Krynoid PodCast

"Well thank you, Brigadier! But do you think that for once in your life you could manage to arrive before the nick of time?" I'd leave it another half hour next time if I was you, Brig. Yes, the third Doctor is being as pleasant as a fart in a spacesuit again, this time in The Mind of Evil - a six-part saga of surprised screws, conniving cons, a bucket of evil and 1971's Cigar Smoker of the Year....

"It's not exactly dull travelling with the Doctor." Not normally, Tegan. Not normally... But this is the season 19 closer, Time-Flight , in which the Doctor seems to be under heavy sedation, OmNyssia knows all the answers, Tegan remains an air hostess (not that she ever hints at this) and Adric is still dead (mercifully). The Master is at large too, coercing a plane-full of extras into caressing a...

"Usually I only entertain friends in the TARDIS." Everyone off to the tinselled Type 40 then for some serious wassailing! Like all the best parties, we'll no doubt end up clustered around the food machine. Yes, it's our snow-capped Christmas 2015 edition in which Jim and Martin cast their occuloid trackers over the 1975 Tom Baker space epic (Forbidden) Planet of Evil and then appraise - but not un...

"Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly and in the right order?" No, not a comment from one of our long-suffering listeners but one of the many amusing lines from Vincent and the Doctor , in which the Doctor tilts at wind, Amy is a typical Brit abroad (either shouting at or chatting up the locals) and Alan Van Gogh puts his paintings to a variety of (un)sanitary uses. Our heroes dodge mar...

"Okay. Not sure but really, really hoping... pants?" No, not your hosts feeling their presents on Christmas morning but the ludicrously-named Laurence Nightingale in the much-lauded Blink - a tale of kinetic statues, exploding hens, dumbfounding DVD extras and a pro-celebrity wedding. And it prompts a number of burning questions... Is it really possible to be unsure of your underwear status? Is Ma...

"This is called The Bootstrap Paradox. Google it." So now we have to do some homework before settling down to our favourite programme? Maybe not, as we get an explanation of what's going to happen before (and after) we watch it happen in  Before the Flood.  Oh for the simpler if more claustrophobic pleasures to be found  Under The Lake. And our pre-titles primer also involves the fourth wall of th...

"Supreme Dalek... your sewers are revolting!" B'dum tish! He's here all week, laydeez 'n' gen'lemen... For the next ten weeks, in fact. Yes, the Doctor's back on our screens and straight into in a touching but mutually mendacious bromance with Ole One-Eye (or is that Three-Eyes now?) Davros weeps, the Doctor shreds, Missy larks about and Clara has a communication breakdown, albeit in familiar surr...

"That would have created what I believe is called 'consumer resistance'." True dat, Davros. Much as many people would like to get rid of the occasional relative, eating them rarely presents itself as a viable option. A Marxist stand-up masquerading as a crap Dee- Jay  is also likely to put off customers (even the comatose ones), while melting mutants, hybridised heads and flying Kaled fingers migh...

"Let's hope the piano knows it." Merely false modesty from virtuoso ivory ticklers Steven "Regret" Taylor and Dodo "Dodo" Chaplet as we soon discover in the horse-flop flecked epic,  The Gunfighters . The Doctor ("Caligari") has a busted tooth extracted but that ain't the only malfunctioning thing coming out of anyone's mouths in this one... no siree! For accents shuttle back and forth across the...

"Dross and baubles!" A three-word review of  The Pirate Planet  by the salty cyborg himself? Perhaps. Not that there's much in the way of baubles, except for a compact and bijou planet made entirely from sweetie wrappers. But there  are  some monkish mentalists who need a decent kip, a dangerously incontinent tin budgie and a heaving metropolis of eight souls (or eleven if you include the cosmos's...

"Isobel... where are yoooouuu?" Come to that, where is Scooby Doo? Shouldn't he be with those crazy kids in the Big Smoke's syewers  (sic)  trying to take shots of scary Cyberm'n  (one of them's sick) . It's all because of  The Invasion , masterminded by perma-winking Tobias Vaughn and his woefully inept sidekick (and arse-kick), Packer. The Doctor has an eye for a photo opportunity, courtesy of o...

"You know, you're a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain." No, the Doctor isn't addressing your gentle hosts but Martin's favouritest actor ever is on the receiving end. It's  The Robots of Death  - a tale of unwelcome bike reflectors, irresistible make-up and ludicrous millinery. The Doctor and his mousy sidekick, Leela, are in a sand miner...

“The earth is hungry. It waits to eat. I can see them. They are the appetite beneath the ground.” Mark Strickson now regrets snacking on Daz before shooting his key scenes in the 1984 comedy-woodlice fest,  Frontios . And these unrealistic bugs are not the only threat to our bespectacled cricketer, rabid schoolboy and Australian android from the Ministry of Silly Walks. No, there's a meagre monarc...

