Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

The new intro is here! RIP Matt, you'll live on in our earbuds. The Stormy Daniels saga is about to be put on steroids by a new interview. From bikes to trains to video games, it's the biggest toy store to ever go out of business! Gee whiz! A big upset in PA has everyone cautiously optimistic.  "SIR I THINK I LEFT MY CLAY FACE MASKS IN YOUR CAR!!!" Uber reveals the strangest items ever submitted t...

RIP Andrew. The show assumes its final form as the girls take over. We vouch for the wholesomeness of a long lost host. "North Korea meeting? What North Korea meeting?" -The White House, probably. Martin Shkreli, the asswipe who raised lifesaving medicine prices for sheer, obscene amounts of profit, is going to prison. Sad. A bunch of SYCOPHANTS submitted listener questions and we assign each othe...

Hidden from the Headlines: a new and troubling trend of governors refusing to hold special elections when they fear their party might be on the losing end. This is NOT what democracy looks like. Alexa users are reporting that the AI will laugh creepily. On her own. Unprompted. HARD FUCKIN PASS. "Family Foundations": they love family so much, they want every child to start their own! Surprise, bitc...

A tapestry of photographs flash before the screen. The collage ends on a glowing photo of Matt, smiling, looking serene atop a mountain of clouds. We feel his presence even as the picture fades to white. His voice echoes softly: "How's my butthole look in these?" And then he's gone. The last piece of him, a memory only our sleeping eyes can see. Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about D and D...

Black Panther is a crazy good success story. One might say... almost too successful.  It's happening. Slowly, but surely. Mueller's investigation is inching closer to conclusion, starting with the fuckwads who dared to interfere with the oldest constitutional democracy in the world. Another school shooting. Another town devastated. When will we value our children more than our guns? The Parkland s...

Time for a feel trip. We wish Matt the worst of luck, and hope he falls flat on his face. "LOOK AT ME. I'M THE POACHER NOW." -Lions Omarosa returns to her reality television roots and immediately starts dropping bombs and freaking us the fuck out. We have the best health care in the world, they said. You'll be fine, they said. Health insurance company Aetna gets caught with their pants down. Vote...

The Eagles win the Superbowl and MLK rolls over in his grave. Memo Schmemo. Who needs the FBI anyway?! Lolz Stop trying to make the Olympics happen. They're not going to happen. The Larry Nassar case gets heated and the #MeToo movement proves itself tragically relevant.  Susan B. Anthony's dream is realized with the introduction of Lady Doritos: for the sexy snacker in every woman. Hidden from the...

Andrew recalls a horrific dream he had recently. ~What does it mean??~ We share our thoughts on Trump's SOTU.. the parts we watched, anyway. Oprah has announced she's not running for President. That's a big win for the Dems. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of this Damn Series. What the hell is going on with David Yates' latest comments? Mark Salling is dead of an apparent suicide, and some people see...

-The government shitdown unfolds as we speak, and we all pray that pinky promises are legally binding.  -An Irish woman finds love in the arms of her new husband: the 300 year old ghost of a Haitian pirate. WTF News is back! -#FakeNews NASA says our solar system contains a mysterious 9th planet... that we just haven't found yet. In related news, science determines all reality is a sham. -Pennsylva...

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and we are it. Let's act like it. -MOUNTAINS, GANDALF!!! takes on a decidedly different meaning. -President Trump refers to particular, mostly people of color-populated countries as "shitholes," and the veneer of "this isn't about race" washes straight off. -YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE. HUG YOUR CAT. HIDE YOUR KIDS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. -Apple users have something...

Welcome back! It's officially season 4. Time to jump the shark and disintegrate into a heap of failure. Highlights from our break include a Rated R coffee mug, a tropical trip from hell, and an acute injury to one of our boyfriends. Merry Christmas. New Year, New Laws: we take a look at some of this weird, but mostly pretty cool, state laws taking effect in 2018. (Suck it up, Oregon.) YOU get a Su...

-Happy birthday to the heart and soul of this show, our dear Laura. Champion of the downtrodden. Warrior for the underrepresented. Purveyor of the sex. -We finally unwrap our Secret Santas and find out WTF is in Laura's giant box. -Surprise, bitch! takes us to Utah where we creep on a listener who was just creepin' on us. -Associate Producer's Choice asks us to dive into the debate happening now o...

-The Force is strong with us as we get hyped THE FUCK UP for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. -Surprise, bitch! takes us to Florida, where grandparents and presidential campaigns go to die. -Transgender military recruits are shown the respect they deserve by our judicial system. -YOU get a cake! YOUUU get a cake! YOU -- maybe don't. -Facebook Messenger for Kidz: For the bad parent in all of us. -WTF News...

