Pessimistic at Best

The secret to finding your zen? Perhaps it's going off the grid to fish on some remote lake in the middle of Canada, cracking a cold one and watching the storms roll through, or picking off your moles one by one — who am I to judge? Drue and I take to the podcast to workshop the concept of relaxation, results pending.  Then it's time for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: thunderstorm sea...

You know what's chic? Cutting back, scaling down, doing sort of a less is more moment. In reference to what exactly? Well, anything that's no longer serving you, of course! On this week's episode, Jeremy and I dive into what we're saying no to, including carbonated beverages, aluminum-free deodorant, and then some. Then it's time for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: When...

POV: It's 2006, the Jonas Brothers have just released their debut album, It's About Time , and you briefly leave your body. Caroline and I get into her music origin story, her earliest fandoms, and how that eventually led to building the Chicago Show Calendar. Then we get into the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Ditching Spotify and starting fresh on Qobuz, the way people undervalue small b...

Have you ever had to do a few laps around Agora Market before working up the courage to ask the guy behind the deli counter for a pound of pork chorizo?  Because for some of us, that's just a Thursday! Martina and I spend this week's episode mostly agreeing that it's actually really hard to be alive!!! Then we dive into the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: writing your affirmations by h...

Milk with dinner is a Midwestern birthright, and the internet has a lot of feelings about it. Whether you've kept the faith, developed a tragic intolerance, or just quietly renounced your heritage, Sophia and I weigh in on this week's episode. Then it's time for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: the year of the Fire Horse, wedding gift culture, and people (read: losers) who don&apos...

Listen, we're going to let you in on a little secret — if you ever find yourself stuck somewhere and there are no rental cars available, you're going to get your ass over to the nearest U-Haul and take it from there, okay? Donnie and I hop on the podcast to swap survivor skills and Survivor 50 hot takes. Then we dive into the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Embracing your 30s with open arms...

POV: I interrupt your sunbathing to ask if I can pull you for a chat, but I'm a sexy banana named Benanito, wyd? Greg and I take to the podcast to dissect the AI-generated, fruit-themed Love Island mini-series that has taken TikTok by storm. Then we dive into The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: recycling old trends, DJ remixes at bars, and the delivery robots terrorizing the streets of Chicago....

Unfortunately whoever said, "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly" was onto something. Post your first attempt at a french mani to main, publish the scripted podcast episode you recorded out of your studio apartment, to be cringe is to be free! Alex and I jump on the podcast to talk about Doing the Thing™️, whatever that thing may be.  Then it's time for The Good, The...

When it comes to sweets, what's your preferred flavor profile? There is a right and wrong answer, btw! If you gravitate toward fruity desserts, you're officially in the doghouse. I don't make the rules! If, like me, you yearn for rich, chocolatey confections, congratulations, you've been marked safe! James and I take to the podcast to dissect his disturbing take on all things s...

Who needs fictionalized drama when you have the service industry? There's no group more ripe with scandal than the front-of-house staff at your favorite local haunt. Sophia and I take to the podcast to celebrate reality TV's greatest hits, including the likes of Vanderpump Rules and Southern Hospitality.  Then it's time for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly : stealing from big box gr...

College was a fever dream, a bunch of kids living in a pretend world, cosplaying as adults with meal plans, and it was awesome!!! Mickey and I jump on the podcast to chat about our freshman year floor (s/o Sellery 7A), navigating co-ed living and communal bathrooms, and the best places to cry on campus.  Then it’s time for The Good, The Bad & The Ugly : getting your alderman involved, construc...

Are you ready to level up your dating game? Looking to impress some lucky lady? The Rizzler says the key to winning her heart is actually quite simple, head to your local mall and buy her a pink Lamborghini, duh!!! Conor and I take to the podcast to celebrate his 30th with a little help from the Rizzler himself, file a formal complaint about the Mariano's on Chicago Avenue for its complete di...

What constitutes stuff vs. things? Easy, boys like stuff, girls like things, and a dream is a wish the heart makes, next question!  Meghan and I take to the podcast to settle the stuff vs. things debate, defend the typo, survive a smelly Uber, and drag the completely vibeless CVS on Chicago Ave. Join in, you know you wanna! Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODC...

