Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

To anal, or not to anal? What you've all been waiting for: the answers to what happened in Aruba.  Columbia University accepts, then unaccepts, 277 applicants. In related news: 277 teenagers are spared the trauma of attending Columbia.  Should food stamps be used to buy candy and soda? The State of Maine asks, #Millennial (kind of?) answers.  #ItGetsBetter is more than just a catchy phrase: a new...

1/4 of our panel is celebrating Valentine's Day in Aruba, so the rest of us are here to talk shit on her. We're not jealous or anything.  The Grammy's were just asking for #GrammysSoWhite to trend, and they lived down to expectations.  Something something 50 shades something Katy Perry.  Laura and Andrew both became single in time for Valentine's Day and have an 85% match on OKC. OTP!  Listener fe...

There may be big changes coming for one of us over Valentine's Day. Stay tuned.  Listener feedback takes a dump on Andrew and weaves a tale of panties and bushes.  We guarantee we're the only podcast that will go from anal to the Constitution. #blessed  "Fuck those immigrants, amirite?!" -Native Americans and/or Donald Trump  We discuss Betsy DeVos (Note: This episode was recorded before she was c...

In Good News, the Boy Scouts are now cool with transgendered youth joining their organization. Hollywood no longer hates Mel Gibson, which is SAD! Will Facebook's latest News Feed changes have a positive effect on curbing fake news? Our $10 Patron offer a few discussion topics, including feeling useless when you're in a Democratic state like California, and long distance relationships. And this we...

With Andrew missing in action, we decide to display some of our own #alternatefacts. Tourists. Good for the economy. Bad for literally everything else.  Listener Feedback asks for our advice on how to handle Trump-loving relatives and traveling alone. We provide zero insight.  News kicks off with the Women's Marches: a movement, or just a moment? And why liberals can sometimes be their own worst e...

Note: This episode was recorded before the Presidential Inauguration. The Women's Marches are going to be YUGE. Trump's inauguration probably won't. AP Choice makes a comeback with questions about credit scores on dating sites, how to make a difference in this new political environment, and Lady Gaga. Shocking news out of Massachusetts: ExxonMobil may have been funding climate change denial propag...

We reminisce on our favorite Obama qualities and the changes he's enacted over the past 8 years. Surprise, bitch! goes terribly awry because of fucking course it does. We welcome Kid Rock to the show. In this week's After Dark: We planned a real conversation, we promise. But some of us just need a dick in the ass first. What's our plan for inauguration day? What do we see going down? The Women's M...

Welcome to 2017. Welcome to season 3. Please manage your expectations for both.  Happy New Year, sycophants. Two truths, one lie reveals which of us is the loser that stayed home and got drunk with her dad. Wikishits announces their descent into the 6th Circle of Hell as they plan to release the private information of Twitter users.  U.S. intelligence agencies have definitively concluded that Vlad...

In our last show of the year, we streamed LIVE for Patrons and welcomed back a long-lost host. Happy birthday, Laura. We hope this embarrasses you, Laura. News jumps off with a report from Aleppo, Syria, where thousands of unarmed civilians have been slaughtered. Know what it is now, Gary? Biden/Obama 2020: Because Obama's departure feels too real after his last-ever press conference of the year....

In our penultimate “fuck this year” episode, all of our hosts return!  Except the other chick “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games - we got volcanoes exploding.. right in your face.”  The Hamilton Mixtape is now available on Spotify! (Or for purchase if you’re 1000 years old).  The Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) has been struck down for now, but what will happen under a Trump Presidency?  A...

It's the Andrew and Matt show on this week's #Millennial, so we're doing things a little differently! Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday: We recap these four… uh… holidays. Updates: The New York Times has seen some major growth since the Election, while fake news continues to spin out of control. We share our thoughts on Disney's latest musical, Moana. Did they try to create...

Buckle up, minions: we’re so deep in the Dumpster Fire the theme music is no longer audible. What are we thankful for? Nothing (except Bruce Springsteen). Trump was shocked to learn that the leader of the free world tends to live in the nation’s capitol. Alexander Hamilton has a thing about picking fights with Vice Presidents, which is a convenient distraction for the $25 million Trump University...

Well, we’re back from our election trip, and everything is terrible. But we’re kicking this episode off with a soothing meditation session to help you ugly cry those election woes out. Speaking of the election, we’re taking a break from politics this week. Sorry not sorry. We share stories of our adventures in DC, and Laura’s harrowing tale of being bullied by a second grader brings on the feels....

