On Attachment

In today's episode, we're diving deep on the abandonment wound - a fear that lies at the heart of many insecure attachment patterns and relational dynamics. A fear of abandonment can show up in so many ways, and can keep us from experiencing relationships in a way that feels trusting, safe and secure.  We'll cover: how it feels to fear abandonment in your relationship different form...

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about discomfort — specifically, why it’s so essential in any healing journey to reframe the way we approach and relate to getting uncomfortable.  Most of us recoil at the first sign of discomfort, preferring to stay squarely within the domain of what we know and can control. But this often means we’re confining ourselves to a very limited experience of what’s...

Have you ever wondered why your relationship struggles persist, even when you love each other and have tried and tried to make it work? In today's episode, I'm sharing three essential ingredients to make a relationship work. These are fundamental pillars of healthy, lasting partnership - and yet, for a lot of people, one or more of these puzzle pieces are missing.  We'll cover: the...

Anxious attachment can be incredibly exhausting - but it doesn't have to govern your future.  And in today's episode, I'm going to be laying out the path to healing anxious attachment, walking you through the core pillars of my methodology. We'll discuss the importance of self-regulation and how we can start to build self-trust and safety from within rather than depending solel...

Have you ever wondered why it can be so challenging to recover from toxic relationships? Why the drama and unpredictability leave you feeling more disoriented and overwhelmed than relieved? In today's episode, I'm here to guide you through this complex terrain. We'll unravel the dynamics of such relationships and expose the confusion, grief, and shame that often accompany them.  It&...

Unless you're a true outlier, there's a pretty good chance you've had some experience with jealousy.  And yet, as universal as it is, jealousy is possibly one of the most maligned emotions we can have.  In today's episode, join me on a journey to understand this complex emotion better and explore ways to transform it into a tool for strengthening relationships. We'll explo...

Ever been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and especially so when co-parenting or shared responsibilities are at play.   In today's episode, I'll be sharing some strategies for establishing and upholding boundaries with ex-partners that allow you to prioritise your wellbeing. I'll...

Ever been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, we're unboxing this modern dating conundrum. We're peeling back the layers of why we find ourselves in these non-committal scenarios, particularly exploring the attachment drives that can both lead to and exacerbate this dynamic. More impor...

Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to detach from unhealthy people-pleasing behaviours that ask us to trade our authenticity for belonging and approval.  This episode challenges you to take a deeper look into your people pleasing tendencies,...

Is your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style.  We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this an empowering vo...

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as being a prolific author of several best-selling books such as Wired for Love and most recently, In Each Other's Care .  In this episode, Stan joins me to chat with me a...

In the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work with struggles with to some degree and it’s a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to our personal growth in relationships. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 3 tips for building self trust to help you to go out into the world and make aligned ch...

In today’s episode, I’m continuing my series of answering your questions around the “reasonableness” of certain expectations and requests in relationship, with the goal of helping you build the muscle of discernment and capacity for self trust in navigating these nuances for yourself   We'll cover: Is it unreasonable to talk about the future - marriage, moving in, trips away? Is it unreasonab...

Unless you’ve married your high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, you have likely experienced a breakup in your life. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 5 reminders and ways to support yourself while you're going through a break-up. We'll cover: The break-up is going to be hard Finding other support people Processing the break-up in anxious and avoidant ways Not making meaning...

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why you keep attracting the same type of person, this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by Dr Scott Lyons , a holistic psychologist, educator and author, to talk about addiction to drama, and why we may subconsciously seek out chaos and intensity in our lives and relationships (even when we think we're trying to avoid it).  We'll cover: Underst...

One of the things I’m most often asked is “How do I know if I’m being unreasonable in my relationship?”. This can be a really tough enquiry to determine for yourself, particularly when you’re getting a lot of pushback and self-trust may be lacking.  In today’s episode, I’m offering my take on your specific examples as to whether certain expectations, requests or situations are reasonable (or not),...

So much of the content around attachment theory focuses on the challenges that anxious-avoidant pairings can present. And while those challenges are undoubtedly very real, there are also real gifts within an anxious-avoidant dynamic when the individuals involved are prepared to meet in the middle. Today I’m sharing what those gifts can look like, and tips on making the most of your anxious-avoidan...

This week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more genuine, authentic connection and what that looks like for people with avoidant attachment styles and anxious attachment styles within relationships. We'll cover: Preferences of wanting to receive information Trust wounds in avoidant partners Self-servin...

A couple of weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on if “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true, and today I’m continuing the conversation around the reasons why people cheat in a relationship and getting curious around what’s driving these behaviours. For some people this may be a challenging episode to listen to, so please make sure you’re in the right mindset to listen. We'll cover: Wounds ar...

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vienna Pharaon. Vienna is a licensed marriage & family therapist, creator of the hugely successful @mindfulmft Instagram account, and recently published author of The Origins of You . Vienna has the gift of conveying complex and emotionally dense topics with such nuance. Today she joins me on the podcast to talk about origin wounds and how they impac...

When you really want a relationship, enjoying being single can be something incredibly challenging. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m diving into how to enjoy being single when all you really want is a relationship. We'll cover: Owning your desire for a loving, healthy relationship Being grateful in the present What it means to actually enjoy your life being single Use the code PHOEN...

In today's episode, I’m sharing five communication and conflict mistakes that I often see people making in relationships and what you can do instead to bridge a positive connection with your partner. We'll cover: Why we shouldn’t avoid the hard conversations What happens when we suppress our emotions How to express your desires with your partner Why we shouldn’t expect our partners to be...

Cheating within relationships can cause so much pain, grief and sensitivity around betray and infidelity. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m sharing my thoughts on if people can really change if they’ve cheated in the past and advice for people in the situation with concerns that their partner may not stay faithful. We'll cover: Learning from mistakes The messy feelings that lead to i...

In today's episode, I'm talking with NY-based coach, teacher and speaker, Connor Beaton about the challenges men are facing in our modern society. Connor and I talk through how understanding the experience of men better, we can cultivate healthier relationships and happier and more fulfilled lives.  Note: while On Attachment aims to be as inclusive as possible, this conversation is focus...

In today's episode, I'm unpacking the concept of "the one". When it comes to relationships, many of us have absorbed the conditioning that there is some perfect person out there for us - and our only job is to find them. This can lead us down a rabbit hole of doubt, comparison and low self-worth. We cover: why the idea of "the one" is unrealistic how it can lead us to...