No Visible Bruises

This week I want to talk about co-parenting with a narcissist in COVID times. We'll talk about what happens when the pandemic is used as an excuse for not giving the kids back, or sending them over. We will also go through the best way to communicate with a narcissist in conflict situations, and what parallel parenting is.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: The difficulties of co-parenting with...

This week I want to talk to you about judgement from the Internal Family Systems and parts therapy perspective. We’ll go over what judgement really is and what questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of judgement both towards yourself and towards other people, including the narcissist. What You Will Learn In This Episode: 
 How to look at judgement as one of the parts in our system The p...

This week we talk about the possibility of curing a narcissist, and what we can do to make our situation better. Is it possible at all to get beyond their protector parts, and heal that wounded inner child that is responsible for their narcissistic behaviour?   What You Will Learn In This Episode: - What the real chances are of curing a narcissist - How a covert narcissist turns things around and...

Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents How to release the legacy burden that we’ve go...

The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in. What You Will Learn in This Episode: How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector H...

Today we talk about the three stages of our healing process when we are divorcing a narcissist. We go through our priorities in stage one, sorting out the legalities while starting to heal in stage two, and recognising that healing is a lifelong journey in stage three.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: Safety is the first priority when divorcing a narcissist The triangle of divorcing - legalit...

Today I talk about cheating narcissists, the reasons behind cheating, and what it is that narcissists pursue by doing it. We also cover narcissists' strong protective parts, how codependents in a relationship trigger cheating behaviours, and the difference between healthy and narcissistic abusive relationships. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The reasons behind your partner’s cheating The rol...

Today we’re talking about anxiety and depression, not as mere symptoms that need to be treated, but as parts of us showing up for a certain reason. Let’s ask ourselves - why are we anxious, why are we depressed, why are those parts showing up? What You Will Learn In This Episode: Looking at anxiety and depression as trauma responses within our body Deb Dana's ladder analogy in the context of narci...

Today I want to talk about two words that may conjure up very different concepts to you, and they are narcissism and confidence. We go over what narcissism is, what true confidence is, and how to tell a difference. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder The difficulties with diagnosing someone as a narcissist Why we nee...

Today we talk about the little signs and the red flags that we must be aware of when we start dating someone new. Even after a traumatic separation, at some point we need to start meeting new people, but we must have ears and eyes open to the signs of narcissistic behavior, so we know what to do if they keep happening.   What You Will Learn In This Episode: How we can step out into the dating worl...

In this episode I’m talking about the addiction to the narcissist in your life, how to deal with it, and the first steps to overcome it. Remember that every addiction serves to stop us from feeling the pain of our wounded younger part, and today we are going to unpack that mechanism.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: Recognizing the difference between knowing you are good enough and feeling li...

Do narcissists deliberately try to hurt you? What is their driving force? Even when they say or do horrible things to us, the narcissist’s intention is purely about themselves. What they pursue is the narcissistic drug of choice, what we call the narcissistic supply. That is the only thing they are after. What You Will Learn In This Episode: - Narcissistic abuse happens TO you. It doesn’t happen B...

In this week’s episode, I want to talk about what exactly a narcissist is, and what tool is used to identify narcissistic personality disorder. We tend to wrongly label narcissists as those who take lots of selfies or those who are rude to us, and by doing that, we are not helping the real victims of narcissistic abuse.    What You Will Learn In This Episode:   •The difference between being a narc...

Today I want to share with you the five key phrases that are great to disarm the narcissist. These phrases really helped me and my clients to understand that the power is within us to heal from narcissistic abuse. Five Key Phrases to Disarm the Narcissist: I'm so sorry you feel like that. I can accept your faulty perception of me. I have no right to control how you see me. I accept that this is ho...

In this episode, I want to talk about the different parts of you, that may be stopping you from healing from narcissistic abuse. In working with my clients, I use an evidence based parts therapy called Internal Family Systems, and I’m going to explain what it is and how it can help you heal. What You Will Learn In This Episode: Internal Family Systems and the concept of True Self Two main types of...

We rarely talk about the illness and disease that come from being in a narcissistic relationship. Today I want to talk about the physical effects of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, about why that might happen, and I want to potentially give you some hope. What you will learn in this episode: How our bodies respond to stress. Why our bodies remain in constant trauma when being in a relationship w...

Many times people are saying to me ‘Caroline, I just struggle getting out of bed in the morning, and I know I should be doing x, y, and z but I just haven't got any energy, and I feel weak and ashamed.’ In this episode, I want to help you try and lift some of that guilt and shame off yourself. What You Will Learn In This Episode: How our body and our nervous system works The Polyvagal Theory and t...

In this episode, I want to talk to you about the 4 trauma responses when we talk about narcissistic abuse. Many of you have heard about fight, flight and freeze, but there's also a fourth one that’s lesser known - fawn or appease. So let’s go through each of these four, and see if you can resonate with any of them. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What happens in our brain when we perceive dan...

I get so many messages every day from people all over the world asking - Am I A Narcissist? The first answer I always say back to them is no, you're not a narcissist because no narcissist would ever ask themselves such a question. What You Will Learn In This Episode: Why narcissists will never describe themselves as narcissists How your doubts reveal your being abused The psychological changes tha...

Today I want to talk to you about a term that you may have seen associated with narcissistic abuse.. This is Grey Rocking, and I’m going to explain how to be a Grey Rock around the narcissist. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What Grey Rock means in the communication with a narcissist Why it is necessary to adopt this behavior How to avoid being activated by what the narcissist says Practical...

I get messaged many times about the fact that people just can't break that addiction to the narcissist even if they know that it isn't the right thing for them to keep on messaging or emailing the narcissist in their life. We actually call this a trauma bond, and in this episode I explain exactly what it is. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What is Stockholm Syndrome and how it relates to the...

While talking therapy does have a place in the recovery process, in this episode I'm going to explain to you exactly why talk therapy alone can't heal narcissistic abuse. What You Will Learn In This Episode: Complex PTSD and why it so difficult to heal The benefits and limits of talk therapy like CBT and DBT Why you need a therapist who has been through the trauma of narcissistic abuse Why talk th...

Gaslighting is a very insidious form of psychological abuse. It leaves the victims feeling insane, thinking they are the crazy ones. In this episode I’m going to tell you some stories about gaslighting, so you can recognise it when you see it or experience it. What You Will Learn In This Episode: Why narcissists will never question themselves The examples of gaslighting How continuous gaslighting...

Today I’m talking about the family dynamics of narcissistic abuse, and the different roles that occur within a family. In particular, I want to talk about the scapegoat within the family when you have a narcissistic parent. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What is a scapegoat? Why narcissistic mothers are particularly harmful to a child The examples of scapegoating within a family How scapegoa...

It's not a coincidence that you end up in a relationship with a narcissist. There are always patterns to this type of behaviour. So where does it all start? That’s what we are looking at today. What You Will Learn In This Episode: How unhealed inner child wounds manifest in our adult life Why it is wrong to leave babies to cry and fall asleep by themselves How our brain actually keeps us safe by k...