Pork Fried Dice - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast

We had another mist-ical experience last time, and now we must pick through what we've learned, or rather hallucinated. So Lank and Will know each other from Tivoli! And the same asshole who kicked Will out of Tivoli is the one who let Lank out of prison and pushed him towards Barovia! Meanwhile, on the Beartoggle River, Raphina used the swimming ring to paddle her raft through a horde of goblins-...

We've been investigating Argynvostholt, but out of nowhere a group of scarecrows creeped their hay-filled asses over to us. Lank, Nick and Batthwack grew suspicious and decided to investigate, finding a small bundle of raven-like feathers outside and what seemed to be a group of figures carrying off some other type of figure. And squawking. Lots of squawking. Wondering if the wereravens were in tr...

Will found his own severed head. Does anything else need to be said? It does? Ok - Batthwack surreptitiously snatched up the punching dagger that looked like it belonged to Will’s brother Curtis. All the while, the shortest members of the party reached the highest levels of Argynvostholt in search of WereNick, and as they charged upwards, Nick eventually plunged downward, but he was able to surviv...

It's time to investigate Argynvostholt! Lank and Raphina are a super team, adorably rushing around while they shout at each other in a valiant attempt to find werewolf Nick. Batthwack is nonchalantly exploring the rooms and dreaming of a sarcophagus. Will is softly walking the halls in trepidation upon hearing that his severed head is somewhere inside. Will we be able to catch Nick before he runs...

We've returned Argynvost's dragony skull to its rightful place, and there's a warm beacon of light shining over the land and into our hearts and souls! Maybe we can finally get some chickens and start up our omelette business! Let's just keep in mind that if Abby wants to give any eggs to Eric, he might malfunction again. There's still a creepy castle to explore, though, including the mysterious s...

"Go away," says the voice. So you must know where we are, right? Oh, you need more specifics, because EVERYONE wants us to go away? Well, alright. We're in Argynvostholt, and a mysterious voice that belongs to someone sitting in a majestic dragon-themed throne is telling us all to get the hell out. Will we listen? Or will we persist in annoying him with our mere presence? And will whoever this is...

OoooOOOOOOooooOOOOO! It's October 31st! That means it's Halloween! So here's a little something to listen to as you Trick-or-Treat, or bob for apples at a super festive party with all of your friends, or stay at home shoving Kit-Kats in your face, alone in the dark. (That's #goals right there.)

The castle of Argynvostholt seems pretty busted. Broken dragon statue, shattered busts, creepy spiders... oh, and the severed head of Will Pompion. What a cliffhanger, amiright?

With Werewolf Nick and Werewolf Nat in tow, we've reached the ominously quiet Argynvostholt. We don't have the dragon skull anymore, but we've got each other. Plus a bunch of magical items given to us by the DM that we've all likely forgotten about. Oh, and the blessing of the Morning Lord! There's no way we'll find anything but good things in this creepy mansion-castle thing, right? We came all t...

Batthwack had his holy symbol stolen by Lank, but then he got it back. Nick has turned into a werewolf. Will's trying to protect Nat, the werewolf child who bit poor Nick, and is finding it difficult to trust anyone in the group (wait, is that new?). Raphina is trying to cure werewolfism/poisoning herself with wolf's bane. Lank met a strange knightly figure in the woods, who said we might get help...

"Why don't you go kill Batthwack?" said Will to his familiar, Frederick. This can only end well. We only have two werewolves to deal with, as well as ghastly figures in the forest shouting at us, and a castle to get to after an entire ZERO HOURS OF SLEEP. Wish us luck, everyone! Music by AbBowie Cross.

So Nick is okay for now. PHEW. Thanks Raphina! (Can you tell Eric isn't writing this summary? HE TOTALLY WANTED TO KILL NICK, DIDN'T HE, GUYS?) Batthwack has subdued Nat without killing him. (Can you tell I'm not writing this week's recap from Will's perspective? Because otherwise this would be colored very differently.) Raphina, Lank and Batthwack are trying to find wolfsbane in order to reverse...

