Outer Circle Inner Stillness

How should “Creatures of the senses” manage their appetites? Here I talk with Abbot Tryphon about sobriety. We talk about the relationship between a person and their drug, the dangers of too much free time, the influence of our family systems upon us, and why running is good for sobriety. We talk about the importance of beginning the day focused on the faith, why men need bond with each other, hug...

More monastic wisdom, more stories, more Abbot Tryphon! In the 2nd of 3 interviews, I continue asking Abbot Tryphon about the Orthodox faith, the inner life, and what people in recovery can learn from people in monasteries. We talk about continual learning and why we need mentors, sponsors, and spiritual fathers. We talk about why we need to read and permeate our lives in spiritual wisdom. We talk...

What can we learn about the inner life from Orthodox Christian Monasticism? I wanted to find out, so one beautiful day in November, I made my way up to All Merciful Savior Monastery on Vashon Island, Washington, there to speak with Abbot Tryphon. From the Lutheran tradition, to secular universities, to the field of psychology, to chaplaincy, to Orthodox Christanity, and from Portland, Oregon to Sa...

In recovery circles, we often hear that "Rigorous Honesty" is a good thing...but why is this? Orlando Rivera has been in recovery for more than 30 years, and active in the addictions counseling field, both counseling and teaching, since the early 90's. In today's conversation, he shares insights and wisdom about honest, self-awareness, vulnerability, and accountability. We talk a...

What's a Firefighter Part? In the language of Internal Family Systems, Firefighters are one of the 3 major categories of "Parts" that typically exist in a human system. They are protectors that are reactive, defensive, volatile, big energy, and often the ones that get us into trouble. Typical firefighters include the parts that drink too much, smoke too much, act out sexually, over o...

In recovery circles, we often hear that "Rigorous Honesty" is a good thing...but why is this? Orlando Rivera has been in recovery for more than 30 years, and active in the addictions counseling field, both counseling and teaching, since the early 90's. In today's conversation, he shares insights and wisdom about honest, self-awareness, vulnerability, and accountability. We talk a...

How is recovery like Barbecue Sauce, and what does this have to do with 9th century Church Fathers? And what’s the deal with the first 3-5 years of recovery anyway? In today’s episode, Rhys Pasimio and Shea Layton team up to interview CSAT counselor Dan Stephens, the founder of Restored Life Counseling, and developer of the long term Recovery Outcomes research project. A traditionally held underst...

So you got clean and sober - great! …Now what? How does a person transition from the excitement and upheaval of early recovery into a more stable long-term recovery? What do you do in long term sobriety when the comfort of stability starts to feel like the tortures of boredom? How does a person find their most important values, and the community to support them? Stephen Grant is a Certified Sex Ad...

What does a person need most in order to heal from addiction and trauma? Do they need to act differently? Think better thoughts? Use a fancy technology to monitor brain waves? All these things are good and useful, but they falter in the absence of love. Love, in a clinical sense, is a secure attachment, marked by full attention, unconditional welcome, curiosity, courage and patience. In the presen...

When a person is recovering from alcohol abuse, we generally advise them to avoid the beer and wine aisles in the markets. When a person is recovering from cocaine or meth use, or other drugs, we generally advise them to avoid that one street corner or back alley, or few blocks of downtown. When a person is in recovery from problem gambling, we’d find it wise for them to avoid casinos. If the patt...

People tend towards two errors. They think they have to be SO unique and special…or they think they have to conform to all the standards around them. Hyper-individualism, uniqueness taken to its extreme, will leave people feeling isolated, burdened, and vulnerable to relapse. Hyper-conformity, especially to unhealthy group and society expectations, can also steer a person towards all sorts of unhe...

We often talk about the “parts” of our individual systems, and today we talk about the “body part,” in particular. I caught up with Jenny Hayo, a practitioner and teacher in the wisdom traditions. She is certified in Hakomi, Internal Family Ssytems, and Yoga, and centers an ongoing, dynamic, and gentle awareness of the physical body at the core of any emotional and psychological work. In this conv...

