Oh, Sister!

cw: discussion of gender dynamics through LDS gender binary framework; mention of violence and m*rder Today we’re learning about the stark differences between how the LDS Church teaches their young women and young men. I analyze the youth lesson manual topics to compare and contrast the emphasis given to preparing for a future of family life, and I discuss the heavy implications the “gender divide...

cw: Reading through and discussing my own patriarchal blessing—discretion advised for believing Latter-day Saints. Skip through if you don’t want to hear it! I’ve had this on the backburner and I decided today is the day. I’m reading through my patriarchal blessing and discussing the specific ways it harmed my development, before and during my mission. In week forty-six my journal entries include...

cw: discussion of theological arguments for racism It’s season 3! I’ve wanted to discuss the LDS Church’s theological relationship with race, with regards to Black people in particular. Today, I finally decided how to start this topic—by reading from the Book of Mormon.  In week forty-five my journal entries include picking up and moving to my third area, saying goodbye to my old trainee and meeti...

cw: mention of diet culture/restrictive eating, mention of food insecurity I don’t know if you’ve noticed but whenever I’m writing about something sad in my journal as a missionary, there’s always some sort of faithful spin, some positive element, some way to see God’s hand in it all. This was a learned, cultural response. I didn’t just make this up on my own—I knew that part of being a valiant ex...

cw: mention of pornography We open today with a discussion on the strong culture for “kindness” and against contention. From the hymns we sing in Sunday services to missionary guidelines on living like Christ, it’s no wonder that I struggled with honest communication on my mission! I believe that this cultural refusal to tolerate conflict ruins true relational authenticity at best, and in worst ca...

cw: discussion of stalking, discussion of ableism/exploitation of disabled people Following last week’s introduction to our new mission president, this week I open with a brief introduction to the leaked 2006 official Mission President’s Handbook. There were too many wild topics I couldn’t even cover, so you should definitely go check it out yourself but I do point out the instructions related to...

cw: discussion of homophobia; discussion of stalking; swearing  This week my entire mission experienced all of the upheaval and excitement that came with the cyclical ending of President Allen’s reign, as he finished his time in the presiding chair and passed the baton to his replacement, President Partridge. I open the episode with an analysis of the MTC training for Mission Presidents—the 2015 S...

cw: swearing; mention of sexual assaults, violence, threats of violence; discussion of systemic enslavement and abuse of Indigenous people; discussion of discrimination against and harmful stereotypes of Indigenous people As a Sister Missionary I believed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, MY Church, was an entirely positive force for good in the world, and that included the Church’s...

I open today’s episode with a reflection on my loss of community. I wish the rituals around life milestones that I grew up with were for everyone, rather than only for the worthy in-group. One of the devastating realities of losing faith in Mormonism is the included loss of community, due to the church’s essential theological teachings that those who leave the faith are unredeemable and corrupted....

cw: discussion of emergency weather (tornadoes, thunder storm) From primary and onwards, LDS Church goers are consistently reminded to obey their church leaders to find safety, happiness, and freedom. I kick things off today with a quick overview of the messaging missionaries get on this topic, and then of course I have to talk about how I think always following your church leaders is a terribly u...

cw: (!!!discussion of church's truth claims, proceed with caution, skip to journal entries if needed) discussion of racism and genocide, mention of r*pe culture, mention of assault rifles, mention of violence against groups Today I want to begin discussing the deep connection Mormonism has with Native American people. It seems to me that the LDS church came into existence due to racist attitud...

cw: discussion of attitudes around death, mention of violence in scripture I’m shining a light on how missionaries are prepped with coercive strategies and trained to manipulate! Today we’re learning about one of the goals from the 12-Week Training Program, “I am comfortable with silence as I teach.” I’ll give a glimpse into what this meant for me as a missionary, how I trained other missionaries...

cw: mention of pornography  Zone Conference is once again upon us, and it’s just as toxic as ever. This week I’m focusing in on the theme of sacrificing yourself to receive the blessings of heaven, except it turns out that sacrificing and suffering can be really bad for people. I turn to the research behind Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, as a basic argument against the idea of suffering a...

cw: food shaming, discussion of death As foretold by my Sister Training Leader, I had finally been tasked with one of a missionary’s most important responsibilities—training another missionary. This week I’m discussing the gravitas surrounding the assignment to train, and I’ll also begin exploring the church’s seemingly retired In-Field Training: The First 12 Weeks program. In week thirty-four, my...

