On Attachment

In today's episode, we're talking all about the importance of self-care in a relationship, and how prioritising self-care can (somewhat counterintuitively) be far more nourishing and constructive for the relationship than being overly focused on the relationship itself.  We'll cover: why anxiously attached people tend to obsess over the relationship  how neglecting ourselves when th...

In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional availability. Emotional availability is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot on social media - and it seems like everybody is on the lookout for the "emotionally unavailable" people that are to be avoided at all costs. But as always, I think it's important to approach these conversations with nuance and curios...

✨ DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF GUIDE HERE ✨ In today's episode, I'm sharing 10 tips to start healing your anxious attachment style. While "healing" is not something that really lends itself to a formula or a 10-step plan, having guided thousands of students through the process of healing their anxious attachment I can certainly attest to the key growth areas for most folks with anxi...

In today's episode, we're talking all about people-pleasing: what it is, why we do it, and how it's different to "just being a nice person". For many of us, people pleasing is second nature. We are so accustomed to accommodating others and burying our own feelings and needs that we don't even realise we're doing it.  Unfortunately, this typically leads us to feel...

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted to those with avoidant attachment patterns (and vice versa). As we know, this is a very common relationship pairing - which can be confusing when you feel like the challenges of that dynamic are at odds with your preferences and desires.  As we'l...

In today's episode, I'm answering a listener's question of "How do I know if my relationship is worth fighting for?" This is a big question, and unfortunately it's one of those messy ones that no one can tell you the answer to. What's worth fighting for according to one person, might be simply too hard and too much for another. We'll cover: fear of regret no...

In today's episode, we're talking all about things that we need to normalise in long-term relationships. So much of the time, our expectations about our relationships - that they should be harmonious 100% of the time, that we should love everything about our partner, that we should never doubt or question our choices - leave us feeling confused and anxious.  When really, the problem is n...

In today's episode, we're talking about 5 things that secure couples do really well to build safety, intimacy and connection in their relationships. We'll cover: raising important issues and knowing when to let things go prioritising connection, play and intimacy validating each other's experience rather than needing to be right balancing togetherness and separateness engaging...

In today's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're answering your questions about how we've navigated aspects of the anxious-avoidant dynamic in our relationship.  We talk about: doing "the work" individually and as a couple how we've built trust and safety over time how we manage conflict and have hard conversations Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Train...

In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress is chronic and constant - and not only does that spell trouble for our health and wellbeing, but it can leave us feeling lonely, resentful and disconnected in our partnerships.  We'll cover: how stress can exacerbate existing attachment dynamic...

In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics). We'll cover: why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "th...

In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity ab...

In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns. We'll cover: the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence  inte...

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, this is an area I receive a lot of requests and questions around, as various non-monogamous relationship structures grow in popularity.  We'll cover: common struggles of anxious attachment and how they might show up in an open relationship structu...

You've probably heard about the 5 Love Languages as pioneered by Gary Chapman. In this episode, I’ll share how to navigate the very common situation of having different love languages to your partner. We'll also cover how love languages interface with anxious-avoidant dynamics, and offer insights and practical tools on how you can share your love language with your partner so they can un...

Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners. We’ll cov...

Retroactive jealousy is one that focuses on the past, fixating on other partners or stages in your partner's lives and being threatened by it. In today’s conversation, I’ll dive into how such jealousy stirs immense stress, but more importantly, we share insights into building healthier, more resilient relationships. We'll cover: Impacting our self worth Looking for skeletons and reasons...

With societal pressures and a ticking clock, being newly single in your mid-30s can be challenging. In today’s episode, I want to share advice on navigating being newly single and the mindset for dating, and honouring the desires you have without feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. We'll cover: Grieving a future you thought you would have The opportunity for reframe Comparisons to other people’s...

As an anxiously attached person, space in a relationship can sometimes feel like the biggest threat. In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own experience with this and advice on how you can consciously choose space and separateness to foster greater intimacy in your relationship, especially in a time where you may feel more drawn to stay connected. We'll cover: Wanting to close the gap and be cl...

Looking out for someone who you care for that is going through a hard time is a challenge most of us will have to face in our lifetimes. But feelings of threat to the relationship, especially as an anxious attached person may come up in these times, and I want to help you navigate through these while prioritising your wellbeing, and not overstepping. We'll cover: Monitoring your “fixing” the...

In today's episode, I'm answering your questions on the topic of break-ups. Break-ups are a universally challenging experience, and an area that I receive a lot of questions on. So today I'm answering your questions on: what is a no-contact period and how best to implement it? when is it a good idea to reconcile with an ex? how to deal with guilt around knowing that I need to break...

In today’s episode, we’re exploring long-distance relationships. Despite the old adage of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, many people tend to really struggle with long-distance relationship structures.  We’ll cover: Why it’s normal and natural to struggle with long-distance How attachment dynamics can exacerbate long-distance challenges Tips for maintaining connection while apart Highlighte...

In today’s episode, I’m answering a listener’s question on how to stop taking things so personally. This is something a lot of us struggle with, and can lead us to internalise others’ behaviour in ways that damage our self-esteem and exacerbate our suffering.  We’ll cover: Why you might take things personally  The link between people pleasing and taking things personally How to approach these situ...

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about attachment styles and break-ups. While of course, break-ups are messy, personal and far from formulaic, there are undeniably certain themes in how our break-ups feel that can be traced to our attachment patterns. Understanding the ways in which attachment drives can shape how we relate to and experience break-ups is essential in finding greater compassio...

Does ghosting leave you feeling anxious, confused, and questioning your self-worth? If so, you’re not alone.  Today, we're diving deep into this all-too-common dating phenomenon. We'll explore  why ghosting occurs, the common impacts it has on self-esteem, and how to give yourself the closure and peace you desire.  Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiousl...