Normalize therapy.

If you and your spouse are in serious trouble, someone has probably suggested a separation. Maybe the conflict has gotten relentless. Maybe one of you has pulled back so far that nothing seems to reach the other. Maybe there has been a betrayal. Whatever brought you here, the question of separation is real, and it deserves a clear-eyed answer. A therapeutic separation is not the same as deciding y...

Adult Children of Alcoholics — did you know that was a thing? ACOA’s are what we call them for short. If you’re an ACOA it means you had at least one parent with a history of alcoholism, or possibly even a grandparent. The issues you faced as a child can continue to affect the entire family, including the way you relate to others in your life today. Background to ACOA An alcoholic parent or caregi...

Here in North America we’ve become pretty conversant with ADHD as a culture. How it impacts kids at school, in the home, and so on. But it’s time to start the conversation around how ADHD impacts marriage. Did you know that your marriage can be a place that fosters a reduction in the problematic symptomatology of ADHD? What is ADHD? Just in case this is a new term for you, ADHD is a mental health...

If your husband is abusive it can be really, really difficult to get him into therapy for help. And yet, this leaves the wife in a very difficult place — not only because of the abuse — but because usually the burden of mending the relationship and the problems are placed on her. That’s part of the abusive dynamic. So how do you get past the control and manipulation? How do you convince an abusive...

Nagging is our subject for today. We’ve got some insights for you today! For example, did you know that there is a good reason why wives nag more than husbands? And that it is not actually because there’s something wrong with the wife? This is like mythbusters for marriage! Nobody likes being nagged by their spouse. And no one likes having to nag their spouse over and over about something. But, as...

Today we are going to unpack the virtue of admiration. By the way, did you know that admiration has a dark side?  I had no idea until we tackled this subject too, but it does make a lot of sense! If you’ve ever read the Song of Solomon in the Bible I think you have a pretty clear example there of how admiration is so helpful for fostering love and affection between lovers. What is Admiration? I im...

Can you remember what it was like to flirt with your spouse before you were together? The fun and excitement of figuring out you were into each other… don’t you wish you could bring that spice into your relationship now that you’ve been together for years? Well, that’s exactly what we’re going to look at today! What is Flirting? Here’s a simple definition: flirting is any behavior with has the pot...

You came home tired. Your spouse forgot the thing you asked them to do. You smiled and said, “Oh, perfect.” Two words. Light tone. Funny, almost. And the look that crossed their face for half a second told you exactly how those two words landed. Sarcasm in marriage is one of those habits that sounds harmless when it leaves your mouth and lands like contempt in your partner’s nerv...

Ogling or objectifying the bodies of others by staring with obvious sexual interest can be an easy habit to get into. Especially in a culture that objectifies women. It’s also something that recovering porn addicts have to work really hard at to break. But: there are plenty of non-addicts that deal with this too, so let’s break this down and figure out how to break free of this habit. I think the...

Balancing work and family can be a tricky task for any marriage. In fact, sometimes it can seem like it’s impossible to really satisfy either area: either work is going to be unhappy if you put too much emphasis on family, or family is going to be unhappy if there’s too much emphasis on work. Or: both will be unhappy! This is really hard to figure out! Work-Family Conflict Work and family are prob...

Loyalty in marriage is one of the most powerful predictors of a long-lasting, stable relationship. In one study that followed 147 couples who had been happily married more than 20 years, loyalty to the spouse came in as the second strongest predictor of long-term stability. That makes loyalty one of the most important features of building a marriage that actually lasts. But here is where it gets i...

I do not think that there is a human being on the face of our planet right now who does not struggle at least a little bit with defensives. Some of us struggle a lot. And defensiveness in marriage is definitely going to make you unhappy and dissatisfied with your marriage. Turns out, it’s not an easy one to overcome either—but today we’re going to show you how. This week we are gonna call you out...

