Morning Announcements

Today's Headlines: Mitch McConnell is still missing with zero health updates, Elaine Chao's spokesperson says she left for China two days before he was hospitalized and has since returned. Mitch’s absence is now actively complicating Senate business since he sits on the Appropriations Committee that needs to pass a government funding bill by September 30th — so the republicans need him conscious a...

Today's Headlines: Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear had to write his own senator a letter asking if he's alive, after Trump blew up the cover story that multiple Republican senators had "just spoken to McConnell" by telling reporters on Air Force One that he has "no idea" what condition Mitch is in. The clock is ticking to August 4th, when Kentucky's Democratic governor loses the ability to appoint...

Today's Headlines: Graham Platner still hasn't dropped out of the Maine Senate race despite Bernie withdrawing his endorsement and a second sexual assault allegation — this time from an ex-girlfriend who says he removed condoms during sex without her consent, which is classified as sexual assault in several countries — and his campaign's response was to call it politically motivated and bring up B...

Today's Headlines: The US lost to Belgium 4-1 in the World Cup Round of 16 despite Trump personally calling FIFA to get Balogun's red card suspension reversed, which worked, and Belgium won anyway — so the meddling was both successful and pointless. On the election beat, Graham Platner, who won Maine's Democratic Senate primary a few weeks ago despite a Nazi tattoo is now facing a heavily corrobor...

Today's Headlines: Trump's July 4th celebrations were a disaster on every front — his Mount Rushmore speech was cancelled by a hailstorm, the National Mall events were evacuated due to severe wind and rain with guests sheltering in the African American History Museum, and his record-breaking fireworks show was obscured by its own smoke, leaving DC with the worst air quality in the world by 7am. Ma...

Today's Headlines: Mitch McConnell has apparently been on death's door for three weeks and nobody thought to mention it — Punchbowl News reported yesterday that he was found unconscious after likely suffering a heart attack, with EMS dispatch audio referencing CPR in progress for a cardiac arrest, while his office has been telling us he's "working closely with staff," which is one way to describe...

Today's Headlines: The Supreme Court ended its term with three rulings: birthright citizenship was technically upheld 6-3, but the fine print is alarming — the actual split on birthright citizenship itself was 5-4, Kavanaugh wrote a wink-wink concurrence suggesting Congress could legislate it away, and Thomas wrote a 91-page dissent about an explicit constitutional sentence, so Trump immediately a...

Today's Headlines: Clarence Thomas showed up to Congress yesterday and was all sus about why, though Politico reported Republicans say he was there for the special members-only doctor's office. The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that mail ballots postmarked by election day can be counted even if they arrive up to five days later — not what Trump wanted, who went off on the justices despite his own voters...

Today's Headlines: Trump's America 250 Great American State Fair opened on the National Mall in the rain, the power went out, the ferris wheel didn't work, there was no fair food, at least 10 states declined to send delegations, and Trump called it "packed to the brim" — the North Carolina booth displayed a Confederate flag overlay on a video loop before sponsors pulled out, which is on brand for...

Today's Headlines: Meta tried to silence former employee Sarah Wynn-Williams from promoting her tell-all Careless People for over a year through an arbitration agreement, she's now suing in federal court, and the book sold 130,000 copies anyway. On the Epstein files, Leon Black is testifying to Congress today about his $170 million payment to Epstein and his alleged use of Epstein as a hush money...

Today's Headlines: In a rare occurrence, we’re starting with good news. The FDA approved a new drug called Trodelvy that reduces aggressive triple-negative breast cancer progression by 40% compared to chemo — affecting 48,000 Americans a year — science is awesome. Zohran Mamdani swept Tuesday's New York primaries, no he wasn’t on the ballot but all three of his DSA-endorsed challengers defeated in...

Today's Headlines: Anti-ICE protesters in Texas were sentenced to between 50 and 100 years in prison after a judge stacked consecutive sentences for each count — normally they'd run concurrently — in what was explicitly viewed as a test case for how courts will handle dissent against the Trump administration, and separately the DOJ indicted 15 Minnesota protesters for "violently opposing federal l...

Today's Headlines: Mitch McConnell has been hospitalized for over a week with his office offering nothing beyond "he's still working closely with staff." Meanwhile, JD Vance called the Iran talks a "classic Trump deal" while the administration temporarily lifted oil sanctions letting Iran sell oil in US dollars for the first time since 2018 — when Trump blew up the original deal — with Iran saying...

