Monster Crush

What a day/week/month/year/life! You deserve a break! Grab a towel, your favorite book, and prepare to fall in love on the seashore. Better to fall in love than fall in, because some of these singletons might eat you. Exciting!  CW: discussions of sex, death, infant death, harm to animals, insects, disease, animal attacks, drowning. Featuring: Lions and Tigers and Bears with Guns; MC Movie Co...

IT’S OUR 50th EPISODE!! To celebrate, we put together a very special episode, unlike anything we’ve done before. Heaven-Leigh provides a comprehensive look at critical aspects of Donna Haraway’s work and then connects it somehow to monster smooching? From there, Derek is presented with a horrifying glimpse into humanity’s future. This may be our most educational episode yet! CW: mentions of racism...

You can cut all the flowers, but you can’t keep Spring from coming! It’s time to throw open the windows, beat that old rug, and pay tribute to the naked little man who lives under your floorboards. Normal stuff! This week, Heaven-Leigh presents Derek with a selection of singletons that have already moved in and are busy judging how many dishes there are in the sink.  CW: climate change, dieti...

Get out your icosahedrons, it's a D&D bonus episode! Heaven-Leigh's schedule is busy these days so Derek decides to take special guest Kappa on a smoochable tour of the Forgotten Realms with a special selection of Dungeons & Dragons monsters. When Heaven-Leigh is away, the boys will slay (but in a sexy way)... Hey that all kinda rhymed!  CW: Violence, gaslighting, mind control, m...

Not up for debate: Godzilla's sex appeal. Up for debate: Which of his rivals is the hottest? This week, Derek breaks down some of Godzilla's sexiest foes. They're big, they're horrifying, and they're ready to destroy a city as a testament to their love! CW: human trafficking mention, nuclear weapons and devastation, eco-fascism. Featuring: Weird Mic Troubles - Sorry!; NEW THEME SONG; Toledo Facts;...

Since this episode was recorded in March, it counts as our official women's HERstory month episode. And what better way to celebrate women's accomplishments than by examining the lives (and deaths) of two famous murderers. ALLEGED murderers. ALLEGED vampire. ALLEGED witch. CONFIRMED grisly end at the hands of corrupt officials.  CW: torture, body horror, murder, bestiality, violence against a...

Listen, if your man is green, has an indecipherable accent, loves pogo sticks, and won't let you meet his family... that isn't your man, that's an alien.  CW: Abduction, thalassophobia, sharks, animal death, blood horror, gun violence. Featuring: a Baby on Mars; the Most F***able Number; Drake Equation; Glow Sharks; Derek's True Age; Alien Pogo Sticks; Jerry Bob the Gargoyle; Origin of 'Littl...

We heat up these colder months with a little dragon fire as Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with a selection of 3 scaly, draconic singletons from all over the world. CW: Sex, sex toys, avalanches and natural disasters, car accidents, death, drowning/flooding, war, cannibalism, religion, politics. Featuring: The Sexiest Dragon Hoards; Spooky News!; Dragons Across the World; YARMS; Time-Traveling C...

Welcome back! Derek and Heaven-Leigh return from their wintery hiatus and journey into some of the wettest, peatiest bogs searching for love. Bring a crusty loaf of bread and some ripe fruit; there is jerky and butter in these bogs. CW: cannibalism, sexual assault, racism, religious sacrifice, death, train disaster, violence. Featuring: Human Jerky; Armie Hammer; Spooky News!; Bog Bodies and Bog B...

Fear not: nothing bad this way comes! Derek and Heaven-Leigh give a brief life update and the plans to continue the show in the new year, hotter and heavier than ever! This time, the hiatus is actually planned, which shows we are growing. And maybe we'll get a Nectar sponsorship out of this. Nectar, get at us! CW: night terrors Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler,...

In our very first from the vault release, we give you: the unaired Ohio episode! We recorded this way back when Derek first joined the show and then just never posted it. But we blew off the dust and gave it a good ol' spit shine, and present it to you in all its retro glory. CW: Slurping noises, Child Endangerment, Mentions of Violence. Featuring: Christian Werewolf Sex Positions; Dog Show News;...

Happy Halloween! Whether you’re staying in or going out, we have an intoxicating selection of horrors to help keep you company! CW: Mention of genitalia, serial killers, and gun violence. Featuring: SLUTTY DOGS AND THEIR CRIMES; Trick, Treat, or Yeet; Horny for Hell; Movie Corner; Double Stick Knife; Werewolf Snitch; Finland has Stolen the Sun; When you Hear the Ice Knocking, Run??!!? Special than...

Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? These boys are! This week, a pack of dogs from around the world battle for Derek's love, as well as vie for the Good Boy crown. Only one of them can win the heart of Derek, but luckily, they can all share the title of Good Boy. CW: cancer, sex, violence, child death and dog death, cannibalism, incest, torture, animal cruelty. Featuring: Spooky News; Justice for...

It's the end of the world, and these monsters are FINE. Derek doesn't want Heaven-Leigh to face the great unknown all alone, so he presents a bevy of dates that are sure to protect her - because they are helping to end the world! Like, wouldn't a benefit of dating the destroyer of all worlds be that you aren't destroyed? RIGHT?!  CW: body horror; eschatology; real-world religions; ableism; wh...

Name a more iconic throuple than Scully, Mulder, and the thousands of viewers who desperately wanted them to smooch. But what if the X-Files had taken a different turn? While there is definitely an X-Rated title covering the, ahem, human relations , Heaven-Leigh brings some of the most delicious X-Files monsters to the table. Jimmy Stewart's ghost makes a repeat appearance for like a solid 37 minu...

This week, Heaven-Leigh is joined by two superduper special guests - Jake and Wyatt from the podcast Superduperstitious! While they are used to uncovering the science behind the supernatural and paranormal, they suspend their disbelief to go on a series of hot double dates. Each singleton has more than one head, and a lot of love to go around. CW: Bodily fluids. Featuring: Free Geico Ad; Murder Yo...

As if figuring out where to take a monster on your first date wasn’t hard enough, how do you even find one? Thankfully, there’s an organization dedicated to securing, containing, and protecting humans from monstrous threats. But for those of us who are brave, an SCP facility is like a singles mingle. CW: genitals; animal mutilation. Featuring: Monster Preventives; Turkey Burger; Spooky News!; Deat...

It's Pride Month, the Continuation! This episode was filmed in June, so whenever you listen to it, it's Pride Month again, baby! Heaven-Leigh and Derek pay homage to the queer icon, The Babadook, before moving on to the week's singletons. Knock knock, who's there? It's a poltergeist! Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. They are really annoying. CW: SA; menstruation; animal mutilation; sharks. F...

This episode begins with a personal address of support from Heaven-Leigh and Derek about the protests and demands for justice in the US. And finally, the greatest trilogy in human history comes to a close. You may not have asked for it, but it’s here anyway. Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with another bevy of monsters grasping for love in Gettin’ Handsy Part 3: The Fingering! CW: discussions of race/...

Why have one when you can have it all? This week's singletons are a grab bag of delights. He's part man, part snake dick, part butterfly, part dog? Say no more. Seriously, please, say no more, that sounds horrifying. CW: rape. Featuring: Ghost Shark; WEIRD NEWS!; Demon Facts; Erect Snakes; Are Predators Pro-Life?; Direct to Kindle; Bird Don't Have Boobs. Special thanks to our super producer,...

Did you love those handsy boys featured last time? Well, Derek is back with more! The projected hugs are off the charts. We get carried away at the start of this episode and talk a lot about the theater and having sex with ghosts. Good points were made. Heaven-Leigh then shares her most recent experience with maybe an alien abduction? CW: cults, colonialism, body horror, mention of genitalia. Feat...

Who has a variety of hands, at least one thumb, and is ready for love? This week's singletons! Featuring our first monster with daddy issues. CW: Sexual assault in Greek mythology. Featuring: Pool Playing Pandas; Otter Crimes!; Camping Horror Story; Ghostly Hand Massage; Jesus v Devil: Dartmoor Drift; Zeus is at it... A G A I N. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Gei...

Monsters these days only know eat brains, lie, tweet, and straight-to-DVD-sequels. If you want a monster who knows how to treat you right and has the chivalrous charm of a knight they probably killed at some point, look no further than the Middle Ages! Heaven-Leigh has a selection of three singletons that will show you how to party like it's 799. CW: body horror. Featuring: Power Dynamics and Time...

April Fool's Day can be yours all year round in this special all hoax edition! In honor of pranks, mischief, and tomfoolery, Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with some options that may just be too good to be true. CW: mention of animal death. Featuring: Violence Against Aquatic Apes; Mermaid Theories; ARE-Kansas; Where Did the Germans Go?; Mass Effect; Kaiju Highway. Special thanks to our super-produce...

Since we're all stuck inside and time means nothing, we can all pretend this came out before St. Patrick's Day, right? Either way, grab a Guinness, pucker up, and get ready to kiss some Irish monsters!  CW: Alcohol Consumption, SA, Death, Supernatural Mischief, DV, and Blood. Featuring: Derek absolutely DID NOT go out for St. Patrick’s Day (Social Distancing y’all); Heaven-Leigh will commit c...