Nightly News Roundup

Tonight: Israel lights the peace process on fire like a drunk pyromaniac at a marriage counseling session. Iran lets the U.N. in to count corpses in the fallout. Very cooperative, very transparent. Gregory “Pancho Villa in a Golf Cart” Bovino goose-steps into Chicago with a soundtrack Willie Nelson never approved. ICE tears up the paperwork, decides civil rights are for losers. Trump’s tariffs cho...

SCOTUS kidnaps you for Spanish coffee, Trump owes $83M, GOP spins Epstein faster than a carnival ride, CMS uses robot bounty hunters, assassin wants trial by mini-golf, NFL heartbreak continues, and Trump gets booed at the U.S. Open. Theo Jesterfield here, pouring chaos, money, and American absurdity straight into your ears. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The CDCaeser Bobby Kennedy Jr. gets his ass kicked , the Epstein cover-up continues, Adams trading NYC Mayor’s office for swamp condos, the economy is flatlining, Texas turns doorbells into war crimes, Big Pharma is dosing LSD, and NFL kicks off while democracy circles the drain. Theo Jesterfield here, pouring you another shot of America’s finest chaos - money, power, and total lunacy. Hosted on A...

Epstein victims demand names, Trump hoax patrols, FBI hides files. RFK Jr. crowned, HHS revolts. Newsmax sues Fox, drunk raccoons. Pentagon lawyers crash-course immigration law. Harvard body-slams Trump. 1798 law fails modern migrants. DeSantis makes vaccines optional, herd immunity optional. Clippers dodge salary cap. Fantasy football consumes offices, homes, marriages. Theo Jesterfield here, spi...

Trump tries to Uber Marines into L.A., gets smacked by Posse Comitatus. National Guard tour hits Chicago and Baltimore. DOE hires fossil fuel stooges to claim CO₂ is kale. CDC bleeds leaders, Monarez out, RFK Jr. “restructures.” Government heads for Sept. 30 shutdown, Epstein files rot. Rudy wins Medal of Freedom. Proud Boys sue each other. Space Command lands in Alabama. Theo Jesterfield here, fr...

Minnesota mourns kids shot in the pews while politicians wave flags. DOJ fails to make a felony out of a footlong. Immigration becomes Deportation 2: The Uganda Cut. Trump’s cronies whisper coups in Greenland. NORAD scrambles jets to babysit Russian cloud-watchers. RFK Jr. limits Covid shots to senior citizens. And the CDC fires its new director after 30 days. Theo Jesterfield here, reporting from...

The government dumps your Social Security numbers online. Trump’s DOJ tries suing judges for judging. Israel bombs a hospital, calls it a camera strike. Florida’s swamp prison keeps running despite court orders. Texas gerrymanders Black voters out of the map. Trump waterboards the Federal Reserve. And Kash Patel turns the FBI into QAnon Theater. Theo Jesterfield here, filing dispatches from the th...

Israel calls a hospital strike a “mishap.” Trump sends the National Guard to play mall cops in D.C. First U.S. screwworm case proves maggots are more straightforward than our politicians. Trump flirts with Kim while South Korea watches in hostage silence. Epstein’s ghost gets subpoenaed. Cashless bail dies, flag-burning goes federal. Trump says “dictator” out loud. Wind farms scrapped to save his...

Bolton raided like spoiled leftovers. Trump day-trading America’s future with a $100M bond hustle. PragerU bribes its way into kids’ classrooms, Big Bird gets whacked. Smithsonian purged for “woke” facts. Fort Bliss resurrects internment camp chic. Del Monte, LifeScan, and Genesis file for hospice. America’s economy is a funeral procession, but Wall Street’s still dancing. Theo Jesterfield reporti...

Trump’s fraud gets a markdown: skyscrapers are cheaper than cough syrup. NIH loses 1,700 grants because DEI means “Don’t Employ Ideas.” Jersey’s top cop? Just a mall lawyer in heels. ICE threatens Boston, Wu says “fuck off.” FBI becomes UberCop Academy. Russia bombs coffee machines and kids. Cracker Barrel ghosts its racist mascot, Wall Street cries. Until next time, I’ll be huffing glue fumes for...

Epstein’s DOJ crumbs, 100,000 pages still sealed. Tulsi Gabbard turns intelligence into Microsoft Word for espionage. Israel rolls out “Gideon’s Chariots II” — Gaza as straight-to-DVD war. Texas gerrymanders democracy into a hostage trunk. Hurricane Erin toys with Cat 5 power. U.S. destroyers play narco-Shakespeare off Venezuela. Texas judge says no to Moses in homeroom. Until next time, I’ll be c...

Ukraine peace talks look like a peyote séance in a burning casino — Trump babbles, Putin grins, Zelensky spends billions, Europe mutters peacekeepers, America offers air cover but no boots. Trump wants a halo at Costco. Colleges pay tribute to the Orange Godfather. Epstein files redacted. Security clearances yanked. Deportation policy becomes a global hot potato. Until next time, I’ll be doubling...

