Pessimistic at Best

Picture this: The year is 2025 and you're making the active choice to jump back on the reading train after it dawns on you that you've forgotten how to do anything besides watch TV. Sound familiar? If so, you're safe here! Grace and I take to the podcast to celebrate Chelsea Handler's new book, I'll Have What She's Having, recoil at the thought of receiving an out-of-...

Have you ever been out to eat when your waiter suddenly goes missing, only to reappear on stage, mic in hand, bringing down the house? It's like, sure you wanted another martini, but ultimately you're happy they're having their moment! Owen and I take to the podcast to celebrate servers with secret talents, protest loud speakers in public places, and cringe at the mukbang of it all...

Were you normal, or were you spending your iTunes gift cards on Glee covers? Don't worry, you're amongst friends!  Donnie and I take to the podcast to celebrate authenticity, stress over our favorite strategy-based reality TV game shows, and complain about men, naturally! Btw, did we ever figure out if Lea Michelle could read? Lmk, seriously.  Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THA...

Brunch is something you plan in advance. It's an event you prepare for. Heck, you might even put on a cute outfit! Breakfast, on the other hand, is thrust upon you (whether you like it or not!) Luke and I take to the podcast to rejoice in the pleasure of breakfast with your friends, complain about the reality of women's healthcare, and clap back at people who pick on picky eaters. Suppor...

Everyone can be someone and anything can be cool — and isn't that beautiful? Sure, there will always be pop stars with seismic fanbases like Taylor Swift and Beyoncé, but the "mainstream" is over, you heard it here first! James and I take to the podcast to dive into the death of the mainstream, protest our apparent collective dedication to ignoring the human desire to hibernate, and...

We're back, babies! And ever so grateful to be back in your ears each week. We missed you terribly — what a long two months it has truly been. Much to catch up on, so let's take it from the top! James and I take to the podcast to share our favorite onomatopoeias, lament over the humiliation of running to catch the bus, and complain about pants when they inevitably get a little loose at t...

Friendly reminder that the absolute worst thing you can do is tell someone they seem tired, it never goes over well. Instead, you could try, "You look like shit," or "What the hell is your problem." This week James and I take to the podcast to encourage more themed parties, commiserate about just how much it sucks to throw up, and to render our final verdict on the fake Christm...

Great news team, becoming a better person is actually incredibly easy! Follow our 5-step process and you'll surely go straight to heaven or be reincarnated as something really cool or whatever. In this week's episode, James and I take to the podcast to celebrate the versatility of the fist bump, condemn the act of killing bugs outside, and drag the folks who film strangers in public with...

Have you ever been to the state of Delaware? Because me neither, and I have no designs on visiting! Devonte and I take to the podcast to celebrate finding fulfillment in our respective careers and shared community, to burst the bubble that is traveling for work, and to throw shade at the CTA. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODCAST Instagram: @pessimisticatbes...

Playing dumb is all fun and games until you're on the receiving end of such behavior — we said what we said! Aidan and I take to the podcast to sing the praises of our favorite fast-food chain (Taco Bell, duh!), deliberate over the appropriate way to deplane after a flight, and expose people for weaponizing their incompetence. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW...

Are you buying into the propaganda that morning people are more productive? Because we’ve sold our souls and signed on the dotted line. Manu and I are just a couple of night owls on the quest to become early risers and get that damn worm if it's the last thing we do! Join us on the podcast for a conversation about embracing new hobbies, getting bad sleep, and the curse of the Hyundai Sonata. ...

If you listen to this episode I'm sorry and if you make it all the way to the end something is literally wrong with you! Truly rubbing my last two brain cells together for this one, enter at your own risk! James and I take to the podcast to relive the golden age of computer games, lament the hassle of cleaning one's makeup brushes, and shame anyone with a cracked iPhone based on what it...