We kick off with a graphic update on our Thanksgiving sex lives. #blessed Surprise again, bitch! welcomes back a sly motherfucker who somehow figured out how to con the system. It's beginning to look a lot like a merry Mueller Christmas. Royal wedding bells are a' ringing, and this time, there's interesting social ramifications. SAT question 2017: Smallville is to ___, what Jonestown was to ____....

We're back from break and recap our -- Thank God -- smooth Thanksgivings with the family. This discussion prompts some memories of our closeted pasts. Dictionary.com reveals their Word of the Year, and it's a word that isn't in Trump's vocabulary. It looks like we're about to lose Net Neutrality, and we can't understate how bad this is for the future of the internet. Here's some sample language th...

Australians show us how voting is done. Congrats to the LGBTQ community down under! Literal. Fucking. Nazis. show up to protest in favor of a "white Europe" -- 60,000 of them, to be exact, because fuck this whole year. Want to stop your nudes from being posted online? Send 'em to Facebook, who will only post them to their cork board.  "Obesity is about to hit you across the face." Too late. One Sh...

We say goodbye to Kevin Spacey as he says goodbye to his career. The stomach-turning shooting in Texas has us grieving yet again. But we have reason to hope. Popular conservative Twitter accounts, like @Jenna_Abrams, have been outed as #FAKE. They were found to be created by the Russian government -- which isn't, by the way, only targeting conservatives. Papa John's goes apeshit and Amazon apparen...

Kevin Spacey fucks up bigly. (Since recording, HOC has now halted production) November 1st: be there, or be stuck with whatever health coverage you currently have.  New voicemails prove that regret is a universal feeling. News kicks off with #MuellerMonday and we. are. here for it. Twitter and Facebook announce they'll start labeling political advertisements to help users identify propaganda.  Hid...

Andrew goes full fuckin fanboi, Laura signs up for NaNoWriMo, and we all warn against the dangers of cucumbers. PSA: FOOD DOES NOT BELONG IN YA SNATCH Surprise, bitch! takes us to the scorching hellfire that is SoCal. The Distraction Game: a new and twisted kind of "leadership." A new study out of Yale uncovers at least one reason why socially conservative people are conservative - and how it's po...

Take a step back into time in lovely Pennsylvania, where sewing machines and malt shakes still = viable business model. Oh and btw 3 million Americans in Puerto Rico still don't have power or water.  California goes full Captain Planet on puppy mills. STOP USING ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP YOU'RE LITERALLY DESTROYING MODERN MEDICINE How are JFK and spontaneous human combustion related? Find out live, Octob...

Welcome to a special edition of The LANDY Show. Our other two bitches have lives, and we have podcasts, so who’s the real winner? Rape culture is insidious and present at all levels of of culture. WHO KNEW? (Harvey Weinstein sure did.) Every year is en election year and no one wants the hot potato of bump stocks to land in their hands. Nuclear winter is comin’. Ya know nothin’ Don Foe. Since we ca...

Our hearts ache for Las Vegas right now. And we would send them our thoughts and prayers, but thoughts and prayers are worth approximately nothing. We need gun control. Now. Help us, Justice Kennedy-- you're our only hope. The Supreme Court just heard oral arguments in a historic gerrymandering case and there seems to be room for optimism.  Is it possible for a show to have too many Trump jokes? T...

Andrew witnesses casual sexism up close and personal in a hotel elevator. Ruh roh. Surprise, bitch! digs into the uncomfortable dynamic between family, politics and Facebook. #triggered  America's predominant religion, football, comes under attack by President Fuckwaffle and we are NOT HAVING IT.  GANDHI WASN'T PROTESTING THE EFFIN FOOD YA'LL Tax reform, schmax reform Twitter announces it's consid...

With two more natural disasters this week, Andrew predicts The Big One is finally upon Los Angeles. West Coast Patrons: Please make sure your credit cards are up to date. Surprise, Bitch: Detroit ain’t so bad after all. A Canadian confesses that she’s jealous of America’s student loan systems. ~You can’t always get what you want…~ In the news: A White House lawyer makes a major mistake, and Toys R...

Introducing... the LANDY Show! Happy birthday to our favorite national tragedy. Where were you when Matt turned 16? Surprise, bitch! Can... can you hear us? We lament the end of the summer and all that makes life worth living. u say wot m8? this iphone is a wot? da fuq u mean there's too Go cut your teeth somewhere else, n00bs. Keep your filthy hands off Star Wars. Chocolate company Mars (M&Ms, Sk...