No Crying In Baseball

Patti and the Pottymouth finally attend a Copa de la Diversión game with the Cangrejos Fantasmas. Once more, in English: we went to a Bowie Baysox game on a “Fun Cup” day, celebrating Hispanic culture, where the Baysox played as their alter-ego, the Ghost Crabs of the Chesapeake. And was Patti ever surprised to find that one of the Ghost Crabs was her Orioles boyfriend, Cedric Mullins , who was bu...

Much to Pottymouth’s delight, Patti finally embraces “Baby Shark.”   Not as a song, of course, but as a builder of fan unity. This leads to a whole slew of rules, suggestions, and musings about fan participation (the Stretch is compulsory, but leave your Chop at home).   Patti’s Cleveland BF Jose Ramirez is on a tear, making that early-season pick of league MVP not so ridiculous. Pottymouth’s Os B...

Patti and the Pottymouth celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Moon landing by sharing the story of Hall of Fame pitcher  Gaylord Perry and one of the greatest coincidences in baseball history. You just can’t make this stuff up. Patti tries to add the story to her collection of anti-DH evidence , but timing is on Pottymouth’s side as the 2019 Hall of Fame induction ceremony , which happened moment...

The Pulaski Yankees, that is. Patti and the Pottymouth road-tripped again, this time to Pulaski, VA (as Patti says, go to Roanoke and then keep going). After her interview in Episode 77, “Puig Fuels the Fracas ,” GM Betsy Haugh invited your hosts to enjoy Ag Night at Calfee Field . She promised cows, and cows there were.  Betsy was gracious enough to chat with us again after our day at the Best Ro...

Patti and the Pottymouth fangirled in Cleveland over the All-Star Break. Patti cried meeting Omar Vizquel (“I love Omar”) and Pottymouth stammered during the No Crying in Baseball / Mike Napoli sandwich photo. Mike “Human Rain Delay” Hargrove demonstrated his moves. Your hosts danced at a Killers’ show and provided structural support to their fan base.  Evidence of this and more on all of our soci...

Patti and The Pottymouth are packing their bags for All-Star Weekend in Cleveland, the land of Patti’s birth. There’s a happy dance for Anthony Rendon finally making the team and a check-in on who we are looking forward to seeing in the Big Game. The Cleveland Team and MLB are investing long-term in the community — it pays to host the All-Star Game. But before we leave, there’s a grooming segment....

Breaking up is hard to do. Cleveland broke up with Leonys Martin , and so must Pottymouth. Patti and the Nationals say goodbye to Trevor Rosenthal , he of the formerly infinite ERA.   The Chicago White Sox and the Washington Nationals are the first to take the next step in extending protective netting. In the same week that another fan seated just beyond the dugout netting in Dodger Stadium was hi...

When did stealing home get to be a thing? Current boyfriend Leonys Martin just did it, and so did former boyfriend Elvis Andrus, and even never-gonna-be-a-boyfriend Rougned Odor. We can’t get enough of that. Patti can totally get enough of home runs, however. The pace is scary, and too much of a good thing is boring . The ball is juiced and she can prove it with just one statistic . Baseball scien...

The Nationals do Pride right , but Patti may still write a letter about rainbow jerseys. Big Papi, David Ortiz , heads to Boston for medical care after the shooting in Santa Domingo. Elvis Andrus gets in one more head rub, and a bathrobe, as the Rangers retire Adrian Beltre’s number . The long strange trip of this year’s Free Agency season has finally come to an end. It only took until the Draft....

Is it drafty in here? Pottymouth 1) overviews the MLB draft process in which >1200 high school and college boys get a shot at their dreams , 2) plays the tiny violins for the Orioles yet again, and 3) explains why this is the week Dallas Keuchel and Craig Kimbrel will finally get signed. Patti goes on a rant just this side of PG-13 about protective netting. Yet another child was sent to the hos...

Former President Barack Obama hits a first-pitch double, completes a touchdown pass, buys organic produce and recognizes greatness in the children attending after-school programs at the Nationals Baseball Academy. Damn, he sets the Baseball Boyfriend bar high.  Christian Yelich cross-trains hard, attending a Milwaukee Bucks game with some Green Bay Packers and chugging arena beer like a native son...

Today’s baseball math includes Victor Robles + Matt Grace = Patti, and Patti + Matt Grace = Gerardo Parra . Yes, it is a birthday / no GoT spoilers show. Matt Olson proves the hamate is the appendix of the hand. Leonys Martin says thank you and Ian Kinsler says F-you, much to Pottymouth’s delight. SI typecasts Patti, with Jason Heyward on her fantasy team. Your hosts propose expanding “hit for the...

Where was Michael Brantley when Patti had a flat tire? Turns out he was rescuing other strangers in distress closer to Minute Maid Park, as boyfriends do. Pottymouth’s old Dodger BF Kiké Hernandez works some magic for her new BF Justin Turner . Addison Frickin’ Russell is back. The Panda = Mudcat+Bees. Albert Pujols historic RBI mark set off a new set of NCIB Rules, this time on catching baseballs...