            Why should we talk about money in recovery? More specifically, how does it further a person's spiritual, mental, emotional, relational development to bring awareness and insight to finances?             Further, what is Stewardship? And what can we learn about it from Lord of the Rings?             Dino Biaggi is a self-identified fan about being deliberate about life. He is a husb...

When you notice that you tend to end up as the Pharisee in one of the Gospel parables…what do you do about that? Welcome to our most ecumenical episode ever! Mary-Kate grew up Catholic, then married a Baptist, and now is being interviewed by Moses-Rhys who is Orthodox. We start off talking about Orthodox Christian weddings, and go from there to reflect on our spiritual heritages, our journeys towa...

In this episode, I share personal reflections on my Lenten Rigor for this year(Going to Matins every morning that I can, which is something like going to a meeting every day). I reflect on the intrusiveness of a sobriety built on adding something into my life as the inverse of focusing on subtracting something. In week one, I was excited. By week two, I'm tired, and questioning the worth of it.&nb...

What's the most important component of good, healthy, long-term sobriety? Hint - it's not abstinence. It's also not self-care, boundaries, or good communication. It has something to do with self-reflection, self-awareness, and community. In this episode, I say that forgiveness and confession are the most vital components of sobriety. This tends to be true of the spiritual life as well. If I can fo...

Rhys and Beth won the lottery...to an Internal Family Systems Level one training! From there they became friends and colleagues that talk about the Self, the Soul, and the Nature of Healing. In today's conversation, Beth shares part of her story of being healthy, then becoming sick, then learning to find an inner spiritual health that leads to outer healing. She and Rhys(also known as Moses) refle...

Always be a learner. Always be a beginner. Go back to Basics. Blessed are the Poor in Spirit. Be like the Publican, not the Pharisee. All these ideas are variations on the theme of remaining humble and bravely acknowledging what you don't know and where you fall short. If you can do this, you can always learn, always grow, and always work towards repairing damage you may have caused. Today's refle...

I'm releasing this about a week late, but this is a reflection inspired by Zacchaeus Sunday, commemorated this year on January 29. In preparation for Great Lent, we talk a lot about repentance, and Zacchaeus certainly is a brilliant example of radical and healing life change. The story of Zacchaeus also offers some metaphors and other insights useful to both spiritual growth and the sober way of l...

As we approach Great Lent, Rhys reflects on seasons of sobriety and the spiritual life. He contemplates the daily, weekly, annual, and crisis rhythms of heightened clarity and profound struggle, especially as outlined in the liturgical year of the Orthodox Christian Church. When we know that at point in the future we will struggle or encounter crisis, how should we best prepare for these times? Wh...

On the surface, James Cameron's film Avatar: The Way of Water is about blue people guarding their planet from humans, told in a spectacular way. Embedded in the spectacle, though, are some very powerful depictions of themes very relevant to healing, sobriety, family, and identity. In this story, we get to explore how to relate to outcasts/exiles, how to integrate outsiders, how to rely on gentle s...

What does it mean to be an integrated Self? What does it mean to be a whole person? In today's episode, I interview Hart Dasteel - local to Portland, OR, a husband, father, healer, IFS enthusiast, and psychedelic integration coach. We talk about the healing relationship that is possible between a person's core Self and their Parts, and explore how this changes our parenting styles, hopefully helpi...

What does it mean to be sober? I just have to stop drinking or smoking or looking at porn or gambling or raging, then I'm good...right? This counselor says abstinence alone is not enough. A good sobriety process, like a good spiritual practice, is not about what you're avoiding, but rather about what you are gaining. What are you seeking? Adding to your life? Creating with your energies? What valu...

Welcome to the Outer Circle Inner Stillness LATE SHOW edition! Here is where you get unfiltered counselor brain as Rhys Pasimio and Stephen Black share honest thoughts and current musings, under the influence of the post-9:00 pm-fatigue, and the thrill of being two friends in the same room together! With no particular agenda, we find ourselves compelled to talk about friendship, about feelings, ab...

Life is hard, and the sober life is harder! Why do we push ourselves to say resist the urges that seem so strong? Why do we work hard to be emotionally and mentally present in a world that is so stressful? The answer is that we do the work for the prize at the end of the journey. If we don't know why we do what we do, then no amount of clever how will get us through the hard times. The why comes o...