Pork Fried Dice - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast

Well it's a good thing that mysterious golden angel abbot guy didn't try to kill us, because we'd definitely be dead. Instead, he gave us presents! Abilities and insight galore, plus a brand new familiar kitty for Raphina! We still don't have any silver weapons, though. Let's go try to find some. Music by AbBowie Cross.

We're all dining with the abbot, and he seems a little too excited about Ireena. Plus, we're still finding more of these freaky mongrelfolk. If we just politely excuse ourselves and leave the table, we'll be able to leave without a fight. Right? That's how things always go in Barovia. Music by AbBowie Cross.

The flesh golem is dead, lying in a heap of body parts. Mongrelfolk are everywhere, but they don't seem to be bothering us too much besides utterly creeping us out. And now we're finally meeting the abbot, and he's ladling out something tasty for lunch. Will it be beet soup? Did you read the title already? SPOILERS! Music by AbBowie Cross.

While Raphina, Nick, Lank and Batthwack investigate the poopy-smelling hallway and battle for their lives against a flesh golem with a fear of bananas, Will is attempting to get the attention of the abbot. Meanwhile, these freaky mongrelfolk are up to all kinds of fun activities all around us - screaming, laughing, brawling, chanting, building forts and makin' babies. Oh, and Lank saw a mysterious...

We've defeated the guardians in the garden, but now there's a hall that smells like poop with what appears to be a giant hulk who wants to give Batthwack a high five (?). Will insists we should go around front to see if we can find the abbot, but everyone else seems to want to sneak through this stanky hallway. This can only go really, really well. The giant hulkmonster DEFINITELY wants to give us...

We're once again in a battle for our lives. Batthwack is killing bad guys and gettin' mounted. Raphina is swinging a firey sword around, missing everything. Lank is bein' short and taking names. Will is probably crouching somewhere far away, hurling fire from behind a building (or just hiding). It's a good thing our DM is of the kind variety. Let's kill these weird zombie things that were guarding...

Guys, we've scored some awesome loot - a ring from a dead saint, and a crazy light-up sun sword from a scarecrow! But we still want those delicious silver weapons, and we've also got a mentee to find. So let's hope we can make quick work of these zombie-whatevers so we can get back to the other 40,000 goals we still have yet to do. Oh wait, Batthwack and Will are having their own little tiff on th...

Is the party just so unlucky that they encounter dead kids wherever they go? Or maybe it's more sinster than that - maybe they CAUSE THE DEATH OF KIDS. Or maybe Eric is just evil. Regardless, the Krezk burgomaster's dead son adds another to the tally! Next, they'll be headed to the abbey that nobody visits because they're deathly afraid - right after a good night's sleep. Or in Will's case, a good...

We've killed a small pack of werewolves! And we took the time to figure out some things about the weird crap we stole from the burgomaster of Vallaki's attic. So now we're on our way to Krezk. An ominous bell tolls. Hopefully it sounds better in person than Eric described before. Donk, donk, donk. Music by AbBowie Cross.

We're still fighting these dang werewolves. Plus, we're still confused by what time of year it is. Is it Christmas? St. Patrick's Day? Easter? NEXT Christmas? This battle is lasting through multiple holidays. We really need some silver weapons! This episode brought to you by Teen Wolf Three! Music by Purple Planet (http://www.purple-planet.com) and AbBowie Cross.

Last time, we fought a bunch of kneepad- and jeans-wearing werewolves. In the midst of the fight, the Swirly Man appeared and gave Will a new familiar - his sister Madelyn. Not only that, but Raphina immediately knew who she was and her history with Will. Oh no, Will's worst nightmare - someone knowing any actual fact about him or his life! Whatever will he do?! Music by Ab-bowie Cross

Last week, we threw a bunch of dead dogs at outhouses in our attempt to cover up all of the murder that had happened in the burgomaster of Vallaki's home. Then we began the journey towards Krezk to find Nat, a child from Vallaki who had been kidnapped by werewolves. Whether or not he has pants on, we're not sure. However, we're about to get ambushed by some fake peddlers or something. Nat can wait...

Last week, Will was put on trial. And then everyone went to bed. Well, presumably. Everyone PRESUMABLY went to bed. Music by Ab-Bowie Cross.

In our last episode, we were in the comfort of the burgomaster of Vallaki's mansion (which now belongs to Will, right? Because that's how real estate works). We found out that the club Blinsky had been using was actually Lank's, and had caused him to become... possessed? Perhaps? Then Batthwack had asked Will if Will's vision had truly been from the Morninglord, or if it might have been from someo...

So much of Vallaki is currently on fire, it's ridiculous. But on the plus side, we've rescued people, cats, and money - we're such good little heroes! Last time, Batthwack took out a Izek with minimum effort, and then Ireena kind of flipped out the teensiest bit, setting us all on fire. Afterwards, we scavenged Lady Wachter's house, and Will made a rambling speech trying to either bolster or perha...

In our previous episode, Ireena and Izek were meeting for the not-first time. Surprise! The group tried to determine whether it was safe to allow Izek to go free, even though he seemed weirdly obsessed with our friend Ireena. We might have come to the wrong decision. Initiative had to be rolled, so we know some shit's about to go down. This episode brought to you by Barovian Family Tree Geneology...

Last week, the party finally met Mr. Wachter, Raphina went on an epic journey for her new...cat..., Blinsky was knocked out cold, long-lost siblings were reunited, and Batthwack definitely retrieved his javelin. Will he retrieve any more javelins this week? Let's find out, shall we? Music by AbBowie Cross

Last episode, the party made their way into the cellar of the late Lady Wachter's home in search of Ireena and her supposed captor, Gadof Blinsky. After dustily dispatching a group of skeletons, Izek rejoined the gang, and he took Raphina and Will on a tour of the parts of the house they had missed. The rest investigated a secret door that hid a group of cultists, Ireena, and Blinsky, and Will and...

The party put on their firefighter hats last week as the conflagration at the Blue Water Inn had spread to many of the neighboring buildings. Raphina's magically conjured water helped to get things under control, and so they headed off in search of Ireena's abductor and ended up at Lady Fiona Wachter's house. After some coercion, the house cook led them to the cellar door. What eldritch horrors li...

Last week, Batthwack started by decimating Lady Fiona Wachter, and then Izek stepped in and eliminated most of the rest of her cultists, all in the midst of a fabulous discoteque courtesy of Raphina. We last saw Izek heading out of the room with the last remaining cultist, but after checking on him a few minutes later, all that remained was a large amount of blood, most of it pooling in the hallwa...

Last time, our party got real with both Izek Strazni and Lady Fiona Wachter. After a lot of talking, initiative was eventually rolled, and fisticuffs undoubtedly ensued. But who cares about all of that - what the hell happened at the Blue Water Inn?? Link to the image we mention in this week's episode: https://www.flickr.com/photos/porkfrieddice/38930310295/in/datetaken-public/ Music by AbBowie Cr...

Last week, the rest of the party watched on in a combination of admiration and terror as Will trotted out his Baron Vallakovitch impression for the first time publicly. After confronting the as-yet unidentified woman addressing the crowd outside, it was revealed that Izek may have been part of a plot to kill the mayor. Will introduced the rest of the group as his "secret guards", and they were abl...

Last time, Lank wandered the streets of Vallaki (and attacked certain demon-armed weirdos) without being able to control himself. WTF is up with that? Then Will and Batthwack discussed a plan to figure out who killed the mayor. If Will can fool everyone by pretending to be the mayor, and someone is surprised that the mayor is still alive, we'll easily figure out who was involved in the murder. But...

The baron of Vallaki and his wife have been assassinated. Will is staying in the baron's house to assume the role of the baron in order to figure out who the murderer is. Batthwack's staying with him as protection. We've found an awkward wizard in the attic. Raphina, Nick and Lank escorted him to the Blue Water Inn on the premise of beginning an adventure to the Amber Temple. Oh yeah, and there's...

This is a tale out of time and space, but it sure smells minty. Happy holidays to all of our listeners! Music by AbBowie Cross!