Our TFMR Stories | Our decisions, our grief, real true parent stories

Sabrina shares the unfortunate comments she and others in the community have heard about TFMR: "But how old were you when it happened?" "Well that's not reeeeally an abortion." "I would never..." Comments like these can actually feel MORE harmful that direct insults to TFMR/baby loss/abortion. Because other people around, or group leaders, or fellow general grievers might not "get" how painful the...

How we decided - TFMR for T21 & grey diagnosis. Bianca Johnson shares her baby boy's down syndrome diagnosis and all the other pregnancy complications that came into play on her decision and more. Sabrina also shares lots of stories from other TFMR parents who also had a T21 diagnosis and how they decided to end their wanted pregnancies too. Bianca Johnson had already been through 6 pregnancy...

Katie, a TFMR and multiple miscarriage mom and mom to two living kids shares her baby's story. Her daughter had a constellation of brain abnormalities - absent corpus callosum, fluid in the brain, and a small cerebellum - discovered at the 20 week scan. Katie knew something was off before the doctor had even spoke. At this 20-week anatomy scan, Katie caught a measurement on the screen that said 16...

If you are questioning whether your story fits in our grief circles, whether your diagnosis was "severe enough," or whether you'll connect with other parents who made this impossible choice, listen in 💜 The truth is, if you're asking these questions, you *do* belong here. The parents who join our Ascend TFMR grief circles share something profound - we're all parents who chose to end suffering, ev...

Shaming comments after TFMR - how to deal & who's shame IS it anyways?? If you've ever seen a cruel comment about TFMR and felt it land somewhere deep... this episode is for you. Sabrina goes there - straight into the shame that gets hurled at TFMR parents by strangers, by religion, by society - and how she refuses to let it stick AND how she helps other termination after devastating diagnosis...

If you are asking yourself "how do I survive this?" - this episode is for you. Sabrina speaks directly to this question she hears often... from parents facing a devastating prenatal diagnosis, from parents mid-decision, and from parents on the other side of TFMR baby loss looking to make it through. She gives you permission to throw out the "moving on" narrative entirely, and shares her S.E.E.N. f...

Your TFMR story is sacred - the words you share in grief circles, the journals, the downloads you've trusted with your healing, your baby's story... they MUST be handled with care. If you've been looking for TFMR support that actually protects you, this episode is for you. Sabrina (that's me, The TFMR Doula) takes you behind the scenes on her ongoing process of moving away from big tech - Google,...

Unfortunately TFMR baby loss, ending a wanted pregnancy, abortion for medical reasons is still very misunderstood. In this episode we talk about how this may be showing up in your relationships, your emotions, and how you communicate about your baby loss. You'll also hear some gentle inspiration for the hardest days from Sabrina, who has also been through TFMR, for hydrops & cystic hygroma...

If you've asked yourself "am I a monster for choosing this?" this episode is for you. Sabrina speaks directly to the thought that haunts so many TFMR parents... before, during, and long after the procedure is over. She speaks to *why* that "monster" thought creeps in once the medical crisis has passed, why both paths can feel monstrous, and why the fact that you're asking the question at all is pr...

Today we are talking with Alexia Leachman and her call to classify tokophobia and MANY other reproductive experiences (like the trauma and anxiety that comes from baby loss) under what she calls “Reproductive Anxiety Disorder.” If your anxiety after TFMR has been brushed off as "yeah a lot of folks feel that" but you KNOW there is more to your story, listen in. Alexia Leachman is the aut...

The “what ifs” after TFMR baby loss can knock you over with their intensity and AMOUNT. After abortion for medical reasons pregnancy loss, you may look back and wish you could have changed the date, the timing, the type of procedure, your habits, your diet - ‘What if’ this or that would have made a difference or led to a different outcome? In this episode we talk about where the ‘what ifs’ may be...

Sabrina & Kate wrap up part 3 of 3 of "What Your Grief Actually Needs after TFMR" series and share the key 5 ways to work with and hold your grief gently and survive the horror of TFMR baby loss - these are real, doable, repeatable and helpful things you can do today. We practice these skills deeply and TOGETHER in the TFMR Support Sanctuary if you want to join us live. Through May 1...

