Love Over Addiction

There is a very common issue in the world of addiction called dry drunk . It's when someone is actively refraining from drinking, but still displaying signs of selfishness, stubbornness, lack of accountability, and blame. And it's shocking because for so long you've thought if they just got sober everything would be better. If they just got sober, they would turn into the loving, kind person they...

Rehab can be the best thing that has ever happened to someone trying to get sober. And for many brave men and women, it is the starting point for their sobriety. Others come home and are back to their old ways within days. But there seems to be a growing trend happening that I want to talk about.   Many women in the Love Over Addiction program are telling me that the ones they love are coming home...

I was talking to a wonderful and wise woman who has joined the Love Over Addiction program , and she was telling me a story about her husband who lied to her about his drinking. She walked in on him sitting in his office and sensed that he had been drinking again. She confronted him and he denied it. So she picked up the glass and said, "What is this?" He told her it was Coke and swore there wasn'...

Last week I was speaking with a woman who booked a personal coaching call with me. She was feeling stuck, and she wanted to leave but couldn't bring herself to imagine ACTUALLY leaving. She was looking for a breakthrough that would convince her that leaving or staying was the "right thing to do." I told her, don't worry about getting to the finish line today. Just figure out the next 3 steps. For...

Let's be real, loving someone who drinks too much or suffers from substance abuse can feel like the opposite of a blessing. But one of the things that make our community different is that we refuse to just talk about the dark sides of this disease. Many, many blessings come out of a complicated relationship. And today, I want to talk about one of them. I am divorced. And I was the one who chose to...

Do you feel exhausted from loving someone suffering from addiction? Are you worried about the one you love so much your heart hurts? Are you wondering how to help them get them sober or convince them they have a problem and need help? Do you wonder if they will ever change? When you love someone suffering from addiction, the list of worries goes on and on. All that worrying can take a toll on our...

The other day, my husband and I were celebrating a special event. We came home, got our pajamas on, tucked the kids into bed, and prepared for a cozy evening in. I was standing in our bathroom washing my face and he walked in with a drink. And all of a sudden I felt a feeling I hadn't experienced in years. My stomach got tight and I felt a little lump in my throat. As I mentioned, we had been out...

A woman in our community told me she's heard some mothers say it's easier for wives who love someone suffering from addiction or alcoholism because they can leave their husbands, but a mother's role never ends. And I lovingly disagree. True, a married couple with no children can divorce and never speak again. So can a married couple who had a child together. And so can a mother who needs to step a...

If you're married to someone who leaves the house to hang out with his or her friends or who stops at the bar on the way home and you're wondering why they don't want to spend time with you (and the kids, if you have any) I want to ask you a question about a bad habit you may have picked up. And before I ask you, it's important to know that the reason I ask is because I used to have this very bad...

A while ago, I went skilling with my family in Whistler, Canada, and when I came back I just didn't feel like myself. I would wake up in the morning feeling exhausted after an 8-hour sleep. I kept thinking it was jet lag, but weeks went by and I just never felt better. A few years ago I had gone in for some blood work and the doctor noticed some of my levels were high.  Turns out, I was diagnosed...

When you love someone suffering from addiction is it ok to drink around them? Sometimes it's easy to say "no, thank you" when we're asked if we would like a glass of wine or pretty beverage since we have grown to hate the very substance that's tearing our family apart. But other times, we wonder… am I enabling him if I drink around him?  If I'm telling him not to drink should I avoid people drinki...

I love to remind you how strong and courageous you are.  I choose these adjectives for two reasons: one--I know they are true about you and two--this disease tries (and sometimes succeeds) at making us feel weak and helpless. But if you're the type of woman like me who always feels like she has to be strong, who takes problems head on and is constantly looking for solutions, sometimes, just someti...

The other night I was folding laundry - that's a daily chore with a large family… thankfully, I have a very nice laundry room where I can watch the kids in the pool or playing in the backyard while I fold and stack. I was in the middle of moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer and I was thinking of you (because I spend a lot of my time thinking of you) and I had a thought that made me sto...

The Love Over Addiction Secret Facebook Group is filled with women who are some of the most loving and encouraging women I've ever meet. We are a sisterhood who is bonded together by the fact that we love someone suffering with addiction. This disease can do a really good job of keeping us isolated and alone.  But there is something so healing and powerful when you're surrounded by a group of wome...

This week we're going to answer the question: why do I stay in an unhealthy relationship?  But... before we get started, I want to make something clear.  I will never tell you to stay or leave. There are many women in this community who choose to stay in their marriage and it works for them. And there are women who leave. My goal for this community is to get YOU healthier and happier so you can ma...

As most of you know, I have a blended family. I have given birth to 4 children. And I'm about to share with you a story that at first glance might not seem like it has a lot to do with drinking or addiction, but hang with me and I promise I will get there. Over the last 3 years I have done almost everything to get my stomach flat. I have thinner legs and arms but I have been "blessed" to carry ALL...

A few weeks ago we discussed intimacy while loving an alcoholic or substance abuser and I covered what to do if you would rather not be intimate with the one you love. This week I'm going to go into a little more detail because of all the questions I'm receiving. You're going to learn if alcohol or drugs can kill their sex drive - and lead to ED (erectile dysfunction - blush), what to do if they'r...

Sometimes the disease of addiction can bring out the worst in us. We can feel angry they keep lying to us. Or depressed because they keep choosing drugs and alcohol over their marriage and family. But if you take away all the dysfunction that addiction adds to the family, if you remove those layers, you will discover a gentle and loving woman with an open heart and the thoughtfulness to give. You...

Last week, I answered a question from one of our loving, strong women in our Secret Facebook Group. I love this group. I'll admit... being the introvert I am, I'm not usually one to join groups. So when I started adding free access to the group when you join one of our programs , I really wondered - are women actually going to find this helpful? And, boy, do they ever. It's a safe place (with no j...

This week we're going to be talking about a subject that makes some people (most people) feel uncomfortable. Intimacy (or in other words: sex). Intimacy can be difficult when you love someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction. If you're married to a man who drinks or uses drugs in the evening - often times you might be looking to have a moment and they are passed out or out with "frien...

There is a new movement going on about addiction - men and women who are in recovery are speaking out about their addiction. They are trying to break the stigma that addiction is a shameful disease and something we need to keep a secret. And I am so amazingly proud of all the ones who are brave enough to publicly declare their victory (or journey to victory) over addiction. There are so many benef...

What do we do when the one we love keeps choosing drugs and alcohol over us? Most of us feel angry and rejected. Some of us choose to react to our anger by shoving it down inside. Others lash out. Neither option is good. So what do we do with all the anger that seems like it comes along with this disease? How do we get back to a place of joy? Here's the first truth I need to you hear. It was writt...

In this community, we give you a lot of tools to help you feel happiness and joy whether your partner gets sober or not. We don't believe the common theory that says we're powerless over this disease. There are many things we  can do that will take our power of choice and confidence back from the awful disease that steals it. We don't just throw our hands up in the air and say, "Oh, well. I just h...

My family and I are thinking of moving to Nashville. This really isn't something we all  want to do, but it's a move that we are feeling  called to do. There are a millions reasons why moving to this beautiful town makes sense. We could go from five schools to two. We would have way more options for a thriving church. Even the cost of living would go down. There are so many benefits. But here's th...

When I was married to a good man suffering from this disease , I went to the bookstore on a regular basis looking for books about how to help my husband get sober. What I found was tons of stories and memoirs about brave men and women who have struggled with addiction and found a way to get sober. But there were no stories about the women who loved them. So late one night when I was in the booksto...