Pillow Talks

Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss.   Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame tha...

“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed?   The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rank...

So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed...

What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood?   This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place.   In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions!...

You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?!   This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner.   If you enjoyed this epis...

There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex.   In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) a...

One of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there!   We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions...

What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker?   This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give o...

Has your partner ever done a task so poorly or asked you so many questions that you finally just said “fine, I’ll do it myself!”? This is called weaponized incompetence, and while your partner may not mean for it to be, it can be harmful in a relationship. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to identify weaponized incompetence, how it shows up in OUR relationship, and what to do if you o...

We all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more.   If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear...

Full transparency: we didn’t know if we were going to release this episode. We’re talking about everything from how we processed the chaos that is the holidays to whether we upheld our “Holiday Classic” sex pact.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what real...

This episode is all about making 2022 the best year of your relationship yet! Get our five favorite sustainable and actionable tips for making your relationship a priority next year.   Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge  Ultimate Foreplay Guides Sex Position Playbook Mental Load Workbook Follow us on Instagram Get on our email list   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your w...

Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? Have WE ever thought about opening up our relationship? Some see it as a necessity to fully express their sexuality while others think it might be the perfect salve for a hurting relationship. One thing’s for sure, open relationships are subject to a lot of misconceptions. Tune in to find out what open relationships are all about, and find...

Having sex when there are guests around (or when you are a guest in someone's home) can be a major source of anxiety — but sometimes you just HAVE to do it! Today, we're going to walk you through how to respectfully, discreetly get down wherever you're spending the holidays.   Links & Resources: Follow us on Instagram! We share so much behind the scenes content and you can participate in our Insta...

Attachment Style Theory looks at the ways we respond to other people based on the way we responded to our earliest relationships: our relationships with our parents. In this episode we're talking about what each style means for the people who have it, plus how the styles relate to each other.   Links & Resources: Golden Rules of Communication   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe f...

Do you have a fantasy you've always wanted to explore? Maybe your partner does as well, but it doesn't 'match up' with yours. In this episode we're diving into a five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships.   Links & Resources: Top 7 Fantasies PDF    If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practica...

In-laws are tricky. Holidays are tricky. Put them together and you've got some truly stressful situations. In this episode we are once again going 'advice column-style' to help some of our audience members sort out their frustrations. We're talking a lot about boundaries and communication, and even if you have typically stress-free holidays, this episode is definitely entertaining.   Links & Resou...

We turned to our Instagram audience @vanessamarintherapy to ask them "what makes someone good in bed?" and they DELIVERED. They also opened up on telling us what makes someone bad in bed. Do you really know what actually makes sex good? Listen to find out some major themes we noticed. We'll unpack our findings and give you practical advice to sharpen your skills in the bedroom.   Links & Resources...

When you hear the word 'needy', it's probably the last thing you would ever want to be described as; being needy is so steeped in shame! Today we're going to talk about what neediness is - and what it isn't - and some genuinely helpful tools for addressing neediness. Links & Resources: Simple Daily Check In (Free Guide)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double d...

What makes anal play so great anyway and why are people so intimidated by it? Well, we're answering those questions and talking about how to break through some of the objections surrounding this topic.  👉 ⁠⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠  Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode23 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we're talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we've been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids.   Links & Resources: Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame YouTube — The Ultimate Guide to Talk to Your Kids About Sex   If you enjoyed this episode,...

Trying new sex positions is a really fun way to spice up your sex life, but it can feel super intimidating to even get started when you're already in a comfortable routine. In today's episode, we are addressing your concerns and helping you gain the confidence to dive right in and add to your repertoire!   LInks & Resource: Pick up your copy of the Sex Position Playbook!   If you enjoyed this epis...

How do you know if or when to end a relationship? To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. These submissions cover everything from not getting 'butterflies' anymore to feeling "emotionally starved". Today, we'll...

Awkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we're going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new.   Even if you're in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner...

We all want to feel wanted. That's why we're talking about something that can totally change your relationship for the better, and it's something you've already done..."dating" your partner!   We've heard from our community (and this is something we as a couple have gone through as well) that when you've been together for years, even decades, you can go through phases where you feel more like room...