On Attachment

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips on how to love someone well. So often, we think we are being loving towards someone - when really, we are pursuing our own agenda of loving them with strings attached. We love in order to get something in return, and then feel secretly resentful when things don't go our way. So instead, I'm sharing how to love someone in a way that feels p...

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of " How do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that interested in me? " This is a question I get A LOT - and the answer might surprise you.   I'm going to share a common misconception about avoidant attachment in early dating, as well as some hard truths about why we seek out people whose behaviour leaves us questioning...

In today's episode, we're talking all about nervous system regulation in the context of emotional wellbeing. As many of you know, I'm a big advocate of incorporating bottom-up, somatically focused tools and awareness as part of the bigger picture of growth and healing. And a key piece of that work is understanding how to understand and support your nervous system.  We cover: why a h...

In today's episode, I'm answering the community question of "when is it a good idea to take a break in a relationship?" This can be a really tricky situation, particularly where one person wants to take a break and the other doesn't.  In this episode, I share: things to consider & discuss before taking a break do's and don'ts of taking a break examples of whe...

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vanessa & Xander Marin.   She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, and they recently co-authored their first book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life , which became an instant NYT bestseller.  We cover: The five conversations you need to be having about sex Navigating mismatched libido &...

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of why healthy relationships can feel boring - especially if you're someone who's accustomed to drama and chaos in your love life.  We'll cover: why unhealthy relationships are so addictive the principle of intermittent reinforcement  how to navigate discomfort around stable relationships how to get your needs for novelty &amp...

In this episode, we're talking about how to leave a relationship from the perspective of knowing that you need to. Break-ups are hard - no matter the circumstances - and most of the advice tends to be directed toward people who've been broken up with, rather than those doing the breaking up.  We'll cover:  why waiting for the "right time" is an illusion how to support your...

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?". I get variations of this question a lot - basically, why wouldn't anxious and avoidant people save themselves the trouble by sticking to their own kind? Well, as always, it's not quite that simple...  We'll cover: why anxious and avoidant pe...

Today's episode is all about the role of criticism in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Both anxious and avoidant people have been known to deploy criticism as a strategy to manage fears and self-protect in relationships - but this will often look different (and be motivated by different drives) on each side.  One thing's for sure: no matter how it shows up, criticism is really harmful to relat...

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to navigate an all-consuming fear & paranoia around a partner cheating - particularly in circumstances where that fear is seemingly unwarranted. We'll cover: the importance of nervous system regulation when we experience intense fear & paranoia when to talk to a partner about our fears the link between fear of che...

In today's episode, I'm speaking with Sarah Baldwin - a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach who is trained in Polyvagal interventions and is on the training team at the Polyvagal Institute. Sarah specialises in somatic trauma healing, attachment work, parts and inner child work and nervous system regulation.  We cover: why nervous system regulation is the missing piece in...

In this Q&A episode, I'm speaking to the common conundrum of what to do when you're feeling stuck in your relationship. This often happens when we've been trying for some time to make changes (or hoping that our partner will make changes), but we're just not seeing any progress. I'll share an unexpected way that you can shift out of low self-worth and hopelessness, and...

In this episode, we're talking all about needs - specifically, looking at some common reasons why you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. It's easy to feel defeated and hurt when our needs are going unmet, but oftentimes there's far more that's within our control than we might think. We'll cover: the importance of identifying your needs how to communicate...

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to bring up wanting to move in together with an avoidant partner. This episode will be super helpful for anyone in this same situation, or who is otherwise wanting to have a "what are we?" type chat with their avoidant partner. We'll cover: mindset shifts for the anxious partner in approaching these conversation...

In anticipation of the upcoming launch of my signature program Healing Anxious Attachment , today's episode is all about what changes you can expect as you heal your anxious attachment. I'll be sharing 6 shifts that you'll notice as you do the healing work and become more secure within yourself and in your relationships. We cover: learning to observe your anxious thoughts rather tha...

In today's episode, we're talking about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Depending on where you sit on the attachment spectrum, you may have a complicated relationship with privacy - both your own and others'. We'll discuss where the line is between privacy and secrecy, and what to do if you find other people's privacy uncomfortable or triggering. We cover: what...

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often considered the most complex and challenging of the attachment styles, characterised by a conflicting push-pull between wanting intimacy and fearing it. We'll cover: the betrayal wound and the importance of honesty &am...

In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we're still very much hoping our ex will reach out and want to rekindle. We cover: the importance of allowing ourselves to feel our feelings after a break-up why we don't need to emotionally let go before moving on how to take action to support...

In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and infatuation) to the power struggle (where all our flaws and wounds come to the fore). We'll talk about: what each stage of a relationship looks like why the transition from honeymoon period to...

In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"  We cover: anxious-avoidant sexual dynamics the sexual honeymoon period and what happens afterward why avoidant partners withdraw sexually  how anxiously attached people use sex for validation  Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That H...

In today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships.  We cover:  the importance of getting to know your inner world learning to feel safe with healthy interdependency  increasing your tolerance for disharmony and conflict getting curious about your triggers before acting on them communicating with words rather than actions the bene...

In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries, how to share feedback. These conversations are already intimidating for many anxiously attached folks, and when combined with the sensitivities of the avoidant partner, can be a perfec...

In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic se...

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, so don't beat yourself up if you're in this situation (or have been there in the past!) We'll cover: why it's normal to feel hurt by a partner moving on...

In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional health & safety in relationships. If you've ever wondered what "emotional safety" actually means, look no further - we'll be discussing some guiding principles and questions you can ask to assess how emotionally healthy your relationship is.  And most importantly, what you can do to improve the emotional state...