On Attachment

Today's episode is part one of a two-part series on 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style.  I'm going to be running through some of the less obvious expressions of the anxious attachment style, as well as the underlying drivers of these patterns. ⭐️ JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT ⭐️ Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attache...

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by James "Fish" Gill to talk all things conflict and conscious communication. Fish is a coach, teacher and facilitator whose work offers a compassionate paradigm for relating to and transforming moments of conflict in all of our relationships.  We cover: why we so easily end up in conflict and opposition with people we love how we...

In this week's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're exploring some common misconceptions about avoidant attachment. Avoidant attachment is frequently misunderstood and misrepresented in a lot of online content, and it's so important to me to dispel some of those portrayals and offer something more humanising and more honest about what's going on for avoidant fo...

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by Julie Menanno. Julie is a couples therapist, best known for her hugely popular instagram account @thesecurerelationship where she offers nuanced and insightful takes on attachment dynamics and how couples can overcome negative cycles to build secure relationships. She has just released her first book, Secure Love, which offers couples a r...

In today's episode, we're talking all about getting back together with an ex. Facing the prospect of rekindling after a relationship has ended can bring up so many conflicting feelings - longing, optimism and hope, together with fear, worry, self-doubt and anxiety. In helping you navigate the messiness of these situations, I'll be sharing some good reasons and some not-so-good reaso...

✨ Last chance to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨ If you've ever come across standard "self-love" advice and it hasn't really landed for you, you're not alone. As great as it would be if we could all click our heels and achieve self-love, the simple reality is that for most of us, that's a far cry from where we're at - and if anything, the pressure to lo...

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson and we're talking all about building self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence in the context of dating. Dr. Morgan is a licensed clinical psychologist, attachment theory expert, relationship coach, and author of the relationship self-help book, Love Magnet . She is also the host of the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. In our...

In today's episode, we're talking all about why avoidant partners tend to struggle with defensiveness. While defensiveness is far from being the exclusive domain of avoidant attachment, many people will attest to the fact that avoidant folks are often quick to become defensive in response to relational tension or ruptures - and that this can form a key piece in the negative cycle of many...

In today's episode, we're talking all about comparison. Comparison is one of those things that we're all susceptible to at some point or another: we compare ourselves based on appearance, personality, success, relationships. It can sometimes seem like there's a neverending list of reasons to feel dissatisfied or inadequate when we look at our lives relative to someone else&apos...

In today's episode, we're talking all about break-ups. Break-ups are one of the most challenging and sometimes destabilising emotional experiences we can go through, and there is so much conflicting advice and information on how best to approach the ending of a relationship. In this episode, I'm providing you with some hard (but hopefully liberating) truths about the break-up proces...

For our last episode of the year, I'm sharing my own story about the power of choosing courage over comfort and making bold, scary, uncomfortable choices in the direction of the life that you desire. So many of us cling to familiarity and the known thing, even when it feels draining and deeply at odds with who we want to be and how we want our lives to look and feel.  As we say goodbye to 202...

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts about trust, risk and vulnerability. Many of us would prefer to trust only when we've completely de-risked or have some semblance of certainty that we won't get hurt, but unfortunately this is entirely at odds with the inherent vulnerability of trust.  We'll cover: why our fear will always keep us on the lookout for ways in whi...

In today's episode, we're unpacking three relationship superpowers (which frankly are also life superpowers!). These are the skills and mindset pieces that I wish for everyone to be cultivating as they walk the path of becoming more secure in themselves and in their partnerships.  We talk about: discernment and self-trust the importance of humility and curiosity keeping things in perspec...

In today's episode, we're talking all about the importance of self-care in a relationship, and how prioritising self-care can (somewhat counterintuitively) be far more nourishing and constructive for the relationship than being overly focused on the relationship itself.  We'll cover: why anxiously attached people tend to obsess over the relationship  how neglecting ourselves when th...

In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional availability. Emotional availability is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot on social media - and it seems like everybody is on the lookout for the "emotionally unavailable" people that are to be avoided at all costs. But as always, I think it's important to approach these conversations with nuance and curios...

✨ DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF GUIDE HERE ✨ In today's episode, I'm sharing 10 tips to start healing your anxious attachment style. While "healing" is not something that really lends itself to a formula or a 10-step plan, having guided thousands of students through the process of healing their anxious attachment I can certainly attest to the key growth areas for most folks with anxi...

In today's episode, we're talking all about people-pleasing: what it is, why we do it, and how it's different to "just being a nice person". For many of us, people pleasing is second nature. We are so accustomed to accommodating others and burying our own feelings and needs that we don't even realise we're doing it.  Unfortunately, this typically leads us to feel...

In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted to those with avoidant attachment patterns (and vice versa). As we know, this is a very common relationship pairing - which can be confusing when you feel like the challenges of that dynamic are at odds with your preferences and desires.  As we'l...

In today's episode, I'm answering a listener's question of "How do I know if my relationship is worth fighting for?" This is a big question, and unfortunately it's one of those messy ones that no one can tell you the answer to. What's worth fighting for according to one person, might be simply too hard and too much for another. We'll cover: fear of regret no...

In today's episode, we're talking all about things that we need to normalise in long-term relationships. So much of the time, our expectations about our relationships - that they should be harmonious 100% of the time, that we should love everything about our partner, that we should never doubt or question our choices - leave us feeling confused and anxious.  When really, the problem is n...

In today's episode, we're talking about 5 things that secure couples do really well to build safety, intimacy and connection in their relationships. We'll cover: raising important issues and knowing when to let things go prioritising connection, play and intimacy validating each other's experience rather than needing to be right balancing togetherness and separateness engaging...

In today's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're answering your questions about how we've navigated aspects of the anxious-avoidant dynamic in our relationship.  We talk about: doing "the work" individually and as a couple how we've built trust and safety over time how we manage conflict and have hard conversations Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Train...

In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress is chronic and constant - and not only does that spell trouble for our health and wellbeing, but it can leave us feeling lonely, resentful and disconnected in our partnerships.  We'll cover: how stress can exacerbate existing attachment dynamic...

In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics). We'll cover: why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "th...

In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity ab...