Your favorite celebrity is planning their next thinkpiece on Substack, whether you like it or not! Superstars, they're just like us.  James and I jump on the podcast to praise the tactile joy of writing with pen and paper, mock the tired cliché of movies that begin at the sound of an alarm clock, and dive into James' deep hatred for pranks. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT C...

Where do I begin? It’s been exactly eight months since I’ve blasted your eardrums with my microphone, and so many things have changed in such a short period of time. Some good, and some catastrophically bad, but of course, I don’t need to tell you that, just look outside!!! On the personal front: I quit my job, canceled my Hulu subscription, transferred my Spotify music library over to Tidal, star...

Picture this: the year is 2006, and Disney's three-episode crossover series 'That's So Suite Life of Hannah Montana' is releasing its first episode at 8/7 central, and you're SAT, ready to witness a piece of history. James and I take to the podcast to nerd out over iconic crossover episodes, spiral over the sensation of an itch, and pick apart some truly cursed celebrity e...

We're all secretly afraid that our kids will be losers, and listen, I'm here to tell you that if that happened to me? I wouldn't talk to him either! James and I jump on the podcast to toast to bar games (think pool, darts, shuffleboard, yktv!!!), lament the fact that our thousand-dollar pocket computers require protective gear just to survive, and side-eye parents who let their kids...

Why did breakfast box itself into such narrow thinking? The day's most important meal could be so much more than eggs, if only we let it become fully realized!!! Sadie and I jump on the podcast to chat about nicknames we love, bike lanes we loathe, and our deep dissatisfaction with the oppressive egg agenda. Support the show THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM:   FOLLOW THE PODCAST Instagr...

If there's a viral snack collab unfolding, Lilly is on the scene! Mountain Dew x Flamin’ Hot Cheetos? Sign her up. Swedish Fish Oreos? She's buying 'em, and nobody can stop her, damn it! Lilly and I take to the podcast to indulge in absurd snack innovations, spiral about accumulating too much “stuff,” and express our utter disgust at some of the world’s most nauseating smells. Suppo...

Who eats sardines straight from the tin, carries a wad of rubberband-bound singles, and is in “talks” with the Italian government? Depends on who's asking.  Adam and I take to the podcast to toast to tinned fish, raise a stink about early morning construction, and pour one out for the many folks who were recently denied Italian citizenship thanks to the consulate's ever-changing rules. J...

It’s important to remember that the SUR experience has little to do with the food. Its true specialties lie in campy ambiance, overpriced cocktails, and the chance to share a room with some of reality TV’s messiest players—pure bliss! Matt and I jump on the podcast to honor our favorite divorce albums, condemn car culture’s grip on society, and reflect on the tragedy of the Titanic on the 113th an...

Picture this: You're freshly thirteen, you've got your brand new Ocean Pacific swimsuit on, and you're patiently making your way up the wooden staircase with your tube in hand. What's waiting for you at the top, you ask? None other than the Wilderness' most infamous waterslide, the Hurricane . Talk about full-body chills! Colton and I jump on the podcast to celebrate the v...

Name something more c*nty than a giant chiseled man with a spray tan and platinum blonde blowout strutting to the ring in a bedazzled outfit to the tune of "Real American"—you can't! Rohan and I take to the podcast to celebrate grown men finding an outlet for self-expression, reject the creation of breast milk-flavored ice cream, and criticize the wealthy elite hoarding their fortun...

If I have to use my own cellphone to pull up the menu at the restaurant, I'm clocking in because I work here now. I said what I said! James and I return to the podcast to celebrate Flow's Academy Award for Best Animated Feature (s/o to Latvia, a real place that exists!), dismantle the Digital Menu Industrial Complex™️, and point fingers at people who don't make enough room for you o...

I recently found myself feeling insecure about my Hydro during a Zoom call full of Stanleys and decided enough is enough! Screw your trendy water bottle! Unless you're still chewing on your Camelbak straw, like seriously, it's time to move on. James and I hit the podcast to celebrate mixing metals, call out water bottle fads, and critique public feuds. Join in, you know you wanna! Suppor...