We're starting a support group for people who have had to execute a Facebook Marketplace pickup while viciously hungover—do you want in? Luke and I take to the podcast this week to chat about our favorite micro-influencers, our aversion to submitting maintenance requests as renters, and our deep disappointment when we reconvene with our besties after a night out and no one has collected any g...

If it's one thing about us, it's that we're going to buy tickets to the concert! Annie and I take to the podcast to share in our love for being "woo" girls at our favorite live shows, to bitch about music venues that don't have water stations, and to shame our friends who don't know how to purchase concert tickets without getting scammed. (You know who you are —...

How many hotdogs could you reasonably consume in a 2.5-hour sitting? The 9x9x9 challenge has officially met its match, and I have the absolute pleasure of hosting our fearless champion on this week's podcast! Neil and I take to the pod to chat about the joys of trying your hand at something new, the horrors of bad plumbing, and the ultimate buzzkill—getting slapped with a parking ticket (or t...

Is it just us, or do all Midwestern dads have the same undeniable penchant for building elaborate underwater ecosystems within the home? What’s the story there? This week on the podcast Grace and I share our affinity for Autumn's rebrand, our loathing of overcrowded spaces, and our tendency toward bad sportsmanship. Join in, you know you wanna! Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CA...

If you're chemically addicted to watching Chicago apartment tours on TikTok, this episode is for you! Get to know the man behind the curtain (or camera), from his least favorite household chore to his go-to Chipotle order. Dean and I take to the podcast to chat about how he got started doing his now infamous apartment tours, the ups and downs of social media, the challenges that come with gro...

You know you've been spending too much time indoors when you go outside and think to yourself, man it rocks out here!! James and I take to the podcast to chat about the benefits of being curious, the worst smells at the Logan Square Farmer's Market, and the absolute freaks that think it's okay to litter. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODCAST I...

Now, I'm not here to tell you to fake it until you make it, but sometimes the key to being hot is simply acting hot!!! Pat and I take to the pod this week to share our mutual love of Google Calendar, divulge our early interest in retirement, and discuss doing the hard work of confronting our emotions. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODCAST Instagram: @pe...

If it's one thing about us, it's that we're never going to let a man tell us what to do. Dante and I take to the podcast to sing the praises of this summer's pop girlies, lament the horrors of moving, and ruminate over the audacity of people at the airport. Join in, you know you wanna. ;) Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODCAST Instagram: @...

Did you know that humans cement their taste in music in their late twenties? Feeling incredibly blessed to live during a time in which my Saturn Return overlaps with Brat Summer — formative years to say the least! Mickey and I take to the podcast to discuss the ups and downs of owning a fully developed pre-frontal cortex (try saying that five times fast!) and, more importantly, to talk mad shit ab...

The Olympics had us singing "Party in the USA" just before the Chicago Air and Water Show came along and knocked the red, white, and blue right out of us again — because that's where we simply must stand on business! Ciara and I take to the podcast to celebrate Team USA and triangular-shaped buildings before we debate over our differing tastes for spooky szn and so much more — join...

We're baaaack, and much to everyone's dismay, we're better than ever! Join us for our season kick-off where James and I take to the pod to share in our love for swimming and our distaste for servers that overcompensate, and stay for an impassioned speech about how much I hate having to get up out of my seat when the person next to me on a flight has to use the restroom. Did you miss...

Is there anything better than seeing how the other half lives? If you enjoy treating yourself to celebrity home tours or listening to Dakota Johnson ramble on about false fruit obsessions, this episode is for you! Join us for a silly little conversation about Architectural Digest tours, the impending cicada boom, and the horror of discovering you have self-tanner hands. Support the show THERE&apos...

Sitting around the campfire is all fun and games until you become the chosen one and suddenly you're blind and both of your lungs collapse. Not to mention the lingering smell that adheres to everything you own — 'tis the season! James and I jump on the podcast to fawn over reunion videos, complain about smoke in the eyes, and argue over whether being late is culturally acceptable, join i...