"Suffering catfish!" And they aren't the only ones suffering as Jim and Martin trudge through the lively four-part story  The Time Monster , cunningly packaged as a six-part ordeal. The Doctor dreams of the Master, the Master dreams of universal conquest and Jo dreams of a time when her alien colleague doesn't keep treating her like a particularly backward schoolgirl. Queen Galleia is icy, the Bri...

"There are three physical gateways and the three are one. The whole of this domain, the ancient arch, the mirrors. All the gateways are one." You  what ? Run that by me again... Don't expect any more sense than this from anyone else, for this is  Warriors' Gate  - a tale with dialogue so oblique it makes Samuel Beckett sound like Dan Brown. It's an odd sort of a place too, wherein suits of armour...

“ It's all in there somewhere. Caramel, sherbet, toffee, marzipan, gelling agents, it's all in motion.” No, not a description of Jim and Martin's stomachs on Christmas night but rather the innards of the Kandy Man, part-time lethal confectioner and full-time Bertie Bassett stunt double. Yes, we're on Terra Alpha, a dystopian colony ruled over by painted Thatchalike, Helen A, and her gun-toting Hen...

"This game of hide and seek through time is wearing a little thin now." We couldn't have put it better ourselves, Chesterfield. Yes, it's the 1965 Dalek story The Chase we're talking about - a tale of bagpipe creatures, a highly annoying hayseed, living vegetation (gasp!), under-utilised plungers and a space pilot with a panda fetish. The Doctor encounters a robot look-unlike, Ian 'dad dances', Ba...

"In my presence, you are an ant, a termite. Abase yourself, you grovelling insect!" So once again Sutekh's arrogance management classes fail to deliver and he's left in his sub-Saqqaran tomb for a few more centuries, waiting for another gentleman caller. And he had a lot going for him: a puppet archaeologist, a loyal (if irascible) Egyptian organist, a low-tech PIN-pincher and some busty yummy mum...

"I am an idiot with a box and a screwdriver." So after 12 weeks of soul-searching and self-scrutinisation, this is the conclusion the Doctor comes to. Not the only disappointment, perhaps, during the two-part Series 8 finale, Dark Water and Death in Heaven . Clara is not the Doctor, Missy is the Master (though perhaps not one worthy of the name) and Dead Danny becomes a Cyberman who saves the worl...

No, we're not saying Dark Water was a non-episode - just that we're not going to do an individual podcast episode on it. Instead, we'll wait until the full two-part Series 8 finale is completed - Dark Water and Death in Heaven - before opening our pie-holes and spewing forth. After 10 weeks straight, we're sure your ears could do with the rest. See you in a week or so...   Jim & Martin Krynoid

"Farewell to the Ice Age. Welcome to the Tree Age. Possibly." Chilling words (possibly), even to the most ardent of tree-huggers. So the world is covered in trees and the TARDIS is swarming with children in the latest series 8 episode, In the Forest of the Night . The Doctor tries to work out what's going on, Clara tries to remember she's a teacher, Danny tries to dazzle the eye(s) of the tiger an...

"As from today... I can put any brain into any body, anywhere." Maybe there's finally hope for the Krynoid Pod boys then? Whether or not they're up for a shaved head and a sex change is another matter but that is the fate of Kiv, chief Mentor and mega-capitalist Sil-botherer, at the expense of poor old Perpugilliam Brown. Is the scenery of Thoros Beta competing with Old Sixie's coat for day-glo ga...

"Why Doctor Oswald, you are hilarious!" So Clara plays the Doctor, Rigsy plays her companion and the Doctor plays Thing from The Addams Family in the latest series 8 episode,  Flatline . The TARDIS has shrunk and swallowed the Doctor, while rugs are swallowing people and Danny may not be swallowing Clara's tall tales. Would you sacrifice yourself for the price of a hairband? Would you take a perso...

"Are you my mummy?" Yes, they couldn't resist it. No blitz-dodging, gasmark-wearing nippers this time though, just a rancid old vet that even a decent vet couldn't save. For he is the Mummy on the Orient Express who, despite his state-of-the-art soldiering kit is not really what the passengers had in mind when they were promised "all mod cons". The Doctor plays Poirot, Clara looks in need of a Cha...

"The Moon's an egg." Does that make The First Men in the Moon "soldiers"? No? Suit yourselves... Yes, Kill The Moon  is another fandom-splitting episode where science and credibility are cast onto the altar of pure daft entertainment. The Doctor opts out of a big decision, Clara opts out of the democratic process and Courtney opts out of school, hardly a way to brush up her presidential skills. Do...