Normalize therapy.

One of the benefits of being a patron of The Marriage Podcast for Smart People is that you’re given the opportunity to request topics. One of our patrons asked us to address cross-cultural or inter-racial marriages. It’s an interesting area, with research showing that there are some common difficulties inter-racial couples face, as well as some real strengths they can draw from their different bac...

This is a great question! Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just leave all the past behind, turn over a new leaf, and start afresh?  Most couples have problems and difficulties that they’ve been through and are trying to put behind them. Some of you might even have serious issues in your past that are still causing you pain and affecting your marriage today. And so you may be wondering if it’s poss...

You probably already know whether you are the kind of couple that holds hands in public or the kind that keeps a careful distance. What you might not know is how much that gap, when it exists between spouses, can quietly shape the emotional temperature of a marriage over time. PDA, or public display of affection, covers any physical or verbal expression of love that others can witness: holding han...

Well, this should be a fun subject! There are a lot of factors that go into how household chores get divided up between husband and wife, and today we want to give you guidance as to how to do that without creating any unnecessary conflict or resentment. Have you and your spouse ever had an argument over whose turn it is to do the dishes? Or do you ever resent your spouse for doing less around the...

The busyness of life can often have an impact on your marriage, and few stages of life are as hectic as raising toddlers. Balancing the never ending demands of looking after young children with a full time job and caring for elderly parents can seem impossible, and this stress is bound to have an affect on the amount of time you have for your spouse. So what can you do?

What do you do when your marriage is absolutely at the end of the road? Is divorce your only option? Does separation ever help couples reconcile? And is there ever such a thing as a marriage that’s beyond recovery? I’ve had a number of individuals reach out to me lately through our website saying that they are absolutely at the end of their rope as far as their marriage goes. They aren’t just whin...

If I had a dollar every time a husband told me he wasn’t a very emotional guy, I’d be retired by now. But hey, I’m not judging. I used to think the same thing. Turns out: it’s pure bunkum. And it’s messing up your marriage too. It’s definitely a very commonly held view that women are more emotional than men. The stereotypical view is that women’s emotions are all over the place and they’re only to...

So for a long time, I thought praying together was just a nice thing to do. It was one of those optional, lets-do-this-if-we-remember kind of things. But with time, my perspective on this has shifted. A lot. Regular readers of the blog will know that we offer sound, research-based advice, as well as speaking from a Christian worldview. Even today when we’re looking at the effect of prayer on your...

This week we’re hitting a very specific moment that is occurring in many marriages; that moment when you discover your husband’s porn habit. The revelation that your husband is addicted to some form of pornography is obviously a huge problem and a real shock to your marriage. But we’re going to look at what the research says is the best way to deal with it in the immediate aftermath and how...

Did you know that 89% of veterans experiencing PTSD report one or more kinds of sexual dysfunction? And that survivors of childhood sexual abuse have a very common set of negative feelings and beliefs about sex? That’s the bad news. The good news: your marriage can become a place to help heal trauma — even through what happens in your most intimate moments. In our previous  post we asked whether ...

Do you ever get the sense that an unseen force is at work in your marriage? I’m not going all woo-woo on you here, but what if you could identify that force, understand it, and then use your marriage as a place of healing? If you’ve been through some kind of deeply traumatic experience then it’s perfectly reasonable to expect that it will have had some effect on you as a person. But tr...

Is this just a Christian myth? Is the idea that the best sex occurs within marriage something that is only believed by church-going people? What does the research say? If you’re struggling with your sex life we offer sound, research-based advice, and today, hope for a constantly improving sex life too. Today we’re going to be looking at why the best sex happens inside marriage. Actually, it’s hard...

I was originally thinking of coming up with an inflammatory title for this post like “Chapman’s Love Languages Debunked” because that makes for good clickbait on the internet! But this is The Marriage Podcast for Smart People and I figured, well, smart people are going to see that I’m just trying to create hype. And my mission is to help marriages, not create hype. So we’re actually going to look...

Three weeks after she found out, a client told me she was writing a grocery list on the back of an envelope when she noticed her hands were shaking so badly she could not read her own handwriting. She had not been thinking about her husband. Her body had. That is what post infidelity stress disorder looks like in real life. It is the persistent stress response that often follows the discovery of a...

Today’s episode is twice the challenge: we’re dealing with the difficult subject of abuse in marriage but we’re also talking about when to leave a marriage too, which, under normal circumstances, is contrary to our personal values and our mission to help save marriages. So read carefully and thoughtfully as we navigate this very difficult topic. Today we’re going to be guiding you through this sub...

Will the abuse get better? Or is it going to stay the same? Abuse is deeply rooted in belief systems and so we want to talk about recovery rates and how to figure out if you might consider sticking things out or if there is no hope for your husband. Today we’re going to be looking at what the research says about trajectories of abuse. Meaning: if you learned from the last episode that you are in a...

Abuse is such a tough situation. We want to speak to all the brave wives out there who are putting on the mask every Sunday and acting like things are OK when every week you live through a cycle of walking on eggshells, explosions, the honeymoon stage and then starting all over again. But abuse isn’t always as obvious as physical threats or violence; there are lots of subtler— but equally damaging...

I find it’s pretty easy to avoid conflict. I kind of stockpile the issues until it gets really big and then I feel like I’m ready to talk. But the irony is: that’s actually when I’m least ready to talk. As soon as I open my mouth I know it’s not going to go well. So if avoiding conflict and bottling everything up until I burst isn’t the answer, is there a better way of approaching conflict?...

What do you do when you want to spice up your sex life? We usually start thinking about new positions, or lingerie or maybe traveling to some exotic location with our spouse. Physical things. But what if the key to great sex was found in a completely different dimension? Sexual Experience Types & Attachment The research we’re looking at today will actually have a profound impact on the whole s...

Has infidelity impacted your marriage? Do you feel like you need guidance through recovery and rebuilding your marriage? A few months ago we ran a 15 Day Marriage Challenge and were absolutely stunned by the number of people going through that process who were dealing with betrayal in the form of an affair or infidelity. Caleb created the 30 Day Betrayal Devotional set as a response to this need....

Do you ever wonder why you can’t trust your spouse? Especially when you think you should be able to? Before we start, we want to make it clear who this episode is for because it may not be immediately apparent from the title. We’re speaking to men and women who are struggling to trust their spouse and recognize that this trust issue lies primarily within themselves at this point. There may have be...

Even if you’re happily married you might find dates with your spouse kind of awkward sometimes. What do you talk about? I know we struggle at times to have an easy flow of conversation, too. I don’t know what it is about dates that make it difficult to know what to talk about. Sometimes we’re just distracted or exhausted but sometimes if you’re up to date with each other then you’re also not...

Maybe your spouse has complained to you that he or she just doesn’t feel appreciated. Well, let’s just take that at face value today and work on this whole appreciation thing. It can only help, right? One of my favorite Bible verses is: “You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who h...

Making your marriage more intimate can seem like a daunting task. Until you understand that there are just four basic components. We help you identify each of them and show you what you can do to take your marriage to the next level.

What happens if your marriage really hasn’t been that great but you’ve been sticking it out for the kids, or for some other reason. Let’s say the reason you’ve been sticking it out is no longer relevant… Now what? If the purpose for staying married is no longer relevant, is your marriage toast? Or can you do something to redeem and reconfigure your relationship so that new life is breathed into it...