Minion Death Cult

Happy M&M meltdown January, the annual tradition where we rend our garments and rip the hair from our heads over woke m&m's. This year, there's too many women on the package. Also: the right wing spins itself into a frenzy, first pretending that Joe Biden is going to ban gas stoves, then pretending to defy such a ban by coming increasingly close to burning their houses down. Support the show for $...

This week we cover the attempted right-wing coup in Brazil, the hilarious fallout, and the thick miasma of cope emanating out of conservative spaces across the internet. Also: we measure the shape and density of part-timer workers' skulls to answer the question: are they bad? Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show:...

This week we're mourning another symbol of traditional masculine heterosexuality, The Wiggles, who have apparently agreed to collaborate with famed gay satanist Lil Nas X Also: Right Wing Media find creative ways to report Avatar: The Way of Water beating Top Gun: Maverick's total at the box office in just one month. Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult...

Today: the Taliban calls for Andrew Tate's release, citing his opposition to demonic force of feminism and a new trend is sweeping the nation: calling the police on dollar bills. An elderly facebook couple has all the info and finally! A facebook pastor with common-sense sermons about jeans and movie's Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our...

Today we cover the recent Andrew Tate saga: a man who got so mad at Greta Thunberg he posted a two-minute video on twitter about how he wasnt owned and then immediately got arrested for sex trafficking. He claims that agents of "The Matrix" were sent to silence him, but we look at his self-help dating university(?) where he brags about doing stuff that sounds a lot like sex trafficking. We enter a...

This week, Disney exchanges the Song of the South references in Splash Mountain for a scene with their only Black Princess, a right wing tik tokfluencer does a snarky clapback, and we come up with some of our own replacement ideas Also, LIFE has been CANCELLED thanks to a woke update on the classic board game. A facebook mom has all the details.  Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus...

As a Christmas treat, we have unlocked our 2019 account of this bizarre holiday movie. This week we review Believe, a film about business owner Matthew Peyton who gets assaulted and left for dead when he can't afford to single-handedly finance the town's annual Christmas Pageant  He solves his and the town's economic problems when he realizes he can replace his union workforce with unpaid homeless...

Today we cover new The Santa Clauses streaming show, where Tim Allen claims he has restored Christ to Christmas, and that "Saying 'Merry Christmas to all' has somehow become problematic." Also, we sign up for Mammoth Nation, the new "conservative competitor to Amazon" and their Christmas commercial featuring groomers fanta Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death...

It's a heaping helping of shameful joy today as the big announcement Trump teased to his supporters is revealed: Digital Trump Trading Cards in the form of NFTs. While many supporters expected him to release documents on the deep state, announce a candidacy for House Speaker, announce a presidential running mate, anything of even moderate interest, they were left with second-hand embarassment as t...

It's a jam-packed episode of DEATH CHAT 500 this week.  Two work stories from Alex: a Supervisor shares his L's and a slavery-themed coffee shop won't give Alex a discount. Tony accidentally buys expensive demonic crocs Small Soldiers is secretly kind of an anti-military, anti-corporate, animation and rap music masterpiece? A bootleg theragun changes Alex's life Weed chat with Tony An angry cop bu...

This week we field an interesting theological question: Is God sexist against men for making them far more rational and therefore less capable of faith than women? Also, Elon Musk and Dave Chapelle get booed for 5 minutes straight, which is a really good bit to be fair And the right wing reacts to the passing of the Respect for Marriage Act, both laughing at progressives for how relatively toothle...

It's a jam-packed episode this week as Amazon cancels its "tip your driver" program after only one day, and the company's possible movites for muddying the search terms "Amazon" and "tips" Also: an MDC exclusive interview with the artist behind the Totally Real demonic Starbucks Cup circulating on boomer internet. WE ARE HOLDING HIM TO ACCOUNT. Finally: There's gender cops in England, and they're...

