Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

Golden ticket winner Claire toughs out a packed show about Trump's downward spiral. But first: Bucket Lists: what's on ours, and why do they all entail the same thing. Trumpster Fire 2016: further and further down the rabbit hole we go. The Donald doubles down on his "Obama is the founder of ISIS" remarks, then claims sarcasm, then says he wasn't being sarcastic.  Some people are saying he's becom...

Golden ticket winner #2 hails from Australia and brings her pet wallaby onto the show! Not really, but you fucking believed it for a second.  Team USA is dominating the Olympics right now, so when the GOP completes our country's transformation into a fascist hellscape, maybe Brazil will take us. A new report says Millennials are having less sex than any other generation of the past 60 years. In re...

​This week's episode welcomes guest host Zach to the program, because Zach was unlucky enough to win a Golden Ticket from our t-shirt sales. Sorry Zach. Andrew realizes the fate of his sister's marriage is in his hands. Surprise, Bitch! takes us to Portugal, a country wisely deciding to avoid Trump over-saturation. But we're not. Dumpster Fire 2016 covers the final convention controversies and loo...

​This week's episode of #Millennial will just be Michelle Obama's DNC speech on an eternal loop. Thank you and goodnight. Harry Potter and the Cursed Fan Fiction comes out this weekend - only one of us defends its honor.​ Dumpster Fire 2016 takes aim at the DNC: Tim Kaine is a bowl of warm grains, but he's cute, so fuck it. In more important news: San Diego Comic Con revealed some cool new info an...

This episode brought to you by Monday Afternoon: a great time to record if you want to make your convention coverage as dated as possible. ​The night is always darkest before the dawn, and this week, "the dawn" is Roger Ailes ​getting thrown out of Fox News. AP Choice and listener feedback asks us about dealing with ignorant family members, the new gay Bachelor, and more. ​A failed military coup i...

​Bitch we're back. By popular demand. Brave new world: a lot has changed in two short weeks and we're still working to process it. Dumpster Fire 2016 is upon us, and #Millennial has some live Google hangouts planned for the upcoming conventions. All bones matter. But when you need a doctor, it's because one of them is fucking broken and requires additional attention. How difficult of a concept is...

It's our last show before a two week summer break, so eat it up sycophants.  Andrew is, officially, an Uber driver. Welcome to the jungle.  The Department of Justice is editing the Orlando shooter's 911 transcripts -- is this what everyone means by "PC culture"? "Here's a novel idea," they said. "Let's do nothing," they said. The Senate votes down all four gun control bills.  A new era of Trump? C...

A major tragedy in the United States calls for a special episode of #Millennial. We discuss the horrific Orlando shooting in-depth. The facts as we know them so far. What issues were at play? And what aspects are standing out this time? Connections to politics: The GOP blocked a bill in December that could’ve prevented this from occurring. We listen to a town hall from a couple of weeks ago in whi...

​Andrew survives his flight across the Atlantic, eliminating any hopes we had of being on CNN. ​Primary season sings its swan song as California and five other states go to the ballot box. If I call Laura an ill-begotten slag, is that hate speech, or historical fact? Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft and others implement a new content policy in Europe and we straddle the fence between "okay sure" and "...

Trash ass alcohol. Melancholy music. Gays. Welcome, summer. ​Two new confessions ask for our advice about coming out of the closet and online dating, and we handle the quandaries with the grace of a lemming. This week in uplifting news: Johnny Depp turns out to be an asshole and the Catholic Church turns out to still have some assholes. No NSA? No problem. For a couple million dollars, you too can...

Celebrate Andrew's birthday with us and a Dunkin Donuts near you. Golden Ticket winners won't get a lifetime supply of chocolate, but they will get a lifetime supply of embarrassment. News summons the spirit of Alex Trebek in a Jeopardy-style rundown of whatever the fuck is even going on anymore. One country fires half its police force for corruption, while another country just straight up catches...

If a host turns her hair green, but no one sees it, does it still make a sound? A new oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is trashing shit up -- and no one even knew it was happening until a random helicopter pilot was like, oh look, a rotting ecosystem. Flying is officially not the safest way to travel, because even if the plane makes it, the stress of it all will fucking end your life. President Oba...

Performers who don't show up on time SUCK.  Obama hates how the media is covering Trump, but loves bison. The Political Minute: Goodbye Kasich, hello President Trump. Goodbye endorsements from past Presidents, hello Nickelback. Facebook has supposedly avoided putting conservative topics in its Trends section. Is this a problem? And why do government officials care? California has raised the age at...

