Max, Mike; Movies

All right, Whiteman von Richington, let’s see the report on the most troublesome fraternity here at Max, Mike; University. Oh my . . . filling the school’s swimming pools with Bumpy Pucks . . . starting a ludicrous podcast series called . . . am I reading this right? “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” . . . sounds communist to me, and I should know: I’m a crusty old Dean! . . . doing in-depth analyses...

Well, our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series is drawing to a close with this, our penultimate episode and wow, we’ve kinda picked a “Whoops-All-Crunchberries” example of a quotable movie, as so dang much of this Abrahams, Zucker and Zucker production is, and has been, quotable. People who’ve never seen the movie quote it! So, we’re discussing it in our podcast. A podcast? What is it? It’s two s...

Episode 237 – Dumb and Dumber (1994) Well, hello, good folk! Welcome to another in our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series! Michael is just coming into the grand salon . . . oh, do be careful with that long two-by-four you’re balancing on your shoulder, Michael. Wait, don’t turn around! . . . Goodness, glad I ducked or you might have smote me in the noggin. What a silly mishap that would have be...

Hello, children. Hello. Welcome to Max, Mike; Storytime. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Today we’re reading a fairy-tale that’s a little different. I haven’t read this “Princess Bride” myself, but I’m sure it’ll be every so much fun. Let’s see, just skim over this, make sure it’s ok for the tiny tots . . . there’s the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. Oh, isn’t that nice? And she...

Ok, man, like, we’ve got another entry in “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” and man, I don’t know, it’s just really . . . y’know? I mean, it’s the Coen brothers, man, there’s beverages involved. You gotta pay attention; life does not start and stop at your convenience, Donnie! So give a listen and find out if there’s a rug that ties this podcast together or if we’re all just stuck in a nihilist world...

Ahhhhh, my dear detectives! So kind of you all to join us here at our little “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” soiree! We hope you’ve enjoyed the aperitifs and the sparkling conversation because . . . none of you are leaving here alive! Unless, that is, you can solve this mind-manglingly difficult puzzle we know set before you! Ahahahahaha! Yes, to solve this puzzle, you will need to solve a series o...

“To be or not to be . . .” “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven!” “Help! That dingo’s got my baby!” Ah, classic quotes! We do love them, don’t we? That’s why we here at Max, Mike; Movies have started a brand-new series entitled “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” dedicated to the most quotable movies that we happen to think of at the time. You know, those movies that give us memorable lines th...

Ahem. Hello. Thank you. The Moon. What is it? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary describes the Moon as “the earth’s natural satellite that shines with the sun’s reflected light.” There are many interesting things about the moon. It is 238,000 miles from the earth. Its mass is approximately 7.34 x 10 22 kilograms. And, as you all know, it is not a naturally occurring celestial body but rather an artifici...

In this, our penultimate “Disaster Porn” episode, we climb the very heights of the skyscraper that is Irwin Allen’s work. Yes, we work our way up the cinematographic staircases of this film, gliding up in the scenic elevators of plot, through the hideously decorated offices of cinematic wonder into the narrative sprinkler system of this work, one of the most successful films of 1974, a film that e...

 . . . and that was “Pony Love” by Bumpy and the Bumptones here on WMMM radio! Now over to Meteorological Max for the weather! Thanks, Mike, I’m here in Ol’ Choppy, the WMMM weather-eye copter and I gotta tell you folks down on the ground, you are in for one funky commute! What with the desalinization of the North Atlantic Current, we are seeing all kinds of kooky, zany superstorms today. Tor...

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale A tale of mighty ship That got hit by a massive wave and over it did flip Gene Hackman was the preacher man And Bognine was a cop Just how could they escape that ship When the bottom was the top? The bottom was the top. The stars, they started dying off Which ones, we shall reveal, So, Shelly Winters swam real far And Linda climbed in heels. Yes, how’d sh...

It’s a rare occurrence where an event occurs that a piece of “Disaster Porn” predicted and described but just within the past week, scientists as the University of Peking released findings saying that the core of the planet Earth (you know the one) was slowing down and could possibly reverse direction. Well, here at Max, Mike; Movies, we are nothing if not relevant so we are discussing the eerily...

Look at these foolish humans, K’lxfthmrq’zzz’tingting! See how they wallow in their foolish podcasts and their foolish so-called “Disaster Porn!” What foolish fools they are! Truly, they make my humor nodules harmonize most emphatically! How little they realize their peril as we prepare our Sinestron warriors in their Devestatrix ships to rain destruction down upon this miserable planet so that we...