Patti and the Pottymouth welcome Jenn Rubenstein of @QueerFancyStats to talk using gmLI , wOBA, and spreadsheets in the service of good. Through Jenn, the mad baseball skills of MLB homophobes generate donations to local LGBTQ organizations, as do successes of exemplary community leaders like National’s closer Sean Doolittle . This week’s cross-training segment looks at gender, and gender equity,...

Two #1 prospects got the call this past weekend and Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. and Carter Kieboom did NOT disappoint. The Youthquake hit Nats Park as Juan Soto and Victor Robles joined Kieboom in homering in the same game, making history . Patti and the Pottymouth check in on their predictions a month in, and learn they are Not Good At This and perhaps should have thought about Cody Bellinger some mor...

Patti and The Pottymouth set up the context around the Tim Anderson fracas /ruckus/bruhaha. Can’t ignore that he’s the only African-American player on the White Sox. Shockingly, we come out on the side of Kids Today , and agreeing with Trevor Bauer . We welcome very special guest Emily Jaenson , General Manager of the Reno Aces, who tells us what it takes to run a Triple A affiliate. By the end of...

Trevor Rosenthal records three outs and Chris Davis has a three hit game, and all the best memes are over. It turns out that Ozzie Albies ’ team-friendly extension is not just about his choices, but the ripple effect changes how other players are valued . Patti and Pottymouth have a friendly homerun smackdown over their picks for National League RoY, Pete Alonzo and Fernado Tatis, Jr , respectivel...

Patti comes This Close to swearing like a sailor when Trump calls off MLB’s agreement with Cuba. Boyfriend Ronald Acuña, Jr. signs a deal for life-changing money, Christian Yelich becomes a spokesmodel for good in the world, and David Price wants to see Mookie Betts’ face everywhere. This week’s baseball math takes us to infinity and beyond with Trevor Rosenthal’ s impossible ERA. Yasiel Puig clea...

Pottymouth has the power to break up no-hitters while eating pizza, but Patti can’t get out of walk-up music hell. Christian Yelich just keeps hitting home runs, Yandy Diaz doesn’t need no stinkin’ launch angle, and catcher Russell Martin pitches a 1-2-3 inning for the Dodgers. Did Patti put him in the wrong category in the Fantasy Boyfriend League? Your hosts offer their playoff and award predict...

Patti cross-trains for Opening Day by rocking her March Madness bracket. Pottymouth warms up with early morning baseball in Japan (thanks for everything, Ichiro). Fernando Tatis Jr is Johnny Hustle, but he doesn’t make the Opening Day roster. Matt Olsen was set to be Patti’s starting 1B, until he had hamate surgery. Yes, that’s a real thing. We’re all about fun facts and contract extensions this w...

Pottymouth is in Ted Williams heaven and Patti wallows at the top of the Misery Index as we kick off the St. Patti’s Day show. The Blue Jays make some excellent promises around minor league pay . Astros manager AJ Hinch wins the dubious honor of the first premature ejection of the (pre)season, Bryce Harper makes news by falling down and getting back up, and both Adam Jones and Carlos Gonzalez land...

Daylight Savings Time and breakfast beer render us incapable of avoiding Alex Rodriquez’s engagement to Jennifer Lopez. We send our best to Tom Seaver of the Miracle Mets. Omnivore Patti explains to vegetarian Pottymouth why it is totally reasonable for Joe Kelly to suffer back problems after staffing a five-hour crawfish boil. We raise our breakfast beer to our girl, Jessica Mendoza , on her new...

We get past the feels to discuss the bigger picture of Bryce Harper’s record-setting agreement with the Phillies. Nolan Arenado also breaks contract records this week with his 8-year extension with the Rockies. What do these deals mean for other superstars? Ronald Guzman adopts a condor and starts a trend. Pottymouth uses her “keep one boyfriend” card on Mookie “Pookie” Betts, and Patti owes her a...

Patti and the Pottymouth bask in the glow of watching our boys in the first spring training games. The dying embers of the hot stove bring us a Machado Free Agency object lesson, and a soft landing for Mike Moustakas . Predictably, Patti chooses Dr. Smooth, Michael Brantley , as her Astros boyfriend, while Pottymouth goes for young superstar Carlos Correa , of the World Series marriage proposal. P...

In just one episode, Pottymouth apologizes to Carlos Asuaje, C.C. Sabathia , and Francisco Cervelli, and says “ interpretive dance” and “papiamentu” while Patti condones inspirational quotes and uses “Cutie Pie” in a sports context. Hell has indeed frozen over. Max Scherzer , Jake Arietta, and Christian Yelich call foul on the free agency season. Yankee Boyfriends are not an easy sell to NCiB, so...