Memoir Snob

A conversation with the author of Twice Born: Finding My Father In The Margins Of Biography. We discuss: -The circular nature of writing a book -Deciding which details and anecdotes are relevant to the bigger story -How to write about our parents -What to do with memories that keep surfacing -The inclusion of fiction in memoir -Differences between memoir and biography -Thoughts on publishing -Book...

A conversation with the author of Such A Pretty Picture : Andrea Leeb was told by multiple agents that her book needed more reflection, more self-examination, because, they all explained, that’s what memoir is .  “I was really torn because I was just like, this is not what I want to write,” Andrea said of her book, Such A Pretty Picture . “...I took out—even up to the last minute—whole chunks beca...

A conversation with the author of Dispatches From The Couch: A Neuroscientist and her Therapist Conspire to Reboot Her Brain . When including flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, Stacey included questions she had at the time. These questions perfectly captured the confusion of the experiences, while at the same time showed just how young she was.  Was I wearing my hair in pigtails? Or did he brus...

A conversation with the author of The Maps They Gave Us. Wayne Scott refers to himself in the third person when discussing his memoir. I asked if that was a tool.  “Absolutely,” Wayne said. “Some of my most miserable experiences in writers’ critique groups have been when people were writing memoir, and as you’re having the conversation in the group they’re saying, ‘I did this, I did that.’ They’re...

A conversation with my editor, Michael Dean.  Our biggest tension, in the eighteen months we’ve worked together on my book, is Show vs. Tell . I want to show all the time with action, dialogue, examples, and stories but Michael says you can’t only show. You have to tell sometimes so the reader can make sense of what you’ve shown them. We discussed multiple examples of showing and telling, and what...

A conversation with the author of My Salinger Year. How many characters do you really need? Make a list. Every character needs to be fully-fleshed, each with their own motivations. In order to make them real, you need to find them interesting, complicated. You need to be curious. Then, you need to write from a place of love and cold-bloodedness at the same time.  “If you really want to write somet...

A conversation with the author of If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets : -When you include your thoughts that are unkind, immature, or that you’re embarrassed to admit, it’s funny and relatable.  “In the bedroom, I grab two boxes and throw in Perry's shirts, belts, ties, underwear, shorts, and pants, and dump them in the garage. Hopefully, they'll mildew.” -Sometimes you need an outside per...

A conversation with the author of It Must Be Beautiful To Be Finished. -The key to writing about someone you love who you’ve also been hurt by, is to write with empathy. Think about their perspective and their experience and be generous and loving when you do.  -Be wary of the please-feel-bad-for-me voice -Analogies should be both fresh and accurate -Metaphors written as standalone chapters, witho...

A conversation with the author of Happy To Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser. LINKS Books: Happy To Help When Did I Get Like This? Essay: Why I Didn't Want A Girl (originally titled: A Daughter At Last) Podcast: What Fresh Hell?  References: Mom 2.0 Conference Booked Author series Zibby Retreat (Santa Barbara)

Here’s what I learned from Happy To Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser by Amy Wilson: Include your fantasies. It’s especially funny if you can incorporate four levels in the build up to the punchline: First: set the scene—what’s about to happen Second: set the stakes—why is this a big deal Third: fantasy/a positive hypothetical of what’s to come Fourth: Dialogue/action of what actually transpire...

Memoir deep dive #21 Here’s what I learned from Here After by Amy Lin: One way to treat your audience like a genius is to not say the next obvious thing. Where can I leave out what the reader already knows is coming? One approach to this: in every paragraph I write, where can I remove the last sentence? “I stare at the blank ceiling tiles and wonder when Kurtis will call me. I have so much to tell...

Here's what I learned from Good Prose: The Art of Nonfiction by Tracy Kidder and Richard Todd: -When writing memoir, never insert present knowledge about your past if it means condemning your past self or celebrating your present self. -Avoid casual prose such as, "you know," or "bet you thought," or "ummm, hello?" This style of writing seeks instant intimacy with...