We're sad y'all. What does this mean for the future of the country? We offer our early reactions and how to cope with such a devastating vote. In the next episode we'll discuss the GOOD parts of hanging out together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Halloween was an identity crisis for one of us, who faced the toughest Harry Potter quiz of her life.  We've got 99 problems and Anthony Weiner is literally all of them. Dumpster Fire: The Penultimate Edition questions how one man's dick can exert so much power. Who will take Florida? How many beers will Andrew drink? Will Laura drunkenly hit on strangers at the bar? These and more important elect...

#Millennial reporting live from the end of the Republic, with only two more weeks left before the next - and depending on how it goes, maybe the last - presidential election. -Is Wonder Woman an empowering role model for girls worldwide, or just over-sexualized spank bank material for boys? The UN deliberates. Tonight at 9. -AT&T announces it's buying Time Warner for a monumental $85.4 billion. Ha...

Welcome back to the show, Pam! Note: This episode was recorded BEFORE the debate. This week's After Dark will have our thoughts on the third and final brawl! Shit is real now in the fight against ISIS. We discuss the Battle for Mosul. Andrew tries to share some health tips for those in their 20s, but Matt apparently knows them all. The Montreal Protocol just got a lot tougher and COOLER. Canada de...

Haiti's death toll from Hurricane Matthew has soared past 900 -- and thousands more are suffering from the rapid spread of cholera. Donate whatever you can spare to Unicef's Haiti mission or Hope for Haiti.  "BREAKING NEWS: DONALD TRUMP SHOCKS WORLD, REVEALS RAMPANT SEXISM" said no one who's watched him speak longer than 10 seconds before today. TapeGate does reveal one new thing, however: Donald...

Andrew met Bruce Springsteen and died from exposure. RIP. But he'll be resurrected in time for election night - where we'll all be hanging out in D.C. to watch the results roll in. Think you might want to join? Let us know here. BREAKING NEWS: Using loopholes to avoid paying millions in taxes unironically lauded by campaign whose slogan is "law and order." "How to Win at Debating by Being a Keeble...

Americans: You're running out of time to register to vote. Get on that NOW if you haven't already! Shout out to our friend Sarah at the HP-Alliance - their most recent campaign is called Wizard Rock the Vote, and its endeavor is to register new voters and empower people to get out the vote in their own communities. Hit the link above to participate, and enter for a chance to win a Harry Potter boo...

The FBI director says it's a good idea to cover up your camera. Pumpkin Spice EVERYTHING is back. And Laura confesses to being a white girl. In Dumpster Fire 2016, we discuss a Bush's vote for Hillary, Trump using charity money to settle legal problems, and the damn birther movement. What do we expect to happen in next week's first Presidential Debate? Surprise, Bitch! It's your lucky day! Learn m...

Some MVP listeners ask Andrew why he thinks "a hole is a hole." Andrew digs his grave deeper.  HAPPY 9/11 MATT!!! The birthday boy reminds us two national tragedies were born that day.  Dumpster Fire 2016: Deplorable Lives Matter. Overheatin' Hillary. Real time election results. The end of our Republic.  We welcome Trump spokeswoman MaryAnne Katherine Kelly Sue to the show.  An American oil compan...

Andrew isn't here, so we answer all your burning questions about him.  Warner Bros' legendary failure of the week has us asking: if company slogans were 100% honest, what would they be?  This week in science: antibacterials don't work, and neither do your genes. Why the FDA ruled against antibacterials and why you're probably fat. Tonight at 9. Lions and tigers and zika, oh my! And bees and butter...

Bienvenido a Jacob, nuestro último ganador del Boleto de Oro! We bring a little culture to the show with a story from Mexico.  But we don't steep in our newfound intellectualism for long. Mayo or man juice? Trick question: both. Surprise, bitch! takes us on the road with a traveling listener. Google that Shiiiiiiiit: Sponsored by the End of Human Intellect.  Colin Kaepernick: the new face of terro...

It's Britney, bitch. Burning to ashes in this week's Dumpster Fire: the GOP-black community relationship. Then again, what do they have to lose? Clinton's hashtag!emails are back in the news cycle with more expected to be leaked just in time for election day.  Hidden from the Headlines: Nestle's continued courting of the Satan vote, and an Obamacare problem without a clear solution in sight. But w...