No Crying In Baseball

Frank Robinson was a hero to your NCiB hosts, for Cleveland, for Baltimore, for Washington, and for Puerto Rico. RIP, Frank. MLB makes an excellent wording change . Pottymouth won’t let Patti pick a DH fight , yet. Maybe next week.  Pottymouth continues building a Curaçaoan-heavy boyfriend team with her pick of A’s shortstop Jurickson Profar .  Patti counters with Oakland’s breakout home run king...

Patti and the Pottymouth enjoy a civilized baseball conversation just hours before the football screaming begins. Nolan Arenado’s one year deal at the arbitration deadline sets a new record, and talks of a contract extension may save him from free agency drama. Our hometown Nationals get props for stellar execution of the offseason, no matter what Harper decides, while many teams just don’t seem t...

A.J. Pollock signs before those other guys. The Tampa Bay Rays tell their shrinking fan base that their cash is not welcome at Tropicana Field. The Red Sox kick their White House visit further down the road. “ Utility player ” doesn’t mean what it used to mean, in the new world order of the shift, no ground balls, and a big fat bullpen.  In a surprising turn of events, Pottymouth picks a nice guy,...

In her continuing quest to encourage the watching of winter baseball, Pottymouth teaches Patti Spanish baseball words. Adam Ottavino throws shade at Babe Ruth. Will Kyler Murray listen to Deion Sanders ? The hot stove has cooled so much we pay attention to a “ stupid loser ” spat. We forget one or two of the five tools, but Pottymouth’s Mariner’s boyfriend, Mitch Haniger , has six. Patti did not p...

Pottymouth’s Twittertale finally makes Patti stop defending Trevor Bauer . Yasmani Grandal puts a spark to the hot stove, and Kyler Murray brings back memories of Bo Jackson and Dieon Sanders. We both abandon our initial inclination to bend the rules for Shohei Ohtani and instead select Andrelton Simmons and Justin Upton as Angels boyfriends. Pottymouth gets to flaunt her Curaçao chops and Patti g...

Today’s vocabulary word is “cazatalentos” as MLB scouts visit the Cuba finals for the first time. Nearly 200 free agents are waiting for Harper and Machado to get on with it already so they can have a turn. Both our Twins boyfriends have been suspended for drug use, PED or otherwise. Kinda Pottymouth’s wheelhouse, but Patti? Come, on! Eddie Rosario wins Pottymouth over with hurricane relief and vi...

CC Sabathia gets that unearned bonus and almost has a heart attack . We were THIS CLOSE in our predictions. We can’t completely shake our Dominican infielder boyfriend rut, but we add the Dad factor. For the Rangers, Pottymouth selects Yankee-killer Ronald Guzman , and Patti goes with super nice dude Scott Heineman . Closer to home, Pottymouth gets Phillies catcher Jorge Alfaro for real this time,...

Patti and Pottymouth find a soulmate in Cami Kidder , director and producer of the upcoming documentary, “ Throw Like a Girl .” Any story that starts in Red Sox fantasy camp and moves on to 11-year-old girls taking on the baseball patriarchy is okay by us. Before the interview, Patti defends Wyoming, for the first time ever, and later fesses up that Wyoming native Brandon Nimmo , that Smile Guy, i...

Are the Diamondbacks and Mariners already tanking on purpose? Why else would Paul Goldschmidt get shipped off to St. Louis? The Nationals say thanks for Patrick Corbin, BTW. Jean Segura ’s trip to the Phillies nails the Seattle coffin shut. It’s too early for this nonsense. The word of the day is “waivers.” Pottymouth turns down Brandon Dixon for the second straight week, picking Christin Gaylin H...

Patti and the Pottymouth acknowledge the passing of former Yale Baseball Captain George Herbert Walker Bush , who earns major cred for keeping his college glove oiled and ready in a desk drawer in the Oval Office. The Mets make a monster trade for Robinson Cano , leading us to wonder about Brodie Van Wagenen’s reach. Jonathan Schoop, Billy Hamilton, and others get “ non-tendered ” which is one wei...

Big Sexy Bartolo Colon is pitching with the Eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really we’re just waiting for him to come back from the Dominican League. Adrian Beltre achieves Boyfriend Emeritus status and we still aren’t allowed to touch his head. Jose Bautista’s bat flip inspires an entomologist and today’s baseball science segment. Big Maple James Paxton is pitching with the eagles, which...

Pottymouth’s wrap-up of the MLB All-Stars series gives her the last opportunity of 2018 to say Zoom Zoom AND Ginger Beard in the same segment (you have to see John Brebbia’s face to believe it). Patti works Red Sox and Women’s Hockey into the same sentence as Sox VP Raquel Ferreira drops the ceremonial first puck at a Boston Pride game. Recently fired Seattle Mariners exec Lorena Martin and the te...