Hide the pets! Sell the children! It’s another in our “Disaster Porn” series and this one is from that groovy, swinging era that got it all started, the 70’s! Far out, man! This one is “Earthquake”, man, and it’s too cool, you turkeys! Dig it! We ain’t fakin’! Whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on! No, they did NOT use that Jerry Lee Lewis hit as the haunting love theme for “Earthquake”, which was a big mi...

Welcome to our new series: “Disaster Porn”! Why? Because everyone loves porn! And everyone loves disasters! (don’t question me about either of those statements, dammit). So we thought, why not combine two great tastes . . . or two really horrible tastes, if you’re more “reasonable,” and do a series about it. Because, come on, isn’t there some part of you that agrees with Homer Simpson when he’s wa...

So, we come to the close of our “Monochrome” series, movies that were made back when the world was all in black-and-white, and we’re finishing up with a movie that is often considered a classic of science fiction. But is it? Is it REALLY? Or is that simply what our alien overlords WANT us to think? Get away from me, Mike! You think that just because we’re not doing our “Conspiracy!” series anymore...

What’s that you say, Clarence? You’ve come to me as we near the end of our “Monochrome” series to show me what my life would be like if Bumpy had never been born? Wow . . . what a gift. Maybe this is what it’ll take to get me accept that pony into my life . . . what’s that, there? They’ve invented a new Academy Award for Best Talking About Movies? And I would have won it four years in a row?! Wow,...

Oh no! Mike! This week’s episode of our “Monochrome” series is due to go up and we haven’t discussed any movies! We’re in hot water for sure! Quick, I’ll disguise myself as a strolling violinist while you put on this sailor suit and pretend to be an eight-year-old boy looking for his mommy! Then we’ll sneak into the boss’ hotel room and smear mayonnaise on all his neckties; he’ll be so upset that...

Well, as you might guess, we’re serving up this week’s edition of “Monochrome” with just a touch . . . OF EVIL! Oh yes, we can tell how surprised you are; you didn’t expect us to serve up our usually tasty podcast with just a hint, perhaps a smattering, nay, just a touch . . . OF EVIL! Cut me some slack, I never realized how much fun it is to add “… OF EVIL!” to the end of every sentence. Mike may...

More “Monochrome”-y goodness this week . . . well, when I say “goodness,” that may give you the wrong idea. Not in terms of quality but in terms of general tone and atmosphere.  We’re checking out a not-widely-seen film called “The Lighthouse” and apparently no one told the director that you could do movies in color or in widescreen (sshhh . . . don’t tell him, he’ll only get upset). Or maybe...

The rain was pounding down hard on the City of Beans, the kind of rain that can almost scrub the filth off the streets . . . but not quite. My partner and I were sitting in our office, staring at our agency name backwards on the glass door: sevitceteD; ekiM, xaM when suddenly . . . SHE clopped in. Another damn pony. Ponies are nothing but trouble; we both remembered our deceased third partner, Bum...

Thanks for joining us here in the land of light and shadow, our series on black-and-white movies called “Monochrome.” I mean, the series is called “Monochrome,” the movies all have their own titles. I think. Maybe there’s a movie called “Monochrome” and I just forgot . . . it seems like I forget so many things these days. I should stay home, not be with other people . . . it could make the madness...

Hello there, young ‘uns! Us folk here at Max, Mike; Movies got us a brand spanking new series, by cracky! And this time we’re doing PROPER movies, GOOD movies, made the RIGHT way, the way they USED TO MAKE ‘EM before all this new-fangled nonsense showed up. Yup, just like everyone secretly wants but no one will admit, we’re doing a whole series on black-and-white movies! Technicolor, Eastmancolor,...

[threatening music, sinister, menacing voice] Mike wants to be your Manchurian candidate. But what do we really know about this so-called “Mike”? Is that even his real name? And is he really his own man, or is he just a puppet for the sinister “Bumpy” cabal? On election day, don’t put your fate in the hooves of this shill for Big Pony! Mike: bad for Manchuria, bad for you. I’m Max and I approve th...

Welcome to Big Max and Big Mike’s House O’ Condors! Due to an ordering mishap that is entirely Mike’s fault (which is why he is currently the one wearing the Kooky Kondor suit), we’ve got WAY to much inventory in our condor warehouse! But our loss is your gain as we’re instituting Condor Days! That’s right, for three days only we’re slashing our prices so low you’ll think they’re going extinct (oo...