Pillow Talks

In order to enjoy sex, we have to receive. Whether it's time, attention, love, or energy, there are so many aspects of great sex are tied into receiving. Your ability to receive can affect many things, like your ability to be present in the moment, feel pleasure, be emotionally connected to a partner, and especially to orgasm!   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander talk about how you can get mor...

Feelings. Is there anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable? It's hard enough to process your own feelings, so when your partner does something that brings up big feelings for you, it's so easy to blame them for the way you feel. But the unfortunate reality is we can't actually blame other people for how we're feeling!   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss why our feelings are ou...

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Sex just feels so blah. I don't get what the fuss is all about"? This is one of the most common complaints we hear from women! So many women want to FEEL MORE in the bedroom, but they just don't know how.   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander unpack why the key to feeling more pleasure in the bedroom is to start with masturbation.   Links & Resources: Fre...

Politics, religion and social issues are already such divisive topics, so what happens when you disagree about them in a relationship?   Should differing beliefs be deal breakers? Are they enough to end a relationship over?   In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander tackle these thorny questions!   Links & Resources: Video: How To Make Up After A Fight Free Guide: Simply Daily Check-In For Couples C...

Anytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You're putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships.   In today's episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another.  ...

Body confidence is something that affects everyone, whether it's an occasional thing or a daily struggle. Usually we think of it as a personal issue - feeling self conscious, or having critical and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves.   But there's another aspect to body confidence that actually has a huge impact on how we show up in our sex lives and relationships: our ability to let our partne...

When you hear the words “Sex Therapist”, you probably think of someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get it in the bedroom, right? So what happens when an aspiring sex therapist is struggling with her orgasm? In this interview-style podcast, Vanessa tells her own personal orgasm journey, and how it inspired her to start a business teaching thousands of women how to orgasm. For full s...

Good communication is really hard.  We'll be the first to admit that in the heat of the moment it can be really tough to validate your partner's experience, use clear and empathic language, and also ask for your needs to be met.   We make a living teaching couples how to have good communication and we STILL struggle with this.   So in this episode, we're roleplaying some of our listener-submitted...

Everyone wants to know what the magic amount of sex is to keep their relationship healthy. So many of us think that if we hit a certain quota, it means out relationship is successful.   So we decided to do a little experiment to see what the sex lives of our followers really look like. We created a sexual frequency and satisfaction survey, and we've now had 12,000 people respond!   If you enjoyed...

Did you grow up in Purity Culture?   Purity Culture teaches that it's important to wait until marriage to have sex, because people who wait are more pure, wholesome, and desirable.   It also has a lot to say about dressing modestly (especially for girls), pleasure being sinful, & masturbation being evil.   In this week's episode, we're breaking down the effects Purity Culture can have on your sex...

When was the last time you had a truly amazing kiss? The sad reality is that most couples just don't really kiss anymore! A lot of us, if we're really honest with ourselves, feel a little insecure about our kissing technique. And if we're even more brutally honest, a lot of us don't really like the way our partner kisses. There's a lot of sex advice out there about oral sex technique and sex posit...

Do you think that relationships should be effortless? Or that having to work on your relationship means there's something wrong?   Or does your partner think these things?   A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are bad to start putting in effort.   But your relationship CAN NOT survive without ef...

What’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom?   People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex.   People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds!   In this episode, we talk about what “l...

Do you secretly keep score of who does what in your relationship?    Do you feel like your partner gets to be carefree and happy while you’re stressed out trying to hold it all together?   In today's episode, we talk about one of the most popular topics we’ve ever talked about: mental load.   If you’ve never heard the term before, mental load refers to the invisible mental burden of keeping track...

Should sex happen naturally? This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and it can cause some serious tension in relationships. You may want to work on improving your sex life or making changes, but your partner refuses because they think it should just happen naturally.    In this episode, we're going to uncover the truth about how sex really works in a long-term relationship. We thin...

Has this phrase ever been uttered in your home: “We’ve talked about this a million times before”?   So many of the arguments we get into with our partners are different versions of the same argument we've already had. And it can feel exhausting and demoralizing to keep having the same conflict over and over.    In today’s episode, we’re introducing you to the concept of unresolvable conflict. Acco...

How comfortable are you talking about sex with your partner? If you’re like most people, your face is already bright red! You need to be able to talk about sex if you want to have an extraordinary sex life.   So to kick off the Pillow Talks podcast, we’ve got your back with a step-by-step process for talking about sex in your relationship - even if you never have before.    In this episode, we’ll...

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full...