Patti and the Pottymouth give the rundown on how their boyfriends ranked in Gold Gloves , Silver Slugger (JD Martinez wins two! In one year! Stupid DH…), Wilson Defensive Player , Golden Globes, Oscars, Peoples Choice… Mookie Betts wins everything he can win. Freddy Freeman has a good showing too. Patti sets up your themes to watch for this Hot Stove season: Qualifying offers ( Mike Moustakas was...

Pottymouth cries actual tears of joy and admiration for her Red Sox and their rookie manager, Alex Cora . Patti curls up under the stress blanket. It’s the great baseball detox of 2018. Buehler. There’s a World Series Boyfriend recap, where we admit Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi , Kiké Hernandez, and Matt Kemp were not the heroes, but they still did us proud. And are still a little adorable (che...

Patti and the Pottymouth check in with a bonus show on the first World Series travel day. The Boston Ballet rates Andrew Benintendi’s Game 2 grand jeté a 9 out of 10, while Mookie Betts gives new meaning to Taco Tuesday. Patti’s Dodger BF Matt Kemp hits his team’s only WS home run so far, and Pottymouth really almost wants to see Kike Hernandez do well. Ish. The Red Sox are killing it with two str...

Patti and the Pottymouth play the mom card over Jose Altuve’s “bravery” in playing while seriously hurt, falling for Chris Sale’s belly button ring diagnosis, and wanting to keep that nice Cody Bellinger away from bad influences disguised as the cool kids in the Dodger dugout. Fingers crossed that our Dodger boyfriends Matt Kemp and Kiké Hernandez get some playing time in the Series. We are all in...

Patti and the Pottymouth bring the strategery this week. Patti explains how lefty/righty matchups and situational pitching are key to the Brewers strategy against the Dodgers. Pottymouth explains Chris Sale’s no-sleeve strategy and how that may play out in the Red Sox/Astros series. We catch you up on our postseason boyfriends including the movement to Let Kiké Hernandez Catch , and how Mike Moust...

Patti and the Pottymouth run the remaining postseason contenders through the boyfriend filter, judging the pros and cons of each team, the quality of their postseason motto, and wagers of note , to help you decide who to root for if you don’t have a dog in the fight. Pottymouth takes a look at some player demographics (100% of Arubans in major league baseball are in the playoffs). Patti addresses...

El Jefe ditches Patti and Pottymouth on his birthday but somehow they manage to press the right buttons. Jay Sharman of La Vida Baseball stops by for a chat. We send our best wishes to Met’s captain David Wright , and identify his daughter Olivia Shea as a future all-star. Pottymouth’s BF Miguel Andújar ties that dreamy DiMaggio for most doubles by a Yankees rookie. Patti runs down the contenders...

Patti and the Pottymouth sit in the greatest ballpark seats of their lives and see the historic (Max Scherzer breaking his all-time season strikeout record) and the hilarious (Baltimore’s DJ Stewart scoring a run off his first major league hit, which was a single). Pottymouth’s Piña BFs Yuli and Lourdes Gurriel have a smackdown of sorts. Patti thanks Christian Yelich for allowing her to legitimate...

Patti can’t stop saying “clinch,” and Pottymouth can’t stop saying “Red Sox.” Mookie Betts, Jose Ramirez, and Francisco Lindor all make history with their bats and their speed. Carlos Asuaje and Wil Myers get twitchy. Patti has one nice thing to say about the Braves , and Alex Cora has fewer nice things to say about President Trump. Innings pitched may be the key to the AL Cy Young Award . Pottymo...

Pottymouth proposes a school district-like snow day contingency plan for MLB rainouts. She nominates Yadier Molina, and Patti picks Cookie Carrasco, as their Roberto Clemente Award favorites. Patti’s shortstop boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Trevor Story are making history. Pottymouth questions MLB policy that allows Roberto Osuna , but not Robinson Cano, to play in the postseason. Jacob DeGrom, M...

There is great rejoicing when Pottymouth utters the magic words, “Ohtani Watch.” Less so when she calls Patti out for telling everyone not to panic about trades last week. Andrew McCutchen shaved and became a Yankee! Josh Donaldson is a Fightin’ Francona! Gio Gonzalez is a Brewer . Sigh. This week’s vocabulary words, “expanded roster,” lead to a strategy discussion about interchangeable player pos...

Patti and the Pottymouth share the joy of Player’s Weekend, from Mike “Moose” Moustakas homering off of Joe “Moose” Musgrove, to the ultra style-y cleats of Adam Jones, CC Sabathia , and Francisco Lindor. Ronald Acuna, Jr . takes a chunk out of Marlin’s park, and a suitcase takes a whack at Aaron Sanchez’s dignity. It’s not Moneyball this time around, but the Oakland A’s are on a tear. Today’s voc...

While Regulation Pottymouth is away, Other Pottymouth pinch hits with tales of the Nationals new bullpen cart , which they don’t deserve, a little love for Derek Jeter’s Marlins requiring Spanish lessons for the English speakers on the team, and the joy of SS Scott Kingery pitching so slowly the velocity doesn’t even register. Patti rants about Jose Urena’s fastball assault of Ronald Acuna and bas...