Zelensky shows up at the White House in a suit, Europe in tow, Trump grinning like a kid eyeing a Happy Meal Nobel. Hours earlier, 14 civilians dead in Ukraine—rockets meet roses, rubble meets reality. Wages still drowning, CEOs toast from yachts. Newsmax pays $67M for lies, Epstein’s death still under Barr’s CSI spotlight, and Hurricane Erin redecorates Puerto Rico. Republicans flee, files in tow...

The Vice President Vladimir Futon tried to book a table at a cozy Michelin-rated English pub — staff basically said, “Sure, if you want us to not show up for work.” Locals put up “Fascists Not Welcome” signs, making it clear he’s about as popular there as French soccer. Kamala? No problem. Vance? Road closures and rage. That’s all the news that’s fit to confuse. Another day in the American madhous...

Trump’s got Scrooge McDuck money privileges, Putin got a ceasefire threat that might just be a meme, and the Treasury Secretary’s still clinging to his stocks like a bad Tinder match. Congress is cosplaying as the Epstein Truth Squad, the VA is bleeding staff, Kristi Noem is beefing with South Park , Ivanka’s booking UFC on the White House lawn, and Detroit seniors are solving love triangles with...

Tonight: Russia’s hacking America’s sealed court files while Trump preps for a Putin cuddle; Trump’s new BLS pick wants to kill the monthly jobs report; Florida’s schools turned into DeSantis’ propaganda playground; and Trump’s State Department wipes two-thirds of human rights abuses from its reports. Plus, ICE agents in masks are making it easier for rapists to impersonate them. I’m Theo Jesterfi...

Trump’s turning D.C. into The Purge despite a 30-year crime low, dumping troops, and handing Pam Bondi the keys to chaos. Meanwhile, FBI brags murder rates are historic lows. Florida’s “pet food” milk sickens kids. An anti-vax shooter hits the CDC. EPA guts climate rules. SCOTUS flirts with undoing gay marriage. Epstein files? Big nothing burger. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the 10th Circle of...

Trump ghosted labor unions at the VA while RFK Jr. lit pandemic funding on fire because his third eye said “no thanks.” Utah legalized “oops-my-nephew’s-a-predator” justice, and Trump thinks world peace means locking Zelensky and Putin in a room like it’s the WWE. An Army base imploded, Trump threw a trade tantrum at India, and Florida’s building immigrant jails in the middle of the Everglades lik...

Congress is jerking off to the Epstein files, New York just got defunded on terror protection, and California’s drawing maps with the subtlety of a prison riot. The FDA says “good luck not dying” while outsourcing food safety to states running on bake sale budgets. Trump’s resurrecting racist statues and calling it beautification, wildfires are roasting the continent like a cheap brisket, and a Ne...

Russia’s waving nukes around again, Trump wants $15K per tourist, and Sean Duffy is strapping a nuclear reactor to the moon. Texas Republicans are hunting Democrats across state lines like cartoon bounty hunters. Pam Bondi's resurrecting the Mueller probe with all the precision of a chainsaw in a dollhouse. Trump’s tax cuts just lit the deficit on fire, a dildo flew across a WNBA court, and Bristo...

The Smithsonian scrubbed Trump from its impeachment exhibit. The Trump Administration opens up your private medical records like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Trump also fired the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics because reality bruised his ego. He also deployed two nuclear submarines over a Russian tweet, public broadcasting is gutted, NPR gets silenced, and Big Bird gets executed by budget cu...

Trade war threats, taxpayer-funded ballrooms, and CEOs dropping like flies — just another week in America’s flaming clown car. Trump’s wrecking ethics with a golf club, Musk’s lighting democracy on fire with Super PAC cash, and Brett Kavanaugh’s turning the Supreme Court into a secret menu for fascism. Meanwhile, Kyiv burns, ICE offers loan forgiveness to deport families, and the media memory-hole...

Russia shakes, the Fed freezes, and Texas slices up democracy like brisket. Gaza’s starving and Trump’s sending a condo guy. Plus: a human Molotov cocktail in Virginia, a baby savings account scam, and Ozzy gets a hearse parade while Hulk Hogan gets ghosted. Strap in. Reality’s on fire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The EPA’s being gutted at a truck dealership, Marjorie Taylor Greene said something true , Trump is Yelp-reviewing sex trafficking victims, and a gunman turned the NFL’s HQ into a warzone. Plus: biblical porn, cocaine math, and why CBS now answers to Newsmax. Welcome to America’s moral collapse, broadcast live, with theme music. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A federal judge torpedoes Trump’s attempt to defund Planned Parenthood, Trump threatens Putin with peace and tariffs in the same breath, the Pentagon slips into full-on group chat meltdown as Pete Hegseth’s D-list paranoia infects national security. Ghislaine Maxwell begs the Supreme Court for mercy with nothing but vibes, audacity, and Epstein’s greasy afterimage. RFK Jr. calls cancer screenings...