Night Classy

Hayley tells us about a man with a plan: Carl Tanzler. From childhood, Carl received visions of his future spouse and spent his adult life searching for her. But when he finally met the object of his obsession, she was dying of TB (Tuberculosis, not tight butthole) and her time on earth with him was short… But Carl could live with a little corpse stink. Then, if Kat had to read something horrible,...

This week Hayley teaches us about The Pollock Twins! They're the direct result of reincarnation and their parents not being able to keep their hands off each other, despite almost getting a divorce. We are convinced souls are recycled and these young ladies are pretty convincing. Next, Kat takes us to a scary place full of HOAs. Having a $1.3 mansion doesn't sound too bad until there's someone who...

It's an animated ribbon! It's a quoof! It's ectoplasm! All are true for Kat's lesson on the mysterious, gelatinous substance coming out of all orifices remotely related to ghosts. Some call it egg whites and urine, others call it "soul substance" but at the end of the day you could probably just make ectoplasm at home tbh. Next, Hayley talks a lot about kale and its girth. Halloween was the OG rom...

Happy Oktoberfest b*tches and welcome to our *loosely* themed episode! Hayley delights us with the tale of  Peter, a feral child plucked from Germany's Black forest and raised by royalty. Peter was a wild boy, not a proper boy- and it showed. Next, Kat hits Oktoberfest on the nose with a lesson on beer. Beer making started as many as 10,000 years ago, and was a vital part of society. So much so, t...

If Johnny Appleseed has come up in your life a lot recently, you're not alone. And if you're a big fan of sacks, you're also not alone! For being raised by a tree, Johnny Appleseed has left quite a legacy as the creepy old man giving away sections of books. Oh, and planting trees! Next, we rejuvenate with a lesson on Drunk Tank Pink and get toxic with Paris Green. Even the guy who researched the c...

Lord Timothy Dexter was not a lord, but he was the Informer of Deer, a collector of giant statues, and the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher of the western world. In other words, he was a moron- possibly the biggest in history. Next, we learn about Catfish of the sports world Leeroy Jenkins. Sadly for him, his "high school" football team does not consist of Rus...

Death is a part of life and, coincidentally, this week's episode! Hayley teaches us about the Capuchin Catacombs of Palermo which attracts hoards of tourists thanks to its 8,000+ mummified corpses. The most famous of them being 2 year-old, Rosalia Lombardo, the blinking mummy. And we have the MRI scan to prove she's real! As real as Kim K's you-know-what. Next, Kat answers all of our burning quest...

This week in the CIA think tank- AKA Night Classy, Kat lures us to a hotel room to look at crystals and talk about murder. Charles Sobhraj evaded the police countless times during his "Hippie Trail" murder spree, but ultimately it was mineral water that took him down. Next, Hayley dips her feet in the food industry and revisits an age old debate: Coke or Brad's Drink?  Support the brands that supp...

Bama Rush TikTok has taken over the internet but not a single video mentions the secret not-so-secret society operating behind the scenes of University of Alabama's Greek life. Hayley clues us into all things "The Machine," except for why it tries so hard to control the Student Government Association… and what the student government is… and what it does... but you know it's bad when Bill Cosby sho...

We are feeling lucky! Kat covers the concept of luck along with some charms, rituals, and superstitions. Remember, never eat a plain egg puck, lest you be cursed with 100 years of infidelity. Next, Hayley teaches a lesson on Ty Warner, the creator of Beanie Babies. We all owe a big thank you to Hayley and her midwestern brethren for making Beanie Babies happen, and our past selves a kick in the pa...

This week, we realize the best way of practicing humility is to use your collection of ancient artifacts as tiles on your bathroom floor. Or if you own Hobby Lobby, you can just craft that shit up yourself. But that makes too much sense and involves too little scandal! Next, Kat adds injury to death. If you must die, die in The Alnwick Poison Garden where all your goth dreams will come true. In th...

This week, we're drinking a tantalizing mixture of brandy, egg whites and rat poison- sponsored by The Olympics! Just kidding, but also not kidding, because the 1904 Olympics was exactly that wild. Think- a poodle-clipping competition won by Avril Lafoule wild. Next, Hayley explains why depressed millennials are obsessed with their pets and what happens when they go too far. And we experience a hi...

Fact: family annihilators all have golden retrievers and live in cookie-cutter neighborhoods. But that would never happen in a Disney-created town, right? RIGHT?! Listen to Hayley's lesson on the creepy happenings in the town of Celebration, Florida and maybe you'll end up hating Mickey Mouse too. Or if you'd rather keep the magic alive, you can skip right to Kat's lesson. It's ~out of this world~...