Resentment is what happens when you are treated unfairly and you begin to feel angry and bitter. Resentment can be directed at your spouse, at God, at your life: but if it begins to play a significant role in your marriage, that’s going to make home a pretty tough place to be. Proverbs 12:25 says that anxiety makes the heart heavy and as I thought about the subject of resentment it occurred to me...

Today we want to lift the hood on the world of marriage counseling and look at one particular approach and how it works. If you’ve ever been curious about what happens in the counseling room or are considering counseling there’s a lot more to it than you might think! The Mystery of Marriage Counseling The world of counseling may seem like a mysterious or even intimidating place to those who know l...

I am excited about this episode today. We all dread mental health issues but today you’ll find out that there is a lot of hope for marriages where one spouse has significant mental health problems. Mental health is a huge problem that affects millions of people around the world. Disorders including depression, anxiety, bipolar and others impact many more people than you may think and can cause rea...

When you become aware and appreciative of that which is valuable and meaningful, that is called gratitude. Gratitude needs to be expressed, and what we notice in our marriage is that we tend to experience it more than we express it. So we thought we should think more about that. Gratitude is a powerful thing. Being mindful of all the good things in your life can change your whole outlook and make...

We all carry at least a little narcissism in our hearts. We all show a few traits that belie underlying pride and entitlement. But what happens in marriages when narcissism is a defining feature? And how can spouses of narcissists learn best to cope with this issue? Ok let’s get into the topic of narcissism — which, actually, can be one that feels pretty hopeless. But this is the first time I’ve r...

Merry Christmas!! Or, at least, that’s the way it is supposed to be. But does it always work out that way? Read on and we’ll tell you why it might — or it might not! Christmas is a time for coming together as a family and celebrating. Right? While lots of people probably have very merry Christmases, many will also find the holiday season stressful and difficult. Having a merry Christmas as a coupl...

Today is a difficult episode about the hardcore realities of the pornography industry. How is this marriage related? Well, pornography is a leading cause of divorce nowadays and one of the myths that we need to debunk as we fight this cancer is that viewing porn is a victimless activity. Around 1/2 of marriages have at least one pornography-using spouse. Objectification is a big part of using porn...

Families involving stepparents and step children are always tricky. And yet they’re a very common kind of family unit in today’s society. So how do the marriages look in these blended families? As we look into this we’ll see that a happy marriage and a happy blended family are very closely linked. How Common are Blended Marriages? Over half of marriages every year are second marriages for one or b...

One of the things I hear a lot of wives calling their husbands out on is spiritual leadership. Even in marriages that aren’t particularly distressed. This isn’t a subject we’ve tackled before so I thought it would be good to look at so that we can give husbands some help on how to move forward in this area of married life. This is a tricky topic for a lot of guys. I know in our marriage for the lo...

I’ve run across a number of couples lately — mainly younger couples — who are watching X-rated movies or pornography in order to “spice up their sex life”. It is not uncommon in our world to think that pornography has something to offer your marriage, but today, we’re going to take a look at what the research says porn really does for, or, more precisely, to your marriage. So I am going to come at...

You know the loop. You said something perfectly ordinary. Your husband (or your wife) heard something else entirely. You tried to clarify. He defended. You got more frustrated. He got more sure he was being attacked. By the time you came up for air, neither of you could remember what the original disagreement was about. You were just arguing about the arguing. If you keep finding yourself in this...

A few days after this episode is released is Veteran’s Day or Memorial Day. We wanted to acknowledge our servicemen and women who serve our country and that of our neighbor, the USA, and to thank you for helping make it possible for us to live lives of freedom and meaning. If you’re not a veteran I would encourage you to take in today’s episode regardless to better understand some of the sacrifice...

Many studies place average preferred or helpful foreplay time somewhere in the 15 to 25 minute range, but there is wide variation from woman to woman. The number that actually matters is not minutes. It is the presence behind them. Research lands in that ballpark, and yet a lot of marriages with plenty of foreplay are still missing the connection that makes it work. Here is what the research says...