Peace and Parenting: How to Parent without Punishments

Bedtime, bathtime, and homework become very sticky places at times between us and our children. We often struggle here where maybe we don’t need to. Isn’t the goal to have self-sufficient kids who know how to take care of themselves? But how will they learn when they feel hungry, tired, or dirty if we are constantly micromanaging these chores?   I’m answering live parenting questions every week fo...

Is it too late? This is a question parents ask often about changing the way in which they parent. Am I too late? Can I make a difference with an older child and what can I do to cultivate a relationship with an adult kid? I answer these questions and touch on the idea of manners as I talk with my lovely guest Jennifer, a mother of three kids.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favo...

Divorce can be quite difficult for us and our children. Coming up with a plan is essential to keeping the divorce focused on the kids and not our conflict. Lesa Koski joins me as a mediator and attorney who gives us some ways to help ease tensions between us and our soon-to-be exes.    I was recently a guest on Lesa's podcast Doing Divorce Different , check out the episode here . You can also...

When we place emphasis on succeeding in sports or activities are we doing our child a disservice? Isn’t the point of sports and extracurricular activities to have fun and enjoy? What about school? Aren’t we there really to learn, to socialize? When the pressures become too great they can have a negative impact on our children.   Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We div...

Cooperation is the number one complaint I hear from parents. What do we do if they do not do as I ask? How do I get the to say yes and what do I do when they say no? We use connection, but how. Listen in as I give you some pointers and if you want to you can take my course Guide to Cooperation to learn all the tools of connection along with the ins and outs of cooperation and hearing they ever cov...

Sometimes when our kids struggle we blame ourselves and hold ourselves accountable. We believe it’s our fault especially when there are big ugly feelings. Can we instead be present and grounded in those feelings and bear witness to help them come through and help them know those big ugly feelings are totally normal? This builds grit and emotional regulation.    Today’s episode is sponsored by Tosi...

Gentle parenting or conscious parenting if done right does not create children who are “snowflakes”. What is a snowflake anyway and how can we both come to our kids with kindness and avoid creating adults who cannot withstand upsetting and hard moments in life? Could our overparenting be hindering us, and what about underparenting? Goodness, there’s too much to discuss.    Today’s episode is spons...

When our child misbehaves the first thing to do is to make it stop and our next thought is to correct, scold or punish. Why? Because this is precisely what our parents would do and what society tells us will “work” to get the behavior to cease. Let me offer you a reframe and a different thought which could totally transform your home. No more punishments necessary.    Today’s episode is sponsored...

Connective/conscious and gentle parenting is often perceived as permissive. Many people believe children will grow up unruly and unable to identify right from wrong and lack the skills to overcome upsetting moments. Listen in as I discuss why none do this is true.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We dive deeply into the ideas of connection and unravel the struggles...

Is our more amiable child really easy going or could there be reasons that they are easygoing? Are they affected by the interactions they witness, is their temperament different than those kids who are fighting to be heard and understood and how can we insure they have a voice later in life and aren’t people pleasers? Listen in and get a new perspective.    Working with individuals and couples is...

They ran across the street and didn’t even look, they almost did it on purpose. Now what? I want to come to them with connection but how? The 16-year-old goes to the party and drinks, they don't listen to me now what? Listen in and find out the answer to this important question. We can both come to them with connection and keep them safe.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favo...

What are the first signs of yelling or becoming dysregulated and what can we do to help keep ourselves calm in those hard moments? What is behind the urge to yell, and what techniques can we use as the first defense against yelling? Is our own well-being directly linked to how well we parent and is COVID still lurking in our psyche? Listen in as I discuss these issues with my lovely guest Katie a...

We overly stress about the trauma we might be causing our children. We often believe every misstep and slip up will “ruin” our kids. I hear this often from my clients and on Social Media. But the trauma we went through as children is not the same as what our kids are experiencing with us. Let me put your mind at ease in this podcast episode.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favor...

Even I have a difficult time figuring out what the heck everyone is talking about. It’s not just punishments anymore. Now we have logical consequences and natural consequences and regular consequences? Do I have that right, they are all different? I am finding it more and more confusing. I attempt to make a distinction in this episode. Let me know what you think. Leave us a rating and tell us your...

Even if we are doing away with punishments we can still have a critical attitude when it comes to our children. Those criticisms and judgments might stick deeper than all of the positive things we are experiencing with our kids each day. Our mind processes positive and negative things differently. Unfortunately, the negative things become our focus. When they do, can they get stuck in our inner sp...

What does scarcity have to do with parenting? Are there moments in our parenting where we are creating more desire where we don’t necessarily need to be? Do things that feel scarce end up being more sought after just because they are scarce? How can we make things a bit easier for ourselves in order to unwind this tight string?   Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We di...

Rushing and being late can stress our parenting and our kids, not to mention us. What works when we are late and how can we mitigate the stress and angst we are experiencing and also place on our kids in moments which are difficult? Have a listen and see what you think. Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We dive deeply into the ideas of connection and unravel the strugg...

Coming alongside my own children when they were having huge feelings was never easy, but it got so over time. I learned to be supportive during the upheaval and it ultimately helped everyone including myself. In my course: Understanding Big Emotions, I teach you how to do the same. Click here to take this online, on-demand, hour-long course.    Leave us a rating and tell us your thoughts on this e...

We all want our children to be empathic, but how do we teach it, and is it teachable or do we leave it up to nature? I am solo this week answering a question from my podcast editor and his wife. I think we all have this question…how do we make sure our children care about other people? Listen in as I give some ideas that might be helpful to you too.   Working with individuals and couples is my mos...

If you don’t know Mr. Chazz you should! He is a preschool teacher turned parenting expert with some helpful and incredible insights into raising kids consciously. Have a listen and get his unique perspective and thoughtful responses around helping kids with tough behaviors.  Connect with Mr. Chazz on Instagram @mrchazz   Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We dive deeply...

Julian Sarafian is a young attorney who has the pedigree we all wish for our children or should we? Julian succumbed to many of the pressures society places on children to do more and be better. To the detriment of his mental health and happiness. Michelle and he discuss his journey and help us reframe what success really is in 2022. If you'd like to connect with Julian you can do so here... I...

We are expected to parent perfectly, have well-behaved kids, take care of the house and everything else. This is so unrealistic and unattainable. Gabrielle and I keep it real, say it like it is, and are honest about the fact that we mess up, parenting is hard and some days it’s fine to say you don’t want to do it or Special Time! Let’s be honest, 20 minutes of Lego can be excruciating.   Working w...

Sarah, a mom of two girls, wants to help her oldest with control and needs to direct her baby sister. We also discuss issues around getting dressed and ways to implement the “good” kinds of choice and control. Join me with mama Sarah and dive into the principles of connection and the effectiveness of Special Time.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite work. We dive deeply int...

Comedy is connective and can bring together communities. Alyce brings us comic relief shamelessly in her incredible IG ( @momcomnyc ) and onstage. And now I get to dive in with her about her parenting struggles, particularly around what to do when your child hits you? Are you promoting hitting by allowing it? Should we punish? Listen in as funny lady Alyce and I discuss.    Working with individual...

It can get confusing when it comes to trying to set limits without the use of punishments or rewards. How do we get our kids to do “x’ and what happens if they don’t? What can we “do” instead of using a punishment or a reward? Do we just let them do whatever they want and stand by and watch? No. Have a listen and get some helpful ideas.    Working with individuals and couples is my most favorite w...