Here’s what I learned from my conversation with Sandy Schnakenburg, author of The Housekeeper's Secret : When you’re writing about a tragic or shocking event, one way to create suspense is to tease that something bad is coming. In the book she had a terrible accident on her bike, and at the beginning of the chapter a character calls out and tells her to be careful riding to school. From there unti...

Here’s what I learned from Long Live The Tribe Of Fatherless Girls by T Kira Madden: First lines should make the reader curious to read more. They can be surprising, specific, and/or present a conflict. It’s important to stay in moments longer by going deeper with details and going on tangents that add context.  Write unsparingly about yourself to get the reader to root for you—without disclaimers...

Here’s what I learned from Still Life At Eighty by Abigail Thomas: Revealing the dark parts of yourself in writing makes those things less scary and less powerful.  Simple, clear, no-frill writing can be just as powerful and moving as fancy prose. Lean into your style, whatever it may be.  Sometimes writing can just be keeping a log of your feelings and experiences. It might not be something to pu...

Here’s what I learned from My Salinger Year by Joanna Rakoff: How to write dialogue in a novelistic or cinematic way: Include details about the surrounding area. The weather, scenery, anything the characters interact with, other people in the room. This is especially useful at the start of the scene, and if/when the scene changes.  When you add context for the reader it should relate to the dialog...

Sam is back to discuss more marital arguments, though he insists they rarely argue while Charlie insists they argue plenty.

I submitted a personal essay to the New York Times weekly column, Modern Love. In this episode I talk about how I learned about the column, how I decided to submit an essay under my real name, and a little context for what the essay is about.  References: 39 Submission Tips for Modern Love  Estelle Erasmus interviews:  Noah Michelson   Joanna Rakoff Abigail Thomas Maggie Smith Cheryl Strayed

Here’s what I learned from three sobriety memoirs: The Night of the Gun by David Carr: Interview the people from your past. It doesn’t have to be formal or recorded. It could be as simple as a text message to see what they remember about the event.  This can accomplish three things:  It’s a way to add more details into your story.  It allows the person to feel like they’re a part of the process of...

Heres’s what I learned from Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp AND The Elements Of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth. Anaphora is when you start each phrase, sentence, or paragraph with the same word or words. But be careful: readers always remember the opening words but often forget the rest. So when using anaphora, be intentional about what you want to emphasize. Also, only using one word for the...

Do you want to write under a pseudonym or not? I have been writing as Charlie Bleecker for over four years. If you want to give it a real go, commit to it for a year.  Do my friends read my writing? No. Does my family read my writing? No. That is the whole point.  If you care at all about growing your audience in a time span of less than 10 years, don’t do it. What about support? It’s nice to have...

Here’s what I learned from Life On Delay by John Hendrickson: On Structure: When you open with a big event, where something big is about to happen, it creates suspense. The opening is a pivotal moment. There was life before this moment, and then there’s life after.  Around ¾ of the way through the book he comes back to this moment and finishes the story.  The life-changing moment is only the begin...

Here’s what I learned from How Tracy Austin Broke My Heart by David Foster Wallace: Rather than tell us how bad the memoir was, he lists eight (eight!) examples—all quotes from the book.  Later, he explicitly tells us how bad TV interviews of top athletes are, then gives two very long and detailed back-to-back examples to make his point.  The best memoirs are written by writers, and celebrity memo...

Here’s what I learned from My Fair Junkie by Amy Dresner: Amy Dresner is the second memoirist I’ve read who had a life changing moment with a breathwork teacher—Glennon Doyle was the first, in Love Warrior. So I found a breathwork person near me and did it! I don’t know if it was life changing but I definitely had a moment.  Character intros should have lots of specific details, and don’t be afrai...

Here's what I learned from Lost & Found by Kathryn Schulz: Create tension by pairing repetition with opposites. Add playfulness by pairing something literal with something figurative.  Show don’t tell: how can you show us you’re crying without telling us? Also… an update on my memoir!