Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

Happy Halloween, y'all! Did you know there are people determined to crap on your Halloween good time? People who think you're a horrible sinner for daring to have spooky fun on October 31st? You know who those people are? Evangelical Christians, of course! Hear what one "former Satanist" and a former teen heartthrob have to say about it, and then learn how the pious mommies in your neighborhood ar...

Pitney found an old notebook filled with stories he wrote years ago, stories about his beloved characters Marcus and Mona of the planet Galleria, and this week we share a spooky Halloween story with you! Yes, you read correctly. Pitney and Amelia venture into the world of Scripted Audiodrama!! Hear descriptions of glamourous Halloween outfits! Hear the squelching of grease in Latrino's castle! Hea...

This episode was inspired by Jamel Miles, the sweet little nine year old boy in Denver, CO who committed suicide after being bullied in school for being gay. We share our experiences with bullying and the lasting effects it can have on the psyche. School bullies, masc-for-masc bullies in the gay community, family bullies, imaginary fascist bullies: we've got 'em all! Then we go off on a bit of a C...

Pitney surprises Amelia with the bundle of fabulous extras that came with the Deadpool 2 Year Anniversary Edition Blu-Ray, and she squees over the Colorforms and whatnot. Then a bunch of Marvel movie talk ensued: Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers Infinity War, etc etc. Amelia hates people who spoil movies, Pitney wants Rocket/Thor slashfic to exist. (We googled. It does. Because of course.) A brie...

We've been watching movies! First, Pitney shares the plot of a trashy Lifetime movie they really enjoyed at the nursing home. Then he and Amelia talk about how wholesome Hallmark movies are, and how those stories always make the female leads look stupid. Pitney is VERY excited, however, about the dozens of new Christmas movies coming this season! Then Pitney and Amelia talk about a terribly homoph...

Sex! Sex! Sex! (Also gender!) The more we think about gender, the more fascinated we are by even just the IDEA of it. What is a man? What is a woman? And why do some people refuse to bathe? But first, Amelia is gonna drop some serious anthropology knowledge on ya, while she rips apart those paleo people and their stupid "this is how caveman ate" arguments. Promos: the Retro Cinema podcast   and 2...

We weren't in town long enough to record a whole episode, so this week we're giving you delightful miscellany! Tids and bits snipped from various conversations that add up to forty jam-packed minutes! A wandering discussion about a new anime cafe in San Antonio becomes a walk down memory lane peppered with people we've nicknamed and obsessed over. Pitney's obsession with a guy who makes Skyrim vid...

If you could meet five people you admire from the past, people who are dead, who would they be? Pitney was tasked with this exercise and it stumped him. We thought of all sorts of dead folks we would want to meet and what we would talk to them about. But mostly we talked about what dead people we'd like to have as guests on our show! For example, did you know your grandfathers? Pitney and Amelia d...

How dare people think they have the right to judge us! Seriously, though, Amelia had two really gross encounters with waitstaff at Applebee's where they treated her as a "fat customer" instead of a "customer," much to Pitney's surprise. She talks about how she often gets treated horribly for daring to exist in public as a fat person, and how fat people, women in particular, get misdiagnosed by awf...

This week, Pitney and Amelia talk about some of their past relationships, particularly the moment they knew it was OVER. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks, but that moment comes when the relationship just can't go on any longer. And sometimes the relationship shouldn't even happen to begin with. There are an awful lot of rom-coms where the guy and girl h...

Have you seen Wild Wild Country on Netflix? It's a documentary about the hubbub surrounding the commune of the followers of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (now known as Osho) in Oregon. Everybody's talking about it, including us! Amelia hasn't watched the series yet, so Pitney told her all about the events that happened back then, and how many parallels there are with the way things are now. Hate, intoler...

It's our SECOND ANNIVERSARY! Time really flies, doesn't it? This year, instead of doing a clip show, we decided to give you a semi-normal, but still kinda special episode to celebrate the end of our second year. Am I hyping it too much? Probably. First, Pitney tells us how frustrated he is with how Kerrville Land Rush will be handled this year, and how fun it is to hang out around a bunch of parke...

