Melrose Place Cast

Well, Mary continues to be offended by the offensive and offending episode titles - this one about Brooke playing the role of satan in a dripping dress from her accidental drowning. We get into it this week - more fan mail, this time involving a purple urn, ala Paul Bearer in 1996. We also discuss Matt, Allen, and the alleged lesbian involved in their relationship. We discuss Amanda and Bobby, but...

What a sad loss of potential it was for all of the Models, Inc. characters to be sent away when Hillary closed the business. Imagine, if you will, a scenario where David comes to LA, not knowing Amanda is his sister, and then...

This is the end, it appears, for Brooke. Everything important to her has been taken - her marriage, her feud with Alison, her job, her Daddy, her fiance, her baby, her house, it's all gone, gone gone. She falls, hits her head on the pool, and floats in the water. So....? Meanwhile, Jake manifests a garage, allowing us to have perhaps the best zinger of the series, "I'm sorry, did I pa...

Laugh all you want, but this show is getting better and better.  If they had a little more time, this would have had a run as long as Melrose Place. Cynthia's bulimia continues to worsen, causing her boyfriend to yell at her about her sexual assault in a public place and then break up with her at work as she is feeling lightheaded.  So his male feminist card is gone. Julie buys the movie...

Apparently, this was a play on the phrase "booby trap" - and it took Mary's English degree to figure it out. Bobby and Amanda are in mortal danger, although the end is not in doubt. Sydney is eating the most godawful bagel situation you could imagine. Even Michael is grossed out. Michael drugs Kimberly, and then is shocked that she doesn't want to get back together. Jane is recov...

After the bombing, Michael would have had every right to be turned away from women. After the false murder accusation and arrest, Matt would have had every right to be turned away from men. But look, fellas still have needs....

What's more offensive to the universe - Melrose Place's lack of a second comma in the title, or the fact that Jane's storyline is, and I hate to say this, interesting? Jane is mixed up with Sydney and Michael, plus a bit of Jo and Richard thanks to her paralysis. Sydney tries to shove her off into a nursing home, only to send her out into the ocean instead. Jake saves her. Speaking of...

Wow, the Melrose Place writers were not concerned about sensitivity with their episode titles this season. I wonder if we are eventually going to learn that Darren Starr was the one who prevented things like this for the first three seasons? We begin with Brooke's lifeless body being hauled out of her apartment, blood all over Billy, only for Peter to meaninglessly come down and say, "I&#...

Just a quick little interlude into your regularly scheduled program to share our deliberations on naps.

Either Teege's standards are dropping, or this show is heating up just as it was about to get canceled.  You listen in and decide. Monique is planning to scale back her wedding since Adam spent $5,000,000.00 on his divorce from Grayson to get her out of their lives for good.  (Spoiler alert: it didn't work!)  Grayson is now a co-owner of Models, Inc. and is sending Monique on junk s...

What a wildly inappropriate title. Jane is paralyzed from the drug-induced stroke thanks to Sydney. Kimberly gets Sydney to act as Jane's caregiver, meaning Jane, Sydney, and Michael are all living together in the Beach House like one happy family in an open relationship. Matt has a live in boyfriend now, so that's an escalation. Amanda and Peter continue the inevitable march towards a lov...

At long last, Mary is rescued from the basement and promises that today, on this good day, we will finally hear what happened to Puddle. Also, we find out who has been talking about us online. It's a Christmas Miracle!

In what was clearly a mid-season finale, Melrose Place amped up the drama! Sydney accidentally kills (?) Jane, with tranqs prescribed by Kimberly. Michael goes to a room full of doctors and demands that someone call 911 to ... get ... a ... doctor. Peter and Amanda continue to warm to each other. Jo has a change of heart about kicking Jane out of the business, but afterwards, Jane finds the paperw...

Well, we are dealing with disordered eating in the most offensive way possible.  In fact, the boyfriend who recognized the problem had the audacity to say, "you've never looked better."  So that's not great. There is some incredibly blocking - with three models, each in the same pose, on the same chair, on the same patio, reading the same book, lean forward in their chair in the same out...

The title makes virtually no sense. Maybe they mean two scheming redheads are together again? Who knows. Either way, here's the rundown: Alison is back on the sauce, and Billy is going to be there to rescue her just as he makes it clear to everyone that he now hates his wife. Amanda and Peter find their renewed romance threatened by Bobby Kennedy Jr. for some reason. The story line is difficul...

At long last, after literally two years of taking a small joke WAY too far, we have finally been able to crack the case. Puddle has been found, and those responsible ... well ... perhaps they're listening right now!

In what world is this an appropriate title for this episode? Join us for this, and other deep questions as we are firmly entering the middle of season four. Hayley is gone, Alison is now a formerly blinded alcoholic widow with presumably no place to live, Billy is about to be a daddy and Brooke is furious and an adult orphan. Amanda and Peter continue to progress, but Amanda is daydreaming about B...

Well, Adam turns out to be rather smart.  Something about getting shot through the heart with your own harpoon by your girlfriend/captive has a way of centering the mind.  He figures out that Ben and Grayson are in cahoots, and he sets up a scheme to catch them.  Grayson and Ben have Christmas Tree sex a generation before Lady Gaga's groundbreaking song of the same name, only for Be...

What a wild ride season four continues to be! Kimberly is finding her sexual liberation, by seducing people at the radio station and the bar. Jake and Shelly have quite the week! At the start, our notes say, "Shelly makes him breakfast at the cabin" and a few lines later it says "Shelly slashes at him with a butcher knife." So I don't think it's going to work out for th...

Throughout our journey searching for Puddle, the "other podcast hosts" have been prime suspects. This month, we are joined by Christopher, from Melrose Sheltering In Place who seems to have a lot of insights and details as to where Puddle has gone. Coincidence? Let's see. This is the end of the second year that the search for Puddle has been ongoing. Perhaps, at long last, it's o...

What didn't happen this week? Things continue to fly by at lightning speed. Amanda is at Jack's ... funeral? As in, he's at a funeral home, with a signboard with his name on it, but this isn't the real funeral. Amanda needs to sign a contract on the casket to send the body back to the family in Florida. Also, it's a closed casket, because they did not want to pay for another An...

Look, there's only one explanation - this had to be sweeps week. Come on board for this contentious episode. We recorded late, after a frustrating day, and Teege is audibly sick of it. But in the episode - we talk about storylines that could have been an entire season long, started, resolved, and forgotten, all in one episode. Haley proposes to Alison, she crashes in a plane, professes her lov...

KISS MY BUTT?!? Oh, the audacity of late-night television.  The coarseness of 90s nighttime soaps.  No wonder millennials turned out the way we (me, not Mary) did. This week, Sarah's drinking is back and she yells "kiss my butt!" at a hiring manager.  Cut to Hillary, all raggy, yelling it right back at her.  Sarah continues being drunk, gets fired from Models, Inc. - but still...

Things are just getting wilder and wilder. And we're not just referring to the actor who played Reed Carter / Adam Louder! Amanda is standing vigil at Jack's bedside, reasonably confusing the nurse into believing that Amanda is praying for a speedy recovery. Instead, Amanda whispers death threats in his ear, considers pulling the plug, and beats Jack until he dies, leaving Sydney in the do...

Would you believe it - after nearly two years, we have managed to find Puddle!  It is unclear from our tipsters if Puddle is alive or dead, either gifting his fortune to an unfortunate or blowing up with the unfortunate in a rocket elevator.  Either way, we are HOT ON THE TAIL of sweet, sweet, murderer of children Puddle. If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Pu...