My Humanity Is Showing

I live under the illusion of control. I have often believed that any success I have experienced in my life is the direct result of how hard I have tried to control the outcomes. In recent years, I have come to believe that the more I can let go (insert Disney song here), the better things tend to turn out. Trigger warning: depression, suicide

Lately I have been struggling with what seems to be increasing memory issues: forgetting names, what I was doing, making mistakes, etc… This tempts me to shame myself and want to indulge self-loathing. I refuse to believe that I am a bad person because I have a very human memory. As with previous episodes, I do not plan or script the content. Instead, I ask for the share and allow it to flow throu...

When I was in college, I had a pretty dark view of life. I often quoted Hamlet   (Shakespeare’s play about a suicidal Danish prince) and wished for death. One of the most common phrases I frequently said was: "life sucks, and then you die!" In those days, I chose to feed the darkness inside myself by constantly reinforcing the negative perspective. Today, I choose to focus on the positiv...

Part of being human means that in certain situations I have no control over my body (and mind). Then why do I try so hard to hide my humanity? Does pretending to be an android somehow make me more likable? What am I so afraid will happen if someone finds out I’m human? Why am I quick to judge others when their humanity shows? I had chosen a different topic for today, and then something happened a...

Since I can remember, I have had trouble focusing. My brain is often completely scattered, and thoughts seem to pop around in my head like little fleas. This inability to focus has caused great pain to those closest to me. In this episode, I reflect on some of those experiences and am grateful for a relatively healthier response to a recent incident. In the first half of this episode, I share a co...

Why is it so hard for me to maintain eye contact? Am I afraid of intimacy (into me, you see)? I can’t even seem to maintain eye contact with myself.  In this week’s episode, I reflect on the topic of eye contact and moving past feelings of inadequacy and shame. Despite my fear of rejection, I invite you to look me in the eye. PS - after recording this episode I learned that there’s a song titled “...

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear me! Happy 50th birthday to me! A tremendous amount of fear has been bypassed. Despite all the voices of shame and self-doubt, I am publishing this episode. Welcome to the very first episode of my podcast. In this episode, I share my experience with a very embarrassing recent situation at the store and more importantly my hope for thi...