This is a tough one, but we promise it's worth it. We didn't go to Texas Frightmare Weekend this year, so you know we had to have really good reasons. Oh boy did we. Pitney's reason is kind of hilarious. Itchy, but hilarious. Amelia's reason is terribly sad. And even though she was only barely ready to talk about it, she wanted you to know what's going on with her, because this show is nothing if...

(Warning: the old mic was in bad shape and we didn't realize it, resulting in some un-edit-out-able clipping. It only happens a few times. It's awful. We apologize.) This week, Pitney and Amelia reminisce about the glory days of fanzines and a dear lady who wrote terrible poetry about TV characters she loved. What the most extreme "con people" think is funny versus what we think is funny. When you...

This was our first time attending HavenCon http://www.havencontx.com , a LGBTQIA+ geek & gaming con in Austin, and it was so fabulous we have to talk about it! Hear us gush about the con's inclusivity and diversity, the wonderful people we met, how much we love hanging out with furries and the fur-adjacent, the Grand Illusion drag pageant, the incredible cosplay, the fate of Pitney's Skyrim costum...

We've learned some important stuff as we've gotten older. Like, spend a little extra on the things you use every day, because you get what you pay for. And surround yourself with things you find beautiful and pleasing, because it'll change the way you feel about your home! OMIGOD YOU GUYS IT'S EPISODE 50! We've got exciting news in this episode that I won't spoil here, including the details of thi...

Did you know it's almost Episode 50?? So much stuff is about to happen when we celebrate this milestone! If you haven't subscribed or added us to your favorites yet, do it now so you don't miss a lot of fun, important news, and a chance to WIN STUFF! This episode is definitely NSFW. It starts with Amelia reading an article to Pitney about a man getting wanky with something weird. This inspires a l...

Before we get started here, Amelia would like to apologize for the occasional sound of her phone vibrating from time to time during this recording. It was on a completely different table and alerted her over and over to texts from her sisters and she didn't hear it until editing time, and obviously we were just stuck with it. And have we mentioned before that if you don't listen all the way to the...

This week's episode has been combobulated from two recording sessions. Pitney and Amelia discuss laughing at things other people are meh about, becoming our mothers, crazy shit old men say, Skyrim mods that annoy Pitney, and Amelia remembers some cool women who used to share a house with the Worst Person in the World. Then Pitney and our friend Cel chat about the WellRED show in San Antonio (featu...

Join us on a trip down memory lane, as we reminisce about our time in Guatemala! Learn a little about local customs while you laugh at us for being so ridiculous. Food, shopping, "chicken buses," bad plumbing, the most comfortable AND uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, machine guns, and pee. Lots and lots of stories about pee. Plus why Amelia is so attached to a damn stick. ps: "Xela" (pronounce...

As we hung out on New Year's Eve, awaiting the frustration of neighborhood fireworks, we talked about how our holidays went, since we hadn't seen each other since our families spent Thanksgiving together! Neither of our Christmases went as planned, but they were still reasonably okay. Hear about Pitney's new obsession and Amelia's Christmas win! Then we fantasized about the best lives we could ima...

Did you ever regret not buying something that you never saw again? We reminisce about some really good stuff that got away. Then a quick Hatin' on Satan that goes easy on the hatin'! And finally, we talk about genetics vs history. Nature vs nurture. Your DNA vs your family tree. Which is most important? And why do people get them confused? And shouldn't Ben Affleck just nut up and let people hear...

(Part 2 of 2...did you listen to part 1 yet?) Don't assume that because we don't agree with you or because you think we're being callous that we haven't experienced assault. Because we both have. Multiple times. We share some of those stories in this episode to illustrate various points. TRIGGER WARNING, because we do go into detail. We talk about the difference between men and women, in particula...

There's a lot of talk, pretty much everywhere you look, about sexual assault, sexual harassment, pedophilia, and general creepiness. We can't seem to stop talking about it either. This turned into a two-part discussion about all of that, the way it's being handled in the media, the different ways of looking at the different types of incidents, and the danger of seeing the world in black and white....

Some of those conversations we had for the last episode went on for so long we haven't stopped talking yet! First, a little more about Walking Dead, Xena, and Star Trek. Then dumb people who get offended by cussing. (Fuck them.) The time Pitney called hotel security on his own party, and that other time his bare ass upset a sensitive soul. "A little drag, a little Star Trek." Then we can't help bu...