Pork Fried Dice - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast

We're back in Vallaki again Out where it seems it's the end Where the predatory wolves feed On the lowly peasants' feet Back in Vallaki again  

It seems like the party has finally emerged from the Amber Tamblyn. What will they decide to do with this black carriage before them?

ERIC!!! YOU MONSTER!!!

The deadly battle in the Amber Temple continues - flame skulls and amber golem (singular) abound. Lank went on an epic journey of 15,240 millimeters. What a traversal!

Now that was   a clutch bananishment. A dandershment? A dandershment.

A more charismatic Batthwack? Will's worst nightmare! And he's aware of how terrible Barovia is! And now Exethanter is pissed . Is this the last episode of Pork Fried Dice?

To anyone listening, please send us anything that Lank can use as new eyes. Look around, grab anything that might work, and pop it in the mail as soon as you possibly can. Priority shipping would be greatly appreciated! I'm serious, he looks super weird and gross now.

Time for the next leg of the Exethanter Tamblyn Tour! On your left, you can see a sarcophaguy! And on your right, keep an eye out for another sarcophaguy! Everyone, please keep your hands and arms touching the sarcophaguys at all times.

Man, we've been in this temple for a while, haven't we - we must've seen most of it by now, right? I mean, Lank's certainly starting to get really into these sarcophagifts, isn't he? It should be fine for him, right?

Deep, deep within the Amber Tamblyn, kids throw up and D&D struggles to happen. Can we get through this session? Let's find out!

It's your annual secular gift-giving holiday at Pork Fried Dice. Gifts are offered left and right, though there's a bit of reluctance to accept them from most of the group. In the words of the sagacious philosopher Michelle Tanner, "You got it dude!" Wait, I mean, "You're in big trouble, mister!" Wait, no, it's, "How rude!" Whew, there it is. There are just too many wise aphorisms from that thinke...

The group had a...strange...encounter with a bunch of Muppet-like Mike Wazowski-wannabes, offending Lank in search of secrets and forgotten lore. What other children's character ripoffs exist in the Amber Tamblyn?

The flaming skulls were...friendly? Or at least not immediately hostile? What is going on? Isn't this temple supposed to be like super-late-game content or something? C'mon, DM that's currently writing this episode description, get your shit together.

The temple has been breached, but the party has drifted apart - you know, it can happen. You get older, interests change, you kind of just go your separate ways, and eventually some of you are facing down some unknown threat in the dark, while others are facing down some completely different unknown threat in the dark. That's life, and once you can mature enough to realize it, you'll be better off...

Well, hopefully everyone stocked up on cruel crullers, fiendish focaccia, and demonic danish at Satan's Bakery, because we've slipped right past Bloodhorn Leghorn and are ready to face down the Amber Temple! Will Victor find his heart's desire within?

The party didn't submit to The Vrocks' People's Elbow and made their way past the large wall blocking their way. It was the end of a long day, and so they holed up in an abandoned tower, huddled together for warmth. Will their shared body heat keep them snuggly warm until the morning, or does cold-blooded Batthwack ruin it for everyone?! Will one of them end up like Jack Torrence at the end of The...

The PFD crew has discovered a new biome in the valley of Barovia! Before they can start making snow angels, building snowmen, and writing their names in the snow with their own urine, however, they come across a large wall blocking their way through the pass. However will they pass? Don't pass out before you listen to this, the next installment of Pork Fried Dice!

A wagon falling out of the sky? A wizardly NPC wandering back into the storyline? The party undecided on what to do next? What other crazy occurrences will happen this time?

Having bid a tearful farewell to our gruff wereraven patriarch with a heart of gold, the group turned to Baba Lysaga’s hut where a whole hunk of treasure was uncovered. After some research, it was determined that a million gold pieces only weigh 7 ounces, so the loot was divvied up (basically) evenly. What will the party decide to do next?

Last time, Batthwack turned into an iguana (so not much of a change there) and Will turned into a huge musclebound bald guy (also not much of a change). Take a listen this week to see if Lank is transformed into Tom Brady or Raphina becomes an isthmus!

What an intriguing title, eh? I bet you're wondering just how an iguana ties into this weeks episode. Have you developed some possible hypotheses at this point? Leave a five-star review with your most plausible guess!

The battle against Baba Lysaga rages on - and now there are scarecrows?! What next, a tin man and a cowardly lion? If only someone could find a brain for Nick, some courage for Will, and a heart for Strahd. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

What happened last time? Guys, I am still so full of cheese and wine from the holidays that it's hard to think. Oh yeah! Your adventurers are currently in the middle of a battle with a giant house on octopus-tree-legs, and a creepy old blood-bath-taking witch with a Princess Mombi-style voice. Lank and Batthwack are attempting to retrieve a mysterious glowing green gem from inside the floorboards...

After discussing some recording strategies at the beginning of this episode, our valiant party gets to find out if their new Berez-ian friend is actually enraged at Lank and Batthwack’s escapades in her newly animated stump house, or if perhaps she’s just passionately curious at just what’s going on in there. Maybe she’ll offer them more brownies!

Last week, the group took over half the episode to process the events of their misty travels as well as walk about 1/5 of a mile to the ruins of a nearby town. They all hunkered down and tried to get some rest, making sure to explicitly set a watch, and the night passed in the swamp-sunk settlement. What will they find amongst the fetid pools and collapsed buildings when day breaks?