Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Historically, research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the director and founder of the SHERA Research Group , is a staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them.  In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr. Dalgarno discuss:    SHERA’s research into health effects on survivo...

Consider this… Domestic violence represents 27% of violent events in the workplace 22% of victims required 31 or more days away from work to recover 22% of victims missed 3–5 days of work 56% of victims arrived late at least 5x/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence policy These statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their par...

Are children domestic violence victims in their own right?  Are they co-victims with the adult survivor?  What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiences? How do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents?  How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions related to them?  How do we make sure both adult and...

The problem of dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find. In order to make coercive control visible to youth and to fill a gap in professional education materials and intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse prevention film The Last Drop . In this episode, Ruth a...

In this episode, Ruth and David speak with Lisa and Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in the community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections, and strengthen the well-being of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach, which brings men and women together to h...

In this episode, David and Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach. While assessments of harm and risk and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies, and, while necessary, they are not sufficient enough for true collaboration and partnering with survivors....

Survivors who are professionals can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth and David speak with Nneka MacGregor, founder and executive director of WomenatthecentrE , about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors can safely share their experience to strengthen the response of...

There are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr.  Katreena Scott, the  co-creator of the Caring Dads program.  In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak about The importance of intervening with violent fathers  What makes Caring Dads...

Professionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner. In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to exploit as part of their efforts at control.  In this episode, Ruth and David interview one of their own colleagues, Leah Vejzović, Safe &a...

Strangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behavior. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short-, medium-, and long-term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being.  In this interview with Nneka MacGregor, Ruth and David dis...

Listening to the voice of lived experience experts, aka survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic abuse–informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure of being an abuse survivor in professional spaces can be fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears of judgment and marginalization. Even though those survi...

Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex and challenging trauma. Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma. Partnering with survivors using the Safe & Together Model is powerful, efficient,...

When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added (violence and danger) instead of what is taken away (safety, self-determination, quality of life), we fail to name some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David and Ruth talk about what survivors often “lose” at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators and t...

Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta. All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately, these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators.  In this episode, David and Ruth take a deep dive into how the Safe &amp...

Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim-blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim-blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate ass...

With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrator’s overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths....

In this episode, David and Ruth chat with author and academic Dr. Emma Katz about her new book Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives . Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children.  During this far-ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss:  How she...

In this episode, David and Ruth interview Dr. Heather McCauley from the Consortium on Gender-Based Violence at Michigan State University. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion and the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and health issues.    Ruth, David, and Dr. McCauley address: How important it is to identify common acts of resistanc...

Too often, conversations about domestic violence define survivors as “passive trauma survivors” with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators’ patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real, they only tell part of the story.   On a daily basis, survivors engage in small and large acts of resistance to coercive control and domestic violence....

In this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!"   Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about.  The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In  their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe  & Together Model and discuss how each m...

In this short special bonus episode, Ruth interviews Celine Donovan, a Safe & Together Model Certified Trainer working for Tatauko Mai , the only Safe & Together Institute Partner Agency in Aotearoa New Zealand. At a coffee shop in Christchurch, Celine, who also works for Aviva in Christchurch, talks about the Model has transformed her practice and the practice of those around her, includi...

In this final installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance of best practices around the question of practitioners’ own fears about the safety of the family. Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes these fears are directly related to the facts of...

Part of a perpetrator’s pattern of coercive control, reproductive coercion is a common and powerful tool that is used to entrap and control victims using pregnancy and children. Forcing women to become pregnant and maintain a pregnancy has long-term implications for women and children’s lives.  Not only do adult survivors suffer the consequences, but children are used as pawns. In this way, reprod...

In this fifth installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training, and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse histories can be a real asset for an agency that ad...

Have you ever seen survivors’ mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator? Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor’s treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner? In this podcast, David and Ruth explore these questions and talk about how a perpetrator pattern–based approach can help protect survivors against these behaviors. Th...