Lowkey Chaotic

Before disappearing for summer, I wanted to leave you with one final thought: I think I'm tired of my own narrative. In this episode, we're talking about sobriety, growing pains, outgrowing old versions of ourselves, and why I think I've reached the point where I need fewer revelations and more experiences. Thank you for spending this season with me. See you after summer.

I met someone in LA and immediately found myself doing what so many of us do: trying to prove I was worth getting to know. In this episode, we're talking about validation, attention, self-worth, and why one person's indifference can sometimes outweigh the appreciation of hundreds of others. Because the question isn't why they didn't see us. The question is why we keep letting stran...

a little life update from california. in this episode, i share a realization i've been having about how my first relationship - and the abuse that existed within it - may have shaped my relationship to intimacy in ways i didn't fully understand until now. we also talk about procrastination, routine, perspective shifts, and a few things that have been making more sense lately.

This episode starts with me attending a physiognomy class and somehow ends with me unpacking wanting to feel understood. We talk about the loneliness of being hyper-observant, the difference between attention and recognition, and why so many women feel deeply unseen despite constantly being looked at.

The girl that used to willingly make very self-destructive choices still lives in me. Nowadays the craziest things I do are nothing compared to who I used to be… but she still lives in me. And she came out a little this morning.

I get into: hypervigilance and constantly reading between the lines feeling like you have to “solve” every interaction internalized shame and always assuming you’re the problem and how these patterns might come from the environments we grew up in This episode is about what happens when awareness turns into self-blame and why everything can start to feel personal, even when it’s not.

It’s interesting how loud people get when it comes to correcting misinformation but where is that same energy when the information is actually correct? An episode about how statistics can become a convenient escape and how the focus shifts from the point to the detail.

Apparently I’m pro-cheating now. All because I said that cheating once doesn’t make you a horrible person forever and people did not like that. So let’s unpack it. What even is cheating? Why does it trigger us so deeply? Why do we need it to mean something so clear? And why are we so uncomfortable with the idea that people are more than their worst moment? This isn’t about defending cheating. It’s...

In this episode, I talk about the fear of being seen, why we’re so scared of being cringe, and how it’s affecting the way we connect with each other. From moral superiority online to constantly judging each other, to feeling like everything is “too much” or “too weird” - it feels like we’ve created a culture where it’s safer to perform than to be real. (and in the spirit of all that: my debut sing...

I quit drinking and thought everything would get better. Instead, I realized alcohol was never the problem - it was depression. In this episode, I talk about what depression has looked like for me, what sobriety actually reveals, and why I’m questioning whether I want love… or just someone to fix how I feel.

I went down a rabbit hole of research on why humans kiss and what might actually be happening in that moment - from biological signals our bodies pick up subconsciously to the complicated dance between chemistry and compatibility. Because sometimes your body knows something your brain hasn’t figured out yet.

This conversation is rooted in my perspective as someone who was lucky enough to be born and live in a country where women have basic rights. But there are millions of women around the world who still don’t. If you’d like to support organizations working to change that: Malala Fund — https://malala.org Equality Now — https://www.equalitynow.org

A reflective episode about sobriety, escapism, and the slow journey towards self-love. I share my experience quitting weed after eight years, my relationship with alcohol, and how my understanding of discipline and self-respect has evolved over the past two and a half years.

This is a conversation about how, during sex, women often perform pleasure, comfort, and emotional regulation, while men perform control, composure, and stamina - roles shaped by culture, language, and expectation. We talk about performance vs presence, the aggressive language we use to describe sex, emotional labor during intimacy, and the feeling of being an experience instead of sharing one.

I didn’t stay because I was stupid. I stayed because the pain and relief cycle is addictive. A raw conversation about abuse, self-abandonment, and choosing someone else over yourself again and again.

I feel rejected all the time. Not just when the guy i caught feelings for ends things. Also when someone texts me with a dry tone. Or doesn’t reply. And it feels embarrassing to have such big feelings about such small things. So let’s unpack rejection.

As women, we’re constantly monitoring ourselves: on dates, in relationships, and in bed. This episode explores self-surveillance in dating and sex, why transactional intimacy can feel safer than romance, and why even with safe, respectful partners, being fully present can still feel impossible.

A deeply personal and cultural deep dive into why women are taught to believe they love too much and why that was never true. From heartbreak and sensitivity to situationships, ghosting, and emotional detachment, this episode is about reclaiming your heart, trusting your instincts, and remembering that you were never broken. You were just loving in a world that taught men to love too little.

Let’s talk about kinks. About desire and shame. About power, safety, and what it means to feel truly seen by someone. In this episode, I share what I’m learning about wanting, boundaries, trust, and intimacy and why desire is never as random as we think.

“Fuck her till she falls in love”  is a phrase that gets thrown around casually as a joke, a warning, or a dismissal. This episode takes that cliché apart. Instead of framing women’s attachment after intimacy as weakness or lack of control, we look at what’s actually happening beneath the surface: nervous system responses, cultural conditioning, and the power dynamics that shape how closeness is e...

In this episode, I talk about endings that don’t happen on your terms, how women are conditioned to cling to the “good guy” in dating culture even when he doesn’t fulfill all their desires, and the nervous system - how it bonds to patterns, why it doesn’t care about timelines or logic, and how it shapes the way we experience loss.

Situationships suck. Good people exist. Clarity is care. Endings are okay. And I broke my foot yesterday.

Modern dating feels tense because women and men are responding to completely different realities. This episode unpacks that divide - the patterns women grow up noticing, the stakes we carry into adulthood, and the context men were never taught to see. Not to blame anyone, but to finally make the gap visible.

I lost myself in my ex. Everything he did or didn’t do determined how I felt, who I was, and how I showed up. And now that I’ve started dating again, I’ve realized how scared I am of slipping back into that version of myself. In this episode, I talk about how past patterns show up in new situations, how your nervous system remembers things you think you’ve moved on from, and what it looks like to...

In this episode, I talk about something I genuinely didn’t think was possible for me: having casual sex and actually feeling normal afterwards. No crashing out, no obsessing, no over-analyzing. I get into why this happened, how our nervous systems form patterns around intimacy, and what childhood, attachment, and familiar pain have to do with it. If you’re someone who usually panics after intimacy...