Kat's a true crime bitch this week and covers Gary Ridgeway, The Green River Killer. Much like Gary, we don't like necrophilia, but unlike him, we don't do it. Then, oh good, more trauma! Hayley introduces us to a group of people even more outlandish than flat earthers: hollow earthers! Here, we learn that the earth is not filled with "ligwah macquid," but rather grape flavored thrifty vegetables....

Kat simultaneously teaches the history of beauty pageants and makes the distinction that Greek mythology is NOT history. You don't have to be an undercover cop to participate in beauty pageants but you must use a critical lens when reviewing the misogynistic and racist past of these programs. If traditional pageantry doesn't tickle your fancy, look out for Night Classy's very own witch-themed page...

Hayley schools us on sex in Ancient Egypt… Good news: if you were single, you had nothing to lose! (Not even your virginity.) We've concluded that God IS a woman and she IS a milky-breasted vampire. Have you used "consex" clues to decipher the topic this week? If not, Kat can help further with her lesson on animal mating rituals. Turns out, there are some problematic practices in the animal kingdo...

Kat teaches a lesson on last meals, or "special meals," of death row inmates. Learn about the history and psychology behind the practice of last meals, and remember to order the "last meal special" next time you're at Starbucks! Next, we hit the motherlode motherlode motherlode motherlode when Hayley covers the practice of hacking. We promise this lesson is at least 10 times more interesting than...

Holly covers the case of a Florida man on a power trip. The Pasco County sheriff's office has been surveilling and harassing its residents on the basis of arbitrary scores that "predict" how likely they are to commit a future crime. IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. Next, Claudia teaches a lesson on the case that has been called "the second Dyatlov Pass Incident." Is it a creepy pasta? Is this Blue A...

Hayley delivers a history lesson this week on 15th century mercenary, Gotz Von Berlichingen. Berlichen enjoyed fighting people, fighting cities, fighting countries, fighting Chipotle, ruling with an iron fist, and most of all, having his ass kissed. Next, Kat teaches a lesson on the catalyst of the modern day LGBTQIA+ rights movement and the reason we have pride parades: Stonewall. Happy pride eve...

We did it! It's the episode no one asked for. Kat teaches a lesson on the dogfighting ring of the video game world- Pokemon. Next, Hayley talks about One Direction, the "infamous" 2010s boyband. Now you hipsters can be experts on the two things you avoided because they were too ~mainstream~ Support the brands who support us!  For 20% off your order of Seventh Hill CBD visit seventhhillcbd.com and...

Hayley teaches a lesson on hipsters and proves they all look the same.. And they're living in SALT LAKE CITY?! It also turns out that modern hipsters were not the first to the game- they owe it all to the hepcats. Then, Kat presents the history of swear words and the research behind why we fucking love swearing. Stop trying to make "ficken" happen. It's NOT going to happen! Support the brands who...

This week, we prove that #yesallmen. Hayley tells the story of American Apparel and its predator of a CEO Dov Charney. Dov really showed that all good things can and will be ruined by a creepy ass man. This is why we can't have nice T-shirts. Then, Kat teaches a lesson on Marvin Heemeyer and his "killdozer." Marvin felt wronged by zoning laws so he decided to take things into his own hands.. And t...

Dmitri Belyaev dreamed of witnessing the process of domestication within his lifetime. Kat tells the story of how he made that happen with silver foxes, in spite of Soviet-era hostility toward the study of genetics. Thanks Stalin! Then, Hayley teaches the history of coffee and we learn the devil is good, food can be baptized, and coffee brings all the monks to the yard. Donate to us on Patreon to...

Hayley teaches a lesson on bounty hunters which of course includes the queen bee bounty hunter, Dog. We don't want to give Dog too much attention, as bounty hunting in other countries is just called kidnapping, but we do love his hair. Next, Kat lectures on one of the 80's most iconic hacking incidents: the Max Headroom case. It may have been an inside job- which by the way Hayley loves, but only...

Hayley covers a chilling cold case and once again proves that internet sleuths are more useful than police. Then, we take a not-at-all brief intermission to have our first fight. Friendships were destroyed, relationships shattered, all over years-old spoilers. Hayley and Alec literally don't know how Harry Potter ended. Someone take their millennial cards. After that abomination, Kat graciously de...