Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

(Apologies—the sound quality of this episode is not as good as we’d like.) In their opening episode of Season 3, David and Ruth interview Grant Wyeth, a researcher at the Asia Institute at the University of Melbourne and a columnist for The   Diplomat who has written extensively about men’s violence against women. In this interview, Grant offers an international perspective on:  The backlash again...

Ask Graham Goulden about the bystander approach to violence prevention, he’ll talk to you about being a “moral rebel”—those who intervene to stop violence when others stand by and act when others walk away. A former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, training, and crime prevention, Graham is a passionate advocate of the bystan...

In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator and the implications for the workplace. David and Ruth discuss:  David’s history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization  How workers going through Safe & Together Model training are seeing their own...

In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim-blaming. In just over 15 minutes, David and Ruth discuss:  How a lack of knowledge of how fathers’ choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper work with violent fathers. How these gaps can be worse for fathers from com...

In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In less than 15 minutes , David and Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted, including: Manipulation, intimidation, and bullying  Threats of or actual lawsuits and complaints lodged with manage...

In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth  will introduce the theme of  worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems.   Since the inception of the Model, it has been central t...

Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over.  Survivors know differently.  Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship.   In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth...

Phrases like "child witness to violence" or "children exposed to violence" only capture a small slice of how domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors harm children. Assessment frameworks based on these concepts primarily emphasize the traumatic impact of the direct witnessing of acts of physical violence. But what coercive control teaches us is that harm also involves pat...

Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner, and family functioning, is essential for domestic abuse–informed systems. In this episode, David and Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model, which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children. Their conversation covers: The importance of a broad definiti...

In this episode, Ruth and David yarn with Ashlee Donohue, a proud Dunghutti woman born and raised in Kempsey, NSW. Ashlee is an author, educator, advocate, and speaker around the anti-violence message, and she is currently the CEO of Mudgin-Gal Aboriginal Corporation – Women’s Centre , which is for Aboriginal women run by Aboriginal women. Ashlee was also a keynote speaker at the 2021 Safe & T...

For men's violence against women to end, men need to talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large. An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing is Matt Brown, co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown, of the She Is Not Your Rehab global movement....

Building on the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on perpetrators' manipulation of systems (and the related podcast ) and work with the Federal and Family Court of Australia , David and Ruth take a closer look at how domestic violence perpetrators can continue to undermine child safety and well-being post-separation, how they manipulate systems regarding custody and access issu...

Crafting a domestic violence–informed response to the unique experience of Black domestic violence survivors in the United States requires listening to the voices and lived experience of those survivors. Like other marginalized survivors in systems impacted by racism and colonization across the globe, Black women have to navigate systems that often have penalized and punished them instead of being...

For 15 years, the Safe & Together Model has trained professionals in the importance of centering coercive controlling patterns of behaviors if you want to understand the harm domestic abuse perpetrators create for their children and how that is parenting choice. Failures to link coercive control to child abuse and neglect make it easier to blame adult survivors, who are being protective, with...

The discussion of the relationship between histories of trauma and the perpetration of abuse is often fraught. Many people are worried that any consideration of the trauma histories of perpetrators will become an excuse for violence. Others advocate for the need for a more holistic approach, especially for those perpetrators who are also survivors of intergenerational traumas related to colonizati...

In this episode, David and Ruth tackle one of the most pressing issues in the domestic violence field: how to make mental health and addiction services more domestic abuse–informed when it comes to interacting with survivors.  While awareness of trauma and its impact continues to increase, it often is decontextualized from the dynamics of coercive control. Mental health and addiction professionals...

Domestic violence has been depicted in feature movies before. Enough , The Burning Bed , and Sleeping with the Enemy depended on star power to draw in their audiences. Once Were Warriors , the dark, award-wining New Zealand classic, explored violence in an urban Maori family. Now the award-winning feature film No Ordinary Love joins this pantheon of movies that glues viewers to their seats with vi...

The voices of children impacted by domestic violence perpetrators are being ignored by professionals. In this groundbreaking interview, a 14-year-old survivor of officer-involved domestic violence and his mother speak openly about their experience with systems. Using pseudonyms, "Liam" and his mother, "Michelle," share how the police colluded with their perpetrator, who was Lia...

Safety. Satisfaction. Self-determination.  For decades, domestic violence survivors have shared that these are the aspects of their life targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. Until recently, it was primarily the attacks on physical safety that were reflected in the domestic violence laws across the world. Slowly, with the passage of coercive control laws in a few countries, survivors are see...

Both men and women can be controlling, and both men and women can violent. Domestic abuse occurs in same-sex and heterosexual relationships. This means both men and women can be victims of domestic violence, yet domestic abuse–informed practice requires a gender analysis and an understanding of coercive control.   In this episode, Ruth and David examine some of the controversies and challenges ass...

Domestic violence perpetrators do not only target survivors. They also target the professionals and systems who want to want to help them. Many perpetrators, often using money, privilege, and power, leverage systems to amplify their control. False allegations of substance abuse, mental health issues, or child abuse are lodged with social services and family courts, often to devastating effect. Oth...

What do practitioners need to pay most attention to in domestic violence cases involving children? What kind of evidence do courts need to hear evidence if they want to make good decisions related to custody and access? The Safe & Together Model 's Critical Components are the foundational guide to domestic violence–informed assessment and decision-making.  In this episode, David and Ruth...

In a recent article , Tracey De Simone and Susan Heward-Belle describe the "cultural tsunami" triggered by the Safe & Together Model in Queensland, Australia. In response, Ruth interviews David about the theory of change behind the Safe & Together Model and how Safe & Together Institute is attempting to  remake the practice of systems.   David outlines four goals that drive t...

To truly understand the experience of many domestic violence survivors, we need to understand coercive control. Coercive control, one of the key aspects of the Safe & Together Model , is as much about entrapment and the deprivation of liberty as it is about physical violence. In fact, the damage of coercive control can occur without any physical violence. Following the examples of England, Sco...

The Safe & Together Model is premised on the idea that child-serving systems are natural allies to adult domestic violence survivors. In the Season 2 kick-off episode, David and Ruth explore the Safe & Together Model's principle of partnering and the six steps of partnering practice. This episode includes an examination of the obstacles to partnering and six practical steps profession...