Love Over Addiction

The Harvey Weinstein case came about several months ago, and one of the women in our community and I were talking about it. She said, "You know, Michelle, I feel like this is an opportunity for us to address such a common problem." I have a done a lot of research to prepare for this post because I take this topic very seriously. Did you know that abuse thrives in isolation and that 50% of men in r...

Isn't it frustrating when you love somebody who seems so out of control and you don't know how to help? Your heart hurts for them. They are hurting your heart, and you just need help. I remember being that woman and loving a very good man who was so full of potential. He was very good looking, super popular, and could do calculus in ninth grade as well as write poetry. He was the full package. And...

Addiction thrives on the fact that it can mess with our minds. We get confused and feel guilty when our expectations are not met by our partner, particularly when we love a good man or a good woman who's suffering from this disease. We start to think, "Is what I'm asking for too much? Are my expectations too high? Is what I'm craving something normal, or should I not be asking so much from my part...

Deciding whether to stay or leave is an extremely common topic in our community. You can't blame us, right? We long for the day addiction will let go of the one we love so dearly, but we're not sure how much more we can take. Today I want to tell you about a tool that is available to you, but it's not brought up often. This tool is a wonderful way to help you determine what you want for your futur...

Detaching is a big buzzword in the recovery community. I hear a lot from the women in our secret Facebook group that detaching with love is almost impossible because it requires you to remove your emotions from the situation and from the outcome. So, let's say your loved one starts making bad choices by having a few drinks. Your instant reaction is to get upset and to feel like you've been punched...

I'm a big fan of Brené Brown . In one of her books, she talks about being vulnerable, and she has a rule that I'm about to break. The rule is that you don't speak of the things you are vulnerable about in public until you've actually worked through them and given them space to heal. I think that's wonderful advice. I'm a big believer in that. But I'm going to break that rule because I feel such a...

We offer a secret Facebook group for women who have joined one of our programs . It's filled with over 1,000 women from over 132 different countries around the world. The Facebook group is a wonderful tool, and I love popping in there and seeing what you are all talking about and how you are all encouraging each other. But there is something that is disturbing me. And I'm going to be real and hone...

If you love someone suffering from addiction, you might feel like you're on a roller coaster ride. One minute you feel angry, the next guilty, and then maybe you're worried. It's a constant cycle that's never-ending. And all the chitter chatter in your head never shuts up. Even when you're standing at the stove stirring the pasta you're making for dinner, in the back of your mind you're really twi...

Our community in the Secret Facebook Group are some of the most loving and thoughtful women I know. Every time I read their posts I am blown away by their wisdom. Every now and then I like to share a question one of the women asked the group because I think a lot of us can relate. If you would like to become a member of our private and confidential community, it comes free when you join one of our...

The moment I knew I needed to leave. I had been waiting for this moment for years and years. Even through all the verbal abuse, the name calling, the shaming, the lying and the manipulation, I still clung to hope. I still loved him and I loved the idea of our family staying together. But somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I knew there might come a day when I needed to leave. But my heart wasn'...

I used to paint for fun.  I used to be silly and laugh a lot. I was confident in a room full of other people and I was adventurous and had a great group of friends. That's who I was before I fell in love with a wonderful man suffering from addiction.   And slowly, over time, the confident, joyful woman he was attracted to became insecure.  I lost my friends because going out meant that I couldn't...

He had to work late and wouldn't be home for dinner. So, my three children and I sat around the table and ate lasagna and salad without him. When my blonde haired, blue eyed six year old son asked where daddy was, I told him that he was still working. The words coming out of my mouth sounded truthful, but my gut knew they were lies. I had been lied to so many times by the man I was madly in love w...

There is so much debate these days about leaving or staying with someone who's addicted.  Everybody has an opinion. Your mom, your therapist, the guy who wrote that book, your pastor. But do you know who I think has the most judgmental opinion about the choice to leave or stay with the one you love who is struggling with addiction? You.   You shame yourself for wanting to leave.   How could you br...

So you love someone who is suffering from addiction? Welcome to our club. We are a group of strong and tenderhearted women from all over the world who are united by our love for someone who keeps hurting us. We are in just as much pain as the one who stays up late to look at porn, or snorts the line, who drinks too much, swallows the pills or gambles our money away. We love good people who make ba...

Let's be real with each other. It's hard to keep up with all the different ways your loved one treats you, isn't it? You might have a tender moment in the car and reach for their hand and you're reminded of why you feel in love with them in the first place. They might be funny and cracking you up when you both are standing at the kitchen counter talking about your day. Or you might share a thought...

Talking with your kids about addiction is extremely important. Your children are a lot wiser and perceptive than you think. They might not know drinking, drugs, pornography, or infidelity are going on under your roof, but they know when things don't feel right. But you might be wondering... How do we communicate without worrying them? How do we tell them the truth without upsetting our partners? W...

Do you ever feel angry because the one you love has an issue with drugs, drinking, pornography, gambling, or sex? I bet if you were being honest with yourself you would say, "Yes, I do feel angry sometimes." Now, let me ask you another question: Do you feel guilty about feeling angry? When you deal with anger, do you turn into an out-of-control crazy lady saying things that you regret later? Or do...

When I was married to a good man who struggled with addiction , one of my biggest battles was comparing my marriage to my friends', family's, and even strangers' relationships. There was one evening when I was on a date night with my husband. waiting to be seated at a Italian restaurant. I was nervous that he was going to order a drink because, as you know, one drink leads to two that leads to thr...

The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to let go and surrender, but I never really understood how. The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. So what's the opposite of surrendering? Controlling. Let me ask you a question, and I promise it...

New Year's Eve is a night of the year that painfully reminds us of the unique relationship of loving someone who drinks too much or has substance abuse issues. Here are four tips that will help make this holiday a little easier: Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Don't worry if other people are judging you because of your partner's disease. You are a beautifully created, loving woman. Your s...

Holidays… when you're married to a man who drinks too much or suffers from addiction they can be difficult, can't they? You're hoping for the best. You're praying they will stay sober so you can have a beautiful, warm, and loving holiday.   Maybe you're planning on visiting with family and they don't have any idea how bad things have got at home. Or perhaps you have children and you just want thei...

Here's a post that came from our Secret Facebook Group that is full of THE most loving and encouraging friends. There are over 800 women waiting to lift you up and cheer you on. I think you'll find one of our sister's personal story a tremendous encouragement. Recently, I had a falling out with both my mother (who abandoned me twice and is a narcissist and a dry drunk ) and my sister in law (meddl...

Because this post is so good, it only needs a short introduction from me in addition to saying it's written by one of the women in our Love Over Addiction Secret Facebook Group. I know you'll find hope in her story. Enjoy! If someone had told me a year ago that 2017 would be the year I found true happiness, I would've been hopeful, but not very trusting or optimistic. If someone had told me that i...

How do you trust your partner again? Can it ever be possible? Or will you always worry and constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop? Trusting again is entirely possible. You can, and you should, trust the one you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. If you can't trust them, you'll end up exhausted from the constant anxiety that they will disappoint you again.   So how do yo...

Are you worried about your partner drunk driving? When you ask them for the keys, do they refuse? Do they try to convince you that they are fine? They might tell you they have spread out their drinking over the night, or that they only had beer and not liquor. Or perhaps they are abusing drugs and you can tell they are high and shouldn't get behind the wheel. A few months ago, I wrote a blog post...