The Podcast Where It Happens celebrates Hamilton's slew of Tony nominations! Too bad we'll never see it live. Andrew plugs the new Hypable, but if you're like Micah you won't be visiting it. We offer a few dramatic readings from Fuck Off, Cupid, and discuss what the hell it means when someone describes themselves as a Nice Guy. The news portion of the show is politics-heavy, and as we record we le...

Stop doing things, people. We can't keep up with all this shit. Harriet Tubman was a baller way before she was a $20. "Can you move to the right a bit, I need a clear shot of this for my blog." -Andrew, having a threesome with his new Uber passengers. Beyonce will be on the $10 someday if she keeps this up. Lemonade resonated even with those of us who aren't part of the Beyhive. Hidden from the He...

Andrew returns from last week's stint in prison to find his world has collapsed. "I've got transparent pandering in my bag. Swag." -Hillary Clinton News kicks off with a brand new study that reveals either we're all morons, or the study's authors are. New legislation in Congress would permit 9/11 victims' families to sue Saudi Arabia for their role in funding the terrorist attacks. In related news...

Fuck Off, Cupid: introducing a new segment for singles, by singles. Best and worst experiences, lessons learned, and real online dating interactions -- submitted by you, dramatically read by us. Visit fuckoffcupid.com to get in on the action. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? It's somewhere in Afghanistan.  Let's play No Context, they said. It'll be fun, they said. And in this week's Af...

Andrew talks about visiting the Grand Canyon and throws this show off the rails 3 minutes in.  Hidden from the Headlines gets our heads out of the U.S.'s ass and into a complicated international conflict. Look at us being all worldly and shit. "To sex, or not to sex?" -Hamlet or something, and also this one listener who wrote in. What if elected officials had to wear jackets with the logos of thei...

Welcome back, sycophants. • We’re joined this week by comedian Liz Magee for our first “Ask Me Anything” style interview! Check her out on Twitter: @JokesMagee • Our LOTR movie commentary is coming on April 11th. The eagles are coming! • Quickfire News takes us to Chuck Grassley’s secret Q&A events and Ted Cruz’s deviant fantasies. Spoiler alert: You don’t want to participate in either of these th...

We begin with a message about recent, horrific attacks around the world. Andrew has an issue with his upstairs neighbors he needs help on. This is war. In Quickfire News, we tackle an update on the new $10 bill, Twitter controversies, Georgia’s Religious Freedom Bill, SeaWorld, and Obama’s busy week between Cuba and Merrick Garland. In our Confessional we address living at home with your parents a...

What does a year in space do to your body, besides deprive it of sex? Astronaut Scott Kelly holds the answers. Listener Feedback is best described as, "You're all idiots," but we know that, so at least there's common ground. This week's installment of Hidden from the Headlines is brought to you by Fuck You, Pakistan, and whatever shit bigoted horse you rode in on. News this week kicks off by askin...

​Our assholes are lubed up for your furious emails. But first: check out our band new #Millennial t-shirts, brought to you by the letter "p" -- please clap.   All shirts are $20 and come with one free month of Patreon! Existing Patrons get a sweet little bonus too. Pucker up.    As for this week's episode: Let's dispel this myth that Facebook friends don't know what they're doing. They know exactl...

We’re back this week with a SUPER packed election episode. But first, Chris Rock took on the Academy for #OscarsSoWhite. Leo finally won an Oscar though, so… #progress? The #Millennial Confessional brings some exciting news, as well as questions about striking a work/life balance. The shocking results from Super Tuesday states reveal PR team telling us that the only person shocked by results is Ma...

If it looks like an asshole and talks like an asshole, it's probably Sony. #FreeKesha gains some much-needed momentum as the embattled singer struggles to ditch a binding contract with her alleged rapist. Apple takes on the FBI in an epic David and Goliath showdown over privacy and business rights. A very special Photoshop challenge is issued. Sea levels are rising faster than previously believed,...

Welcome back, sycophants, and enjoy this week's dose of gluten-free headlines. Associate Producer's Choice wants to know in what ways is the U.S. worse off because of Obama, or in spite of him. THE 8TH HARRY POTTER BOOK GUYS!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!! Except not because it's a fucking script adapted by someone not named J.K. Rowling. But fine, we're still excited. The elephant in the room comes out. In...