Morning Announcements

Today's Headlines: California and Iowa held their primaries Tuesday — Becerra and Hilton are leading California's governor's race with Steyer's money in a distant third, Karen Bass is holding first in LA's mayoral race with Spencer Pratt in second, and several Beverly Hills residents showed up to vote for Pratt only to discover they don't live in Los Angeles, perfect. Missing New Jersey congressma...

Today's Headlines: The Department of Agriculture is dealing with a bedbug infestation in the offices of the agency responsible for containing invasive pests. Yes, you read that right. Todd Blanche confirmed to Congress — not under oath, refusing to put it in writing — that the DOJ is dropping the Traitor Fund, while clarifying that the part protecting Trump and his family from IRS audits remains i...

Today's Headlines: The Traitor Fund is effectively dead for now — the DOJ said it "disagrees strongly" but will abide by the court's ruling, which is the closest thing to a clean win we've gotten in a while. Trump's America 250 birthday celebration continues to implode, with a competing Power to the People Festival announced for October 3rd featuring Springsteen, Joan Baez, and Dave Matthews, whil...

Today's Headlines: Trump had a rough weekend legally — a federal judge blocked the Traitor Fund in response to a lawsuit from a fired January 6th prosecutor, and another judge ordered Trump's name removed from the Kennedy Center within two weeks on the grounds that he never had legal authority to put it there. Trump responded by posting he has "no interest" in the Kennedy Center anymore and threat...

Today's Headlines: Trump's Treasury appointees are pushing to put his face on a new $250 bill — the printing director who resisted was reassigned, Trump personally gave the artist edits, and the whole plan is technically illegal since living people have been banned from US currency since 1866. ProPublica revealed that the White House intervened to help Don Jr.'s venture firm secure a $620 million...

Today's Headlines: A Delaware court ruled that companies can vote in municipal elections in the beach town of Fenwick Island — not just business owners, but the companies themselves as entities — and given that two-thirds of Fortune 500 companies are incorporated in Delaware, that's either a quirky local ordinance or the most efficient corporate takeover of democracy ever attempted. Joe Biden is s...

Today's Headlines: Trump got a three-hour physical at Walter Reed and posted that everything checked out "PERFECTLY." and is also building a UFC cage on the White House lawn for a $60 million birthday fight with VIP packages at $1.5 million each — because that’s what the people's house needs. On a completely different note, Pope Leo dropped his first encyclical, a 42,000-word document warning the...

Today's Headlines: Trump announced the US and Iran were near "finalization" of a deal on Saturday, then posted less than 24 hours later that he's "not in a rush" — with the reported framework giving Iran $25 billion in unfrozen assets in exchange for disposing of enriched uranium and temporarily reopening the Strait of Hormuz, while Iranian officials claim American diplomats have been privately te...

Today's Headlines: The Department of Homeland Security is threatening to cut customs staffing at major international airports in sanctuary cities like New York, LA, Chicago, and DC — which would affect not just tourism but cargo shipments and the broader economy — because DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin apparently thinks international trade can just reroute to Florida. Trump, meanwhile, said he's "...

Today's Headlines: Two January 6th police officers — Harry Dunn and Daniel Hodges — filed a lawsuit to block Trump's $1.776 billion slush fund, naming Trump, Todd Blanche, and Scott Bessent, while exactly one Republican congressman, Brian Fitzpatrick, called it out publicly — prompting Trump to immediately shitpost about Fitzpatrick's wife. On the primaries, Tuesday's results confirmed that Trump...

Today's Headlines: Thomas Massie lost his primary to Trump-backed Ed Gallrein, and Trump followed up by endorsing Ken Paxton over sitting Senator John Cornyn in Texas — picking the very crazy over the more traditional crazy, as is on-brand. Speaking of people who can't stop themselves, Trump demanded a DOJ investigation into Maryland's mail-in ballots over a completely routine reissuing error, bec...

Today's Headlines: Three people were killed in a shooting at the Islamic Center of San Diego — the city's largest mosque — by two teenage gunmen who died of self-inflicted wounds, with a security guard preventing the attack from being significantly worse. Notably, one shooter's mother had called police two hours earlier as a runaway juvenile report, telling them her son might be suicidal and had t...