A few weeks back an infamous talk came up in my journal, and today we’re unpacking it! I present to you "The Fourth Missionary," explained through the lens of psychological tactics used to manipulate and brainwash. In week thirty-three, my journal entries include giving Sister Feist her final farewell as she returns home with honor, meeting my new companion (my first trainee!), and recei...

It’s Mother’s Day on my mission, and so I continue the theme from last week and discuss the LDS Church’s discourse on “the divine role of women.” This week I share general conference addresses that teach what a woman is meant for, what she should aspire to, what will bring her fulfillment, and where she should spend her time. Not surprisingly, these messages linger in my subconscious long after I...

cw:  discussion of death and loss A big result of my missionary experience was quadrupling down on the idea that I needed to GET MARRIED and BE A MOTHER. I’ve been seeing more and more talk about this in my journal, and even in my emails home, so I’ve gotta’ talk about it once again. This week I’m drawing in the wisdom of Margi Dehlin, as she explained how orthodox Mormon teachings and culture har...

cw:  food shaming; discussion of stalking, suic*dality, & abuse; I swear in this episode Part of my unpacking process has drawn me to learning more about my family history—specifically, the stories of the women in my family who were first affected by the LDS church. I’ve been listening to the incredible work of Lindsey Hansen Park—the Year of Polygamy podcast—which has been (sadly) helpful wit...

cw:  discussion of stalking & fear of violence I always thought of missionaries as unstoppable messengers for God, and grew up hearing stories of how missionaries were miraculously saved from scary situations. This week, we see my cultural idea of missionary invincibility crash up against the reality of being a young woman with an obedient heart and zero tolerance for conflict.  In week twenty...

Although the standard grouping for missionaries is “two by two,” sometimes things come up and suddenly you’re in a TRIO. I’m kicking things off by explaining some of the ups and downs of being in a trio, as well as being with missionaries who are soon to go home. In week twenty-eight, my journal entries include actually going on a recreational hike on P-day, teaching a member with connections to a...

Welcome to season 2! In line with my transfer to a new area, I start things out with an explanation of “pink washing,” leading into the patriarchal gender dynamics between Sisters and Elders. I found a fascinating historical timeline of LDS Sister Missionaries that was written in response to the lowering of age limits for missionary service. Dr. Radke-Moss posited that Sister Missionaries might be...

cw: mention of dental work As a young woman trying to find myself as a sister missionary, I had a deep yearning to find my spiritual purpose—to not only feel my connection to the divine, but to see myself in the divine. Unfortunately, the Mormon theological world has almost no female representation. I’ll discuss how this environment of male-centric authority figures and spiritual philosophies lead...

cw: incidents of racism, discussion of racism People tend to believe that “educated” and “intelligent” people would never be tricked into falling for a scam, but it turns out that we are all prone to blind spots when it comes to what is near and dear to the heart. I focus in on this idea, using the example of believing in literal spiritual healing while maintaining skepticism towards alternative e...

I’ve been saying for a while now that I want to discuss ableism and today I’m officially starting that discussion, with a focus on how the Church interacts with its elderly members. Spoilers—the church encourages the congregation to give to the church generously, while also discouraging “handouts” from the church back to the Ward members. This week’s journals include meeting a darling elderly wido...

We all know that “you can buy anything in this world with money” ; ), and “nothing is free.” You might think that at least going on a two-year proselyting mission for the LDS church would be free but you’d be wrong! I start today’s episode by breaking down the basics of financing a mission, with a focus on the Missionary Support Fund. This week’s journals include stressing out over a probable prom...