I think what we really need to remember from last episode was that Battwack was going to murder Nick. Just like that! All Nick wants is to be Batthwack's friend, and Batthwack was going to kill him, just because Nick grew some extra body hair and sharper teeth. That's really all we need to know. Right? Oh, you need more than that? Will, the greatest hero of all, carried the little unwilling werewo...

So much drama! Party members stealing from each other, punching each other, charming each other, jumping out of windows... Will we be able to save Nat, or even Nick? I think the real question is whether we will ever forgive Eric for doing this to us. Music by AbBowie Cross.

So what in all the hells in all the realms are we going to do with this dragon skull? We might have remembered a vaguely dragon-ish thing that we encountered far back, but will we be able to lug this thing all the way there? This is the most important thing we have to think about right now, right? Ohhhhh yeah and is Nick going to live? Music by AbBowie Cross.

In typical Pork Fried Dice fashion, we're still in the same location we've been in for the past few sessions. Where are we this time? The werewolf cave. Granted, we've encountered a drunk werewolf who we had to dispatch, and there were gross flesh curtains nobody wanted to touch, and a mound of cursed treasure we had to puzzle over, and a cave that gave us weird feelings, and the Swirly Man showed...

Will's patron, the ever-despicable (or is it lovable?) Swirly Man, has made his presence known in this godforsaken werewolf cave. Will has annoyedly shouted out "MOM!" at the top of his lungs, seemingly unprovoked. What will Batthwack think? And what are we going to do about this treasure of bone situation? Will Raphina join in the game of severed head ping pong at long last? Music by AbBowie Cros...

We're in a werewolf cave with a drunk werewolf and a cursed treasure. Will we be able to tell Lank before he touches it? When will we kill this werewolf jerk? Just what is the deal with this cave, and why did Lank feel weird when he began to approach the statue of Mother Night? What's the dragon skull all about? And perhaps most importantly, will Batthwack and Will write another theme song? #bestf...

So we're all in a cave shaped like a wolf's mouth. That's not foreboding. Not foreboding at all. Plus, we've discovered a hairy guy lying amongst wine bottles and bones, with blood all over his mouth. But wait, that's just WINE on his mouth, right guys? Or, like, raspberry jam? GUYS? Music by AbBowie Cross.

Is there a way to rescue Pantsless Nat without getting mauled by werewolves? We'll soon find out. If he's wearing pants, we're all totally fucked - you know we won't be remembering his actual name when we meet him. If he's not already eaten by that point. Maybe we should have thrown that imaginary bomb into the cave! #heroes Music by AbBowie Cross.

In our last episode, we beat Strahd-- HAHAHAHA, oh, that was a good one. He kicked our asses, as usual. And then the woman we've been trying to protect/use as a pawn in the game of Who Rules Barovia (depending on who we're talking about here), Ireena, walked into a lake and didn't come back out. So now what?

We're collecting so many fun things! Silver weapons, magic rings, holy symbols, and a whole lady who will fight Strahd with us! But now that we're finally leaving this weird abbey full of mongrelfolk, Ireena is getting distracted by some kind of watery hand in a lake. Doesn't sound like good news to us, especially now that Strahd has shown up... Music by AbBowie Cross.

Watch out, werewolves - we've got silver weapons now! But we haven't found Rudolph's mentee yet. Or have we? There's a mysterious woman holding a knife to Will's throat at this very moment. And, I mean, come on. It's D&D. How many characters can there even BE? And with whimsical accents, no less?

Now that we've lost half of our fanbase because we are utterly ridiculous, it's time to find out whether we can obtain these silvery weapons! Plus, where is this mysterious woman who is staying in the abbey, and is she Rudolph van Rictavio van Richtenwhatever's protege? Music by AbBowie Cross.

Batthwack has successfully farted the shroud off of the humanoid body in the abbey, to reveal...? You get to find out today! Plus, you'll find out if we find any silver weapons, or Rictavio's mysterious mentee. We're always super efficient, so you know all answers will be revealed in a timely manne---HAHAHAHA I'm sorry, I couldn't even finish that sentence. Music by AbBowie Cross.