Today's Headlines: Trump is reportedly willing to drop his $10 billion IRS lawsuit in exchange for a $1.7 billion government slush fund to pay out political allies — including $230 million for himself, a waiver on all family tax audits, and a public IRS apology — totally extortion. Meanwhile, Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy, one of the only Republicans who voted to convict Trump after January 6th,...

Today's Headlines: Trump's personal aide Natalie Harp — dubbed the "Human Printer" by the Wall Street Journal — follows the president around with a printer for his Truth Social posts and is responsible for his midnight rage posting, including the Obama monkeys video, because no one else on his comms team has any visibility into what goes out at 2am. Trump returned from China having spent most of h...

Today's Headlines: Trump touched down in Beijing for his Xi Jinping summit — greeted by a military band and hundreds of children waving flags — while Elon Musk technically skipped his own OpenAI trial to attend as emotional support, despite the judge explicitly not excusing him. On the Iran war, US intelligence assessed that Iran still has operational access to 30 of its 33 missile sites and about...

Today's Headlines: Trump had a full episode between 1am and sunrise Tuesday, posting dozens of times about the 2020 election, the reflecting pool, and Barack Obama — before waking up and telling reporters he doesn't think about Americans' financial situations "at all." He also disowned his favorite pool guy after the reflecting pool paint job came out bubbly, uneven, and full of holes, despite hav...

Today's Headlines: The Iran ceasefire is on "massive life support" per Trump, while Iran's foreign minister insists their latest proposal was reasonable — and the administration responded by sanctioning 12 companies helping ship Iranian oil to China, days before Trump flies to Beijing to meet Xi Jinping, where that will definitely not be awkward. This is further complicated by reports that China w...

Today's Headlines: Trump kicked off the week rejecting Iran's latest peace proposal with "I don't like it — totally unacceptable," while a confidential Economist document reveals Russia offered Iran 5,000 advanced drones and training for 10,000 soldiers to use them against American troops. Iran's new supreme leader Mojtaba Khamenei hasn't been seen publicly since being severely injured in the airs...

Today's Headlines: The Iran war is very much back on — Trump threatened Iran with "one big glow," called the exchange of fire "just a love tap," and bragged about sinking small boats, while US intelligence confirmed Iran still has about 70% of its missiles intact despite Trump claiming it's down to 18-19%. Gas prices have hit $4.50 a gallon — up over 50% since the war started — with CEOs warning t...

Today's Headlines: A federal judge unsealed what the DOJ claims is Jeffrey Epstein's suicide note yesterday — found tucked inside a graphic novel by his former cellmate. On related Epstein news, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick testified behind closed doors at the House Oversight Committee about his relationship with Epstein, his former next-door neighbor whom he claimed to find "disgusting," and...

Today's Headlines: Trump hosted kids at the White House for a Presidential Fitness Award ceremony, fell asleep while RFK Jr. spoke, and used the occasion to rant about Iran to a room full of children — meanwhile, Pete Hegseth was simultaneously insisting the ceasefire was still intact while missiles were actively flying over the Strait of Hormuz, and Marco Rubio filled in at the press briefing to...

Today's Headlines: The ceasefire is officially dead — Iran fired on multiple ships in the Strait of Hormuz after Trump said escorting vessels through the strait would be totally chill and Iran said that would be a ceasefire violation, and then Iran fired anyway. The UAE is also reporting missile attacks on a fuel facility and ships off its coast. Trump responded by holding remarks at the White Hou...

Today's Headlines: Spirit Airlines quietly ceased to exist overnight Saturday — no warning, no functioning customer service, just stranded pilots, crew members, and passengers. The real culprit is fuel costs, which are also why you're paying $4.45/gallon nationally and Californians are staring down $6+ at the pump — up over a dollar from a year ago. Speaking of costs, Trump's war with Iran rolls o...

Today's Headlines: Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry suspended the state's congressional primary elections — which were supposed to start tomorrow — citing the Supreme Court's redistricting ruling as cover to let the Republican-controlled legislature redraw the map first and set a new election date, which will conveniently be a jungle primary where Republicans could theoretically sweep all six of Lou...

Today's Headlines: The Supreme Court ruled 6-3 to gut Louisiana's congressional map on racial gerrymandering grounds, but the real headline is what the decision does to the 1965 Voting Rights Act — essentially making it easier for Republican-controlled legislatures to draw racially discriminatory districts going forward. Republican states wasted exactly zero time responding: Louisiana is already r...