Marriage Lab

For 20% of a Connection Codes Masterclass, go to ConnectionCodes.co and use the code "ZINT20" We highly recommend these life changing courses from the Hills. We are excited to have Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill back on the podcast to talk about Sex! The Hills are the creators of the Connection Codes which has changed thousands of lives in helping couples and individuals alike understand h...

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron take some time to define vulnerability and talk about what it looks like to practice vulnerability in  relationships. Vulnerability is the act of revealing your internal world to another person, giving them access to affect you. This act is inherently risky but it is the only way to invite safety into the relationship. They also dive into the common obstacles to pr...

Jenna and Aaron review the growth and change in 2022 and discuss the keys to moving into the new year that is sustainable. Rather than attempting to change the parts of ourselves we don't like, we can attempt to love ourselves in those areas and experience the change we wanted all along. Check out Jenna's Habit Mastery Course coming up in January 2023! Sign up before registration closes....

Derek and Becky Johnson, pastors at Jesus Culture Sacramento, join us in this episode. They talk about Derek being a stay at home dad while Becky worked, what it was like when they began to work together (Becky as the Executive Pastor and Derek as the Worship Pastor), and then when Derek began to undo passivity in his life in a way that was disruptive to their normal but ultimately great for their...

In this episode, Aaron shares a recent experience of some painful emotions piling up and that even though other people, like Jenna, were part of the triggers, none of them were to blame. Furthermore, the fact that Aaron had some irrational beliefs were  no reason to shut down what he was feeling. Some key points from this processing were: We can be in pain and no one is to blame Your emotions don&...

Our new friends, Jeff & Betsy Kalte, join us to talk about how each of them being in their second marriage required new learning not just of this other person, but of themselves. Betsy vulnerably shares about learning to lean into trusting the safety and consistency of Jeff after believing on a deep level that marrying your best friend was just not possible. Jeff talks about growing into a new...

Check out Aaron's new book, Numb to Known ,  available on Amazon now! In this episode we share about the tough financial year we've had. Within that time we felt stress, fear, disappointment, new hope, excitement, new passions and a deeper connection than ever before. We share what it was like to be on the receiving end of generosity and the complicated feelings that arise as the result....

Warning: this episode is more sexually explicit than our average episodes. We are joined by Caitlin and Cole Zick, our friends and the directors of Moral Revolution. They share their 16 year sex story that in reality even predates them meeting. With not only medical conditions that kept sex from being enjoyable for Caitlin, she also had experienced years of sexual trauma as a teenager that made it...

Our friends, Gabriel and Debbie Mayes of themayesteam , join us to talk about how they went from being pastors and living in a 5000 sq ft house, to living in a 250 sq ft converted school bus as a family of 6, after Gabriel had had an affair. The beauty of God's redemption is how this devastating event caused both Gabe and Debbie to pursue their own healing and find new life for themselves and...

In this episode, we talk about what we've learned from Internal Family Systems (a therapeutic modality created by Dr Richard Schwartz) and the value it's brought in allowing us to bring compassion and curiosity instead of contempt to the parts of us that have damaging or unhelpful behavior. If we can learn to do this for ourselves, we will actually have compassion and curiosity for our s...

In this short but sweet episode, Aaron & Jenna talk about the small moment between stimulus and response (as Steven Covey puts it) when you have the ability to choose. This comes into play especially when we feel defensive in conflict with our spouse. Between feeling defensive and our reaction to it, we have the ability to choose to listen without defending ourselves, regardless of what we fee...

In this episode we interview our friends Angelo & McKenzie who vulnerably share with us the roles they played in their marriage for a number of years in which Angelo was the victim and McKenzie was the Rescuer (synonymous in this episode with "hero"). They share how these roles created some sense of comfort and yet kept them both stuck, Angelo without learning how to be powerful and...

In this episode we talk about how our personality and culture have shaped our normals and how those normals feel like absolute truths. The problem with viewing our normals as absolute truths is that it's a recipe for judgment and disconnection. We take this time to confess our own normals and how we've had a tendency to see the other's actions as value statements. We talk about how...

We're back for Season 3! In this episode we talk about the small habits we've implemented to feed into our connection with each other. The smallness of our habits pushes directly against the natural all-or-nothing mentality that we've traditionally approached every area of our lives with.  If you are wanting to grow your connection with your spouse, start small. It can be as simple...

We end this season still in the woods on our anniversary backpacking trip. Aaron shares a story about how he realized he wanted Jenna to feel like a failure and why he didn't want that to change. The key to opening the door to healing for them was in each of their willingness to engage Kindness and Curiosity instead of contempt. Jenna shares how she was able to locate her triggers with eating...

We're coming to you from up in the woods in this episode! We went backpacking for our anniversary and brought our podcasting equipment with us. It was worth the few extra pounds. We dive into our own journeys with engaging our inner scientist instead of the judge. The job of the judge is to pass judgment. You are either good or bad, right or wrong, guilty or not. The job of the scientist is t...

In this episode we talk with Dave and Jules Hill. They are the creators of HeartSmart ( https://www.heartsmart.family/ and https://www.heartsmartv.com/browse ) a curriculum for social and emotional learning used in over 500 schools around the world. We felt incredibly grateful for their vulnerability in sharing what Jules calls her unwinding that started about a decade ago. It was a painful season...

Michael and Lisa Kunz of KunzCoaching.com and TheDatingDiscovery.com join us this week. They talk about their marriage which is fairly young compared the 20+ year marriages they each had before their spouses died. They talk through their stories which had incredible parallels as they walked through grieving and trusting God after such a devastating experience. Their intentionality in pursuing an i...

In this episode, Jenna shares how her own journey towards health has paralleled Aaron's journey out of porn addiction. She vulnerably shares how her relationship to sugar was more than just a "sweet tooth" but a solution to the real problems that started in adolescence and continued into adulthood. She speaks to using sugar as a tool for comfort, reward and boredom and the core emot...

Our friends, Aaron and Casey Tesauro, share their journey in marriage of learning to be on the same team. For half of their marriage they would attack each other instead of the problem. Through counseling and a lot of intentional conversation they began to discover the pain behind problem and more specifically where that pain originated. They were both able to see the memories in each other's...

We're excited to have Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill back on the podcast to answer some of our burning questions around the connection codes protocols but also to discuss the idea of creating a sexual friendship with your spouse. In this episode the Hills mention an exciting offer that is limited. Enter to win a free Connection Codes Foundation e-course by going to connectioncodes.co/marriagelab ....

Our friends Shaun and Jessie Boyd share how these two very different people find connection and spot disconnection. They also share their practicing the Sabbath and the benefits of the rest it provides. We enjoyed our common bond of having lived with parents as a married couple and the various relational dynamics that can play out there. Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : Jun...

Our Georgia friends, Matthew and Katie Hale, share about how very different they are and how that shows up in the way they either easily or difficultly share their needs and emotions with each other. They talk about the growth journey and realizations they've come to as they've walked this out together. We also get a glimpse into the kind of bridal shower gifts that Jenna gives and while...

We interview our friends and neighbors Peter and Clare Mattis in this episode. They share about how they navigated their budding relationship during and after Clare's mom tragically passed away from cancer. They also dive into what Trust looks like in their relationship in a segment we'll affectionately call "This is Clare thing." Clare talks about working through her trust iss...

Our friends Jason and Lauren Vallotton join us to talk about their unique journey in marriage. When they met, Jason was a divorced pastor with three kids. Lauren on the other hand was single and had only dated a few times in the previous 6 years.  Their story of growing in relationship and then eventually marrying, her becoming and insta-mom to three kids is an incredible look into the difficulty...