Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.  I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss th...

It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!).  But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to...

Today is all about how to build rejection resilience. How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your...

When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's epi...

This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then I’ll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime. Get my free gu...

Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well.  I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well.  This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to...

Most of us don’t talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So it’s no wonder that we look around us at everyone else and assume they are having great sex and easy relationships. Today we're talking about how that mistake can actually harm us.  We're diving into the incredibly common habit of "Compare and Despair" as it applies to our relationships a...

Are you feeling disappointed about anything in your relationship or sex life? Disappointment in relationships and sex is super normal. Some disappointment is because the situation is really not working for us and we need to take some sort of action (like leave, have some tough conversations, or get help). Other disappointments are simply because it's not possible for another person to give us...

Attuning well to your partner feels great for both of you. It enables emotional intimacy, which makes sexy time way better and much more likely to happen. It's also key for the special kind of non-verbal communication required in physical intimacy. But how do we do it well?  This episode will walk you through how to attune well to your partner. It will also help you avoid the top 3 big things...

This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what is BDSM? How is it different from kink? What are the differences among Dom(mme)/Sub play, Sadomasochism, and Bondage and Discipline? How do you find a local scene or partners? What are some things to watch out for? What are some of the best things ab...

This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important topics for you and your partner to cover: 1) How are we dividing up initiation and do we both like the split? If not, what kind of split might feel better to each of us and why? 2) Are the initiation styles we've been using working as well as they...

If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize that an inner critic gone wild isn't just harming you , it's harming your relationships and sex life. All of us can be mean to ourselves occasionally, but when it's a regular pattern it makes us feel awful, kills our mojo, and undermines...

This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people have one dominant and possibly a secondary. Knowing your arousal style is part of discovering the manual to your own turn-ons and very helpful for communicating with your partner about what you like.  Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Start...

It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexually. You may be feeling rejected, resentful, and/or disappointed. You may want to support them, but not know how. Today we’re going to cover the key things you can do to support your partner’s healing and your intimacy together. Four things are oriente...

This is a special one. It's both vulnerable and also really satisfying. I’m sharing my story of the 8 key processes that helped me heal from dissociation and PTSD that I accrued from various traumas, including sexual assault, child abuse, homelessness, bullying and harassment. It's never the same path for everyone, but I hope that this episode will inspire you to try out some of these ap...

Learn the 8 core principles of consent, why consent competence makes us all sexier and more respectful lovers and human beings, how to share and model consent principles with kids, and some advanced issues around consent for those interested in kink and/or BDSM.  Here is the basic outline of the 8 core principles of consent: Ask first, rather than just trying or assuming.  Accept that anything tha...

If you're a person with a penis or partnered with someone with one, this episode will help you understand and solve some very common orgasm challenges for male-bodied people during partner sex: having orgasms sooner than you'd like ("premature ejaculation" or PE) or not at all. It will help you stop trying to extend your time to orgasm by thinking about something awful and chec...

So you want to have more orgasms during partner sex? Awesome!  This is a common goal for female-bodied people and I am 100% here for that. Women have much lower rates of orgasm during partner sex with men than their male-bodied partners do (and fewer orgasms than men think we're having). Lesbians don't have this problem, nor do women of all persuasions during self-pleasure/masturbation....

How would it feel to feel free from shame? Take a moment to imagine it. If you’d like to get closer to that, join me for Episode 11: Becoming Shameless.  Everyone has shame and inhibitions we picked up from our culture or past experiences. Even those who mask it really well.  It is absolutely possible to shed that baggage. It is a liberating process. This episode will walk you through an effective...

Episode 10 is all about when and how to talk to your partner about sex . If you're dating, considering dating, or in a relationship, don't miss this one.  It will take the guesswork out and keep you from a lot of disappointment.  Many of us spin out in worry about finding the "right time;" avoid talking about important sexual needs, desires, or challenges out of fear or shame;...

Today we're talking all about where we get our validation, and what happens when we only look for it externally without giving it to ourselves. Ever get that feeling that you, or someone you're with, just can't really take in approval? Maybe compliments slide off uncomfortably, or they seem to do absolutely nothing for our self-image. Maybe we feel desperate for attention, affirmati...

Episode 8 is the first in a series about Relationship Skills. We're starting with the fundamental skill of self-attunement. This is the simple practice of tuning into our emotional activation level to understand where we're at and what we're available for. It's simple, and doesn't take long. It is also a game-changer for your relationships, whether with yourself or with ev...

This episode will help you connect better to your own pleasure and your partners through simple changes to the words you use to talk -- and think -- about sex.  I'll cover the impact of words on mindset, expectations, and emotions, and give you some options for new terms to try on to feel more free during intimacy. The episode outlines the socialized connotations of words like "sex"...

In this episode, you'll learn why it's so important to understand your own erotic superpowers. We'll dive into the importance of owning your strengths when reaching for new goals. I'll help you identify your own erotic superpowers by explaining 16 common categories of them. The episode closes with an exercise to help you uncover, celebrate, and build on your special blend of st...

This episode is all about the psychological side of sexual desire. Our brains are our biggest sex organs. They enable us to feel interested, excited, and satisfied. So a big key to sexual self-empowerment is knowing your own core desires – the erotic emotions we crave during sexual play. They aren't obvious, and many may be surprising.  This is a big topic, so I'm going to break it all d...