Pillow Talks

We all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more.   If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear...

Full transparency: we didn’t know if we were going to release this episode. We’re talking about everything from how we processed the chaos that is the holidays to whether we upheld our “Holiday Classic” sex pact.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what real...

This episode is all about making 2022 the best year of your relationship yet! Get our five favorite sustainable and actionable tips for making your relationship a priority next year.   Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge  Ultimate Foreplay Guides Sex Position Playbook Mental Load Workbook Follow us on Instagram Get on our email list   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your w...

Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? Have WE ever thought about opening up our relationship? Some see it as a necessity to fully express their sexuality while others think it might be the perfect salve for a hurting relationship. One thing’s for sure, open relationships are subject to a lot of misconceptions. Tune in to find out what open relationships are all about, and find...

Having sex when there are guests around (or when you are a guest in someone's home) can be a major source of anxiety — but sometimes you just HAVE to do it! Today, we're going to walk you through how to respectfully, discreetly get down wherever you're spending the holidays.   Links & Resources: Follow us on Instagram! We share so much behind the scenes content and you can participate in our Insta...

Attachment Style Theory looks at the ways we respond to other people based on the way we responded to our earliest relationships: our relationships with our parents. In this episode we're talking about what each style means for the people who have it, plus how the styles relate to each other.   Links & Resources: Golden Rules of Communication   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe f...

Do you have a fantasy you've always wanted to explore? Maybe your partner does as well, but it doesn't 'match up' with yours. In this episode we're diving into a five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships.   Links & Resources: Top 7 Fantasies PDF    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practica...

In-laws are tricky. Holidays are tricky. Put them together and you've got some truly stressful situations. In this episode we are once again going 'advice column-style' to help some of our audience members sort out their frustrations. We're talking a lot about boundaries and communication, and even if you have typically stress-free holidays, this episode is definitely entertaining.   Links & Resou...

We turned to our Instagram audience @vanessamarintherapy to ask them "what makes someone good in bed?" and they DELIVERED. They also opened up on telling us what makes someone bad in bed. Do you really know what actually makes sex good? Listen to find out some major themes we noticed. We'll unpack our findings and give you practical advice to sharpen your skills in the bedroom.   Links & Resources...

When you hear the word 'needy', it's probably the last thing you would ever want to be described as; being needy is so steeped in shame! Today we're going to talk about what neediness is - and what it isn't - and some genuinely helpful tools for addressing neediness. Links & Resources: Simple Daily Check In (Free Guide)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double d...

What makes anal play so great anyway and why are people so intimidated by it? Well, we're answering those questions and talking about how to break through some of the objections surrounding this topic.  👉 ⁠⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠  Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode23 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we're talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we've been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids.   Links & Resources: Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame YouTube — The Ultimate Guide to Talk to Your Kids About Sex   If you enjoyed this episode,...

Trying new sex positions is a really fun way to spice up your sex life, but it can feel super intimidating to even get started when you're already in a comfortable routine. In today's episode, we are addressing your concerns and helping you gain the confidence to dive right in and add to your repertoire!   LInks & Resource: Pick up your copy of the Sex Position Playbook!   If you enjoyed this epis...

How do you know if or when to end a relationship? To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. These submissions cover everything from not getting 'butterflies' anymore to feeling "emotionally starved". Today, we'll...

Awkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we're going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new.   Even if you're in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner...

We all want to feel wanted. That's why we're talking about something that can totally change your relationship for the better, and it's something you've already done..."dating" your partner!   We've heard from our community (and this is something we as a couple have gone through as well) that when you've been together for years, even decades, you can go through phases where you feel more like room...

In order to enjoy sex, we have to receive. Whether it's time, attention, love, or energy, there are so many aspects of great sex are tied into receiving. Your ability to receive can affect many things, like your ability to be present in the moment, feel pleasure, be emotionally connected to a partner, and especially to orgasm!   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander talk about how you can get mor...

Feelings. Is there anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable? It's hard enough to process your own feelings, so when your partner does something that brings up big feelings for you, it's so easy to blame them for the way you feel. But the unfortunate reality is we can't actually blame other people for how we're feeling!   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss why our feelings are ou...

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Sex just feels so blah. I don't get what the fuss is all about"? This is one of the most common complaints we hear from women! So many women want to FEEL MORE in the bedroom, but they just don't know how.   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander unpack why the key to feeling more pleasure in the bedroom is to start with masturbation.   Links & Resources: Fre...

Politics, religion and social issues are already such divisive topics, so what happens when you disagree about them in a relationship?   Should differing beliefs be deal breakers? Are they enough to end a relationship over?   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander tackle these thorny questions!   Links & Resources: Video: How To Make Up After A Fight Free Guide: Simply Daily Check-In For Couples C...

Anytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You're putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships.   In today's episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another.  ...

Body confidence is something that affects everyone, whether it's an occasional thing or a daily struggle. Usually we think of it as a personal issue - feeling self conscious, or having critical and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves.   But there's another aspect to body confidence that actually has a huge impact on how we show up in our sex lives and relationships: our ability to let our partne...

When you hear the words “Sex Therapist”, you probably think of someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get it in the bedroom, right? So what happens when an aspiring sex therapist is struggling with her orgasm? In this interview-style podcast, Vanessa tells her own personal orgasm journey, and how it inspired her to start a business teaching thousands of women how to orgasm. For full s...

Good communication is really hard.  We'll be the first to admit that in the heat of the moment it can be really tough to validate your partner's experience, use clear and empathic language, and also ask for your needs to be met.   We make a living teaching couples how to have good communication and we STILL struggle with this.   So in this episode, we're roleplaying some of our listener-submitted...

Everyone wants to know what the magic amount of sex is to keep their relationship healthy. So many of us think that if we hit a certain quota, it means out relationship is successful.   So we decided to do a little experiment to see what the sex lives of our followers really look like. We created a sexual frequency and satisfaction survey, and we've now had 12,000 people respond!   If you enjoyed...