Krynoid PodCast

"I hate conducted tours." Dodo single-handedly sows the seeds of the Doctor Who Experience's eventual demise, way back in 1966. This month we find ourselves in a land where greedy leaders feather their own nests