Today's Headlines: Oh boy, what a weekend! Trump deployed the National Guard to the reflecting pool, where they arrested a 67-year-old former Olympic cyclist who stopped during a bike ride and touched the water to feel the liner — charging him with destruction of government property. Trump posted that "multiple individuals" were arrested for vandalism and threatened "years in jail." The algae situ...

Today's Headlines: The Obama Presidential Center officially opened on the South Side of Chicago yesterday — a 19-acre campus with a museum, library, gardens, and a sledding hill — on Juneteenth, the same day Trump signed a worse version of Obama's Iran deal at Versailles, which is the kind of historic irony that writes itself. The Knicks held their ticker tape parade in downtown Manhattan to celeb...

Today's Headlines: Trump signed the Iran peace deal remotely in a hastily arranged gaggle — not the formal Swiss ceremony originally planned — after the two-page memorandum was leaked ahead of signing, forcing him to spend his G7 time defending a deal he'd spent two days trying to keep secret. The terms are as follows:  immediate ceasefire on all fronts including Lebanon, the US ends its naval blo...

Today's Headlines: Kash Patel allegedly authorized a taxpayer-funded slush fund to pay loyal FBI agents roughly $40,000 each — over a million dollars total — which Democratic congressman Jamie Raskin described as either corrupt cash payments to friends or hush money for agents who witnessed his drinking, and separately, Patel blew the cover of a sealed ongoing investigation by tweeting that the FB...

Today's Headlines: Trump attended the G7 in France while touting his Iran deal as a global security breakthrough, despite refusing to release the actual terms — which Iranian state media helpfully shared anyway: Iran gets $24 billion in unfrozen funds plus a $300 billion reconstruction fund, the Strait reopens in 30 days under Iranian arrangements, and the US commits to full withdrawal and non-int...

Today's Headlines: Trump's 80th birthday UFC fight at the White House went ahead as planned, sponsored by Meta, Polymarket, Bud Light, and Monster Energy, with fighters' bonuses paid in Trump crypto instead of actual dollars, weigh-ins at the Lincoln Memorial, and a crowd of million-dollar VIP ticket holders plus military members pre-screened for waist-to-height ratio — just as the Founders intend...

Today's Headlines: SpaceX went public today raising $75 billion at a $1.77 trillion valuation, making Elon Musk humanity's first trillionaire. Moving on, Trump spent Thursday morning threatening to seize Iran's main oil hub Kharg Island, then hours later cancelled strikes because Iran "approved a draft agreement" to reopen the Strait of Hormuz and begin 60 days of nuclear negotiations — except Ira...

Today's Headlines: Bill Gates testified before the House Oversight Committee that Epstein tried to blackmail him after he tried to distance himself, saying he never went to the island or witnessed criminal conduct — the standard answer at this point — while a New York Times excerpt from an upcoming Haberman/Swan book revealed the White House Situation Room freakout over the Epstein files last July...

Today's Headlines: Iran shot down a US Army helicopter yesterday, the US responded with strikes on Iranian air defense systems, both crew members are stable, and stock futures dropped immediately — so the ceasefire is going great. Meanwhile, the World Cup starts tomorrow and the Trump administration is already making it a disaster: the best male referee in Africa was denied entry despite a valid v...

Today's Headlines: Trump attended the Knicks game last night, shutting down a 10-block radius around Madison Square Garden to sit with owner James Dolan and the usual suspects of administration figures — all of whom got to watch their boss get booed louder than the Spurs during the National Anthem. Trump spent the next morning posting at 5am that Israel and Iran must stop "shooting", which neither...

Today's Headlines: Trump's Meet the Press interview derailed when Kristen Welker told him to his face that he lost in 2020, but not before he confirmed on the record that he wants January 6th defendants who assaulted police officers compensated, called them victims of "dirty cops," denied ever promising no new wars, and compared Iran favorably to Vietnam. Coincidentally, a Vietnam veteran filed a...

Today's Headlines: The fate of the Traitor Fund remains unknown — Blanche said they're dropping it but won't put it in writing, Trump said he loves it but "ask the lawyers," Senate Democrats tried to force a vote to block it and Republicans voted against the block anyway, and January 6th defendants are already filing claims — while what is confirmed is that Trump is still getting permanent IRS aud...