This week Tony almost catches a charge at Costco, and we read one of the most embarrassing instances of Elon dickriding I've ever seen. Also, the heiress to a pharmaceutical fortune unlearns the wokeness foisted upon her by her liberal college with the help of a $300/day cult deprogrammer and a few Prager U videos. Finally, grandparents everywhere lose their mind as GenZ does edgy santa-atheism on...

This week we follow up with the Facebook cop who argued with Ben Shapiro that San Francisco PD should get killer robots--turns out he's a bit of a drama queen! Then we turn to the Kanye West saga and the right wing media who is struggling but still managing to defend him FInally, we address the historic move by Biden and congressional Democrats to force an unpopular contract on union railworkers a...

Audio from DEATH CHAT 500 live last saturday: -The origin of the way Tony says "pummel" -New deranged conservative cartoonist just dropped, and we go through his instagram -Questions about wine and music from listeners -And Washington Post commenters are so confused by the Dril interview that they turn into Dril Join us LIVE this saturday at 5pm PST via http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult where we...

As a punishment for new Patrons we're watching Jeff Dunham's new mind-altering special: Me the People Jeff takes on Cancel Culture, the Joe Biden puppet talks about Hunter's prostitutes, a brand new millennial puppet delights the audience with jokes about participation trophies, and yes, José the Jalapeño gets trafficked to Martha's Vineyard Help us do the show for only $5/month ($3.11/month if yo...

This week Police in San Francisco draft a proposal authorizing them to use their 17 robots (???) as a lethal force. Conservative readers are torn between their hatred of San Francisco and their passing knowledge of any dystopian science fiction ever written. Also, a work story involving the police, killing criminals to get traffic moving, and Alex gets owned by a cop. This is THE LAST WEEK to sign...

Today we talk about how I caused a car accident at work and also how it's absolutely not my fault Plus, a Harley Biker takes on both a lion AND a fake news journalist. Which is the more dangerous foe? Unfortunately we also have to talk about the estimated 6,500 migrant workers killed during the construction of the world cup stadiums in Qatar, but we soften our criticisms when we learn they might b...

This week we explore the Modern Day Knight project, a fake Navy Seals hell week designed to separate rich losers from $15k and torture them in the process. The "training" regimen consists of 75 hours of grueling physical exertion, waterboarding, verbal abuse, and digging your own grave to be buried alive--all to avoid joining the actual military. We have written, audio, and photographic documentat...

An XL preview of the Death Chat 500 livestream from 11/12: Nu-metal horror films, underrated Black sitcoms, and extremely real and incredibly paranormal police stories Tune in live this Saturday at 5pm PST and we'll do it all again http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

This week a conservative Law School student calls the newspaper asking them to run a story with HIV in the headline next to a photo of her face. And we examine a facebook group devoted to debunking progressive christianity one meme at a time Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week, instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes, and a weekly livestream fo...

This week we start with some encouraging poetry for our big, brave boys in charge: Donald Trump and Elon Musk Then, we spend the majority of the episode piercing the thinly-veiled right wing satire on an "intersectional feminine culture" website called IQfy, with articles such as "Are DMT entities racist?," and "He beat up my BF & I can't stop masturbating to it." After reading these and a couple...

This episode we're covering the elections because we're data wonks now, and here are some key takeaways from this episode: Ranked choice voting is unconstitutional because it gives each person more than one vote, Trump didn't back the big guy in Pennsylvania and is crying and screaming and pissing his pants a little about it, Babies are out... big time. The baby annihilator demographic turned out...

This week we're doing hard news coverage as Trump drops a new insulting nickname for a popular GOP rival. Does it hit? And the right wing settles on a reality they like concerning the Pelosi home invasion: the 83 year-old was doing Pain Olympics with his gay lover. Finally, we provide you with the official record of how right-wing boomers feel about self-checkout. The answer may surprise you. Help...

This week we go trick or treating at the homes of some familiar personalities. Will we make it out alive? Yes. We're also talking Elon Musk's ingenious plans for twitter, his satanic halloween costume, and how these very important topics are resonating with the right wing on facebook and twitter alike. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week as well as instant a...