we've all received visions of glory, kindness, good, and evil - some of us from the Morning Lord, and one of us from the Swirly Man. We shall now proceed through the world with greater enlightenment! HahahahahahahahahahaaaaAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that's such a funny joke that I just made right there. Whew. Up next, we bumble around some more! Music by Ab-Bowie Cross.

We're off to find a job for Ireena! Or at least we've got to get rid of her, somehow. The church is the thing! And nothing weird or bad or mystical or creepy or magical or scary or fantastical has ever happened at a church, right? We're totally safe. Today will be a normal day. Music by Abby Cross and Steel Drum Island (https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/carnivalsteeldrumband)