‌Sabrina (Fletcher) and Kate (Carson) are back, sharing more about what your grief after TFMR *actually* needs. We're going all the way over to what you DON'T need in your grief after abortion baby loss. If these things have NOT felt like a help to you in your grief, you are not alone, and you are not crazy. And tune back in to part 3 of 3 next time to hear how we have helped ourselves and...

‌In Part 1 of 3 of 'What grief after TFMR *actually* needs,' Sabrina Fletcher brings in Kate Carson. These two TFMR grief experts talk about when therapy isn't enough and why you may be feeling this way. We are talking about when therapy models helps and when therapy models falls short (by no fault of the therapist) and when other supplemental grief spaces are needed. This is part 1 of...

In Part 2 of Becky's story, we pick up after her termination for T21 (Down Syndrome, Trisomy 21) and what life has looked like in the two and a half months since. Becky talks about how she found the TFMR community... and how even then, she felt alone in her specific diagnosis. She shares what it was like to post her story in a mommy group and have 11 people private message her saying "me...

Becky, TFMR mom and mom to one living kid, shares her story of termination for T21. Becky was almost 40 and considering IVF when she found out she was pregnant naturally. She was over the moon to be pregnant. Then came the NIPT call... at work... while she was in front of her classroom. A heartbreaking 93% chance of T21, Trisomy 21. In Part 1 of 2 of Becky's story, you'll hear how she deci...

In Part 1, we talked about feeling "stuck" in TFMR grief and how that feeling comes from using old, outdated ideas - using a broken map. In this episode, I'm showing you what's ACTUALLY in these grief waters. The old grief maps say "here be dragons" - monsters to fight, stages to conquer. But you've actually BEEN to this territory. You know what's really there:...

If you’ve ever felt like your grief is never-ending, if you worry “will this ever end?” if you feel other people think you are ‘stuck’ in your grief after baby loss, listen in. I share what that "I feel stuck" feeling may be showing up as after ending a wanted pregnancy. You’ll also hear why the *idea* of being “stuck in grief' feels so prevalent. And you’ll find relief in looking at...

You know that feeling when someone tells you to "just be grateful for what you have" and it makes you want to scream? When your own family acts like you should be "over it" by now, so you plaster on a smile and pretend you're fine? If you’ve been feeling so alone after losing your wanted baby, exhausted from putting on a “I’m okay” face, and wondering if you are the problem...

Megan Tennis' story & journey continues after her molar pregnancy diagnosis and medical interventions. Part 2 of 2 takes us through the cancer treatments that followed, the grief that regular therapy couldn't touch, and how Megan's own experience of feeling unseen and misunderstood in traditional therapy spaces led her to specialize in pregnancy loss counseling. Megan has created s...

Megan's story begins with complications in a wanted pregnancy leading to a life-threatening molar pregnancy diagnosis. A molar pregnancy happens when what should be placenta/baby/pregnancy tissue grows abnormally instead, creating cancerous cells. For Megan, this meant facing something she never thought would come from pregnancy: becoming a cancer patient. She found herself not only grieving t...

You're not alone if you have tough, scary, horrible thoughts after ending a wanted pregnancy, terminating a wanted pregnancy, having an abortion for medical reasons. When you've lost a baby in pregnancy after a horrible prenatal diagnosis, of course not all your thoughts are cheery and light. In this episode I talk about some hard thoughts you may be struggling with, and a safe space you c...

Re-released episode, originally from 2023. Grief can be especially hard around the holidays and through the new year with expectations to be "joyful" and "cheerful." In this episode I answer questions from other TFMR parents in the community about getting through the holidays. You'll hear 4 main tips PLUS an explanation of "Grieving in 4D." This episode was origin...

In Part 2 of 2 of Rachel Polans' TFMR story, we move into what happened after her baby’s rare ‘de novo’ genetic mutation diagnosis. The D&E procedure in Brooklyn, the physical reality of being postpartum without a baby. Rachel talks about what it was like being in a general surgery pre-op area with people there for all kinds of procedures, not a space designed for pregnancy loss. Rachel sh...

In Part 1 of 2 of this real TFMR story from mother Rachel Polans, we talk about the bad diagnosis that eventually led Rachel to end her wanted pregnancy. After struggles with infertility, IUI treatments, and a chemical pregnancy, Rachel finally got to hear this baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks. But a later ultrasound scan showed bilateral club feet and led to more testing… 7 weeks of waiting for am...