Krynoid PodCast

"Nobody wants you. Nobody needs you. Nobody cares!" Well that's the review of  Timelash  done then. Nevertheless, Jim and Martin gently tap themselves into the unrealistic Kontron tunnel of the title to see if they can't discover a gem or two. Baker's baubles get harnessed and Peri unleashes her inner damsel in distress, while Avon dons a Dick 3 wig and channels Henry Irving. The toga-togged Karfe...

"Something is coming to our village... something very wonderful and strange." So is the Davison two-parter The Awakening "wonderful and strange"? Well the sets are certainly wonderful and there are some rather strange goings on in Little Hodcombe. There's a bad-wigged nutter with a tinclavic stress ball, a one-eyed beggar with a penchant for ladies' handbags and Ben Wolsey's infamous Reproduction...

"The age of man is over, Doctor. The age of the virus has begun."   Oh dear. Time to run this file through McAfee then? No. Fret Not. These words are spoken by a giant prawn to a Time Lord, just after exiting his body through his tear duct. Yes, this can only be Tom Baker's bonkers brain-centric epic, The Invisible Enemy. Wherein the Doctor and Leela, in reduced circumstances, wander about inside...

"I have my own methods... I keep my my eyes open and my mouth shut."   Sadly Jim and Martin don't, and consequently bang on at some  length here about 1967's chilling Troughton tale, The Tomb of the Cybermen.   It's a four-episode epic involving awful accents, anxious archaeologists and cute and convenient handbag-size hit-mice.   Gasp as Victoria falls asleep, Jamie falls into a trance and the Do...

"He's not the Great One. He's the Insignificant One. If you're going to have someone imitate Kroll, it ought to be more convincing."   Yes, it's everyone's worst Christmas nightmare – an enormous Brussels Sprout with its accompanying surfeit of methane. Only this time it's a giant squid god who menaces a model, gives a Time Lord a tentacular tourniquet and reminds some Swampies that it really isn'...

"I had to do what I did. It was my moral duty. You do understand, don't you?" Naughty General Carrington tries to justify his nefarious programme of kidnap, murder and the pursuit of pregnant women in the 1970 astronaut caper, The Ambassadors of Death . Jim and Martin discuss displaced Frenchie faces, play spot the unborn head and debate the nutritional value of an isotope breakfast. Who is the co...

Jim's brother, Rob, trails the forthcoming Ambassadors of Death episode of the Krynoid Podcast. Creating the trailer before Jim and Martin even had their discussion, he makes some rather uncanny predictions...  

"Take them to the Security Kitchen!"   Perhaps the Universe's only combined containment and mass catering facility can be found on The Ark , the location of the 1966 Hartnell space opera of the same name.   Jim and Martin walk its corridors to find humans in their underwear and the Fab Four (along with the Groovy One, the Trendy Two and the Gear Three), all suffering horrendously bad hair days.  ...

"Do you think bullets could stop me now? You stinking offal Morgus! Look at me!!" So says a man in a gimp suit deep in the blowholes of Androzani Minor. Yes, Jim and Martin take a look at Peter Davison's last hurrah and finest hour as he goes through hell to save Peri in the 1984 classic The Caves of Androzani. There's soldiers, gunrunners, androids, a rubbish monster, a revenge-seeking hairy-hand...

"Harry Sullivan is an imbecile!" Harsh words perhaps but the salty surgeon did nearly kill the Doctor… twice. Yes, it's the 1975 space opera, Revenge of the Cybermen , in which our intrepid TARDIS team battle a slimy U-Boat commander, an emotional silver giant and a horde of mad blinged-up old women. The Doctor's narcoleptic, Harry's apoplectic and Sarah may well go septic so take the slow train w...

"Oh shame!" Just Brigadier Winifred Bambera's catchphrase or also a two-word review of the 1989 Sylvester McCoy story, Battlefield ? You decide as Jim and Martin sit huddled in No Man's Land while iffy dialogue, dodgy acting and poor special effects zing past their tortured eyes and ears, only finding solace in their most puerile running gag yet. They ponder weighty issues such as the merits of fi...

" I always find that violent exercise makes me hungry. Don't you agree?" Yes, Gallifrey's very own silver-haired and rather wrinkly James Bond is at it again in 1972's salty six-part saga, The Sea Devils . Jim and Martin marvel as the Doctor frolics above, on and below the sea, Jo fights, frets and flies a hovercraft and the Master shows off most of his wardrobe (string vests strangely absent). Mr...

"Fail me and you will breakfast on burning coals!" Count Federico introduces Renaissance Italy's hot new diet sensation in the 1976 pseudo-historical epic,  The Masque of Mandragora . The fourth Doctor and Sarah wander round The Village watching look-unlikes fighting and mounting horses, while avoiding executioner's swords, sacrificial knives and cockernee pikemen's pikes. Gert and Daisy get chain...

They say "when in Rome, do as the Romans do". But Barbara wants no part of what Nero wants to do and Ian has had a belly full of orders from the expansionist Italians. The Doctor and Vicki, meanwhile, have a great time lying about lyres and nearly poisoning a despot but it's no surprise when it all goes up in flames. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and a...

The Doctor and Romana find themselves slumming it in a pocket-sized parallel universe. Worse still, they land on the home world of - loathe him or hate him - that Alzarian irritant, Adric. Chuck in a few indecisive Deciders, some evolving arachnids and a bunch of amphibian Gumbies, and it's another trying jaunt for our two intrepid Time Lords. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcast...

The Doctor is still on trial with the Time Lords and this is his dubious evidence for the defence. Finding himself in a garden centre canteen in space with an unintroduced companion, the Doctor meets an old acquaintance, an elderly Avenger and some arboreal enemies. Warning: this episode ends with two over-refreshed old farts moaning (at some length). This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple...

The Doctor takes Tegan back to see some of her history with the usual unwelcome results. Is King John quite himself? Why is he so keen on meeting Demons? And, more to the point, why does he employ a barely disguised renegade Time Lord with an outrageous accent? This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

The Doctor saves Jo Grant from a date with Mike Yates but at what cost? The intrepid pair find themselves in a medieval mise en scene and encounter several forms of green galactico, including Ice Warriors, Arcturus and phallic fraidy cat, Alpha Centauri. But who is the real villain? This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we...

The Doctor and K9 have a Time Lady forced upon them and are sent on a quest for some lumps of perspex. They find the first on a parky planet but, before they can get their hands on it, they have to contend with a couple of conmen, a whack job warlord, a rubbery reptile and a mad old dear with antlers. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatc...

The Universe's least favourite motorised dustbins are back and this time they've come to papa. They're hoping devious daddy, Davros, will cure their lurgy but Ol' One Eye, with the questionable help of Dirty Den, has other plans. It's up to the Doctor and co to bat off Bob Ferris and save the day. But not everyone will make it back to the TARDIS... This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Po...

The Doctor and Leela's day trip turns into a nightmare when they wind up at a wave-lashed Edwardian lighthouse. Throw in a selfish toff, an hysterical harridan and a homicidal Brussels sprout and you have the perfect recipe for a sleepless night. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

In a future world where men (almost) wear their y-fronts outside their jump suits, T-Mat is the mode of travel du jour . But when a troop of myopic Martians mince into a moon base, it's time for the Earthmen to polish their rockets and get ready for a foam party that'll put Ibiza to shame. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatchers (as far...

This time it's all change as Sylvester McCoy with a wig regenerates into Sylvester McCoy without a wig. The Rani cosplays as Mel Bush while the Doctor plays the spoons (and the fool) and the whole thing can only be described as batfood crazy. This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

Roving reporter, Sarah Jane Smith, gets more of a scoop than she bargained for when she gatecrashes UNIT's scientist sleepover. But although she meets a roistering robber baron, a lily-livered lord and a stranded space toad (not to mention Dot Cotton and Boba Fett), she fails to get an interview with any of them.

The First Doctor and chums go for a whistle-stop tour of the wonderful world of Marinus. Which is a great holiday venue, providing you avoid its cities, mountains, seas and jungles. And the intrepid traveller should also beware of flappy-footed gimps, trouserless tour guides, randy trappers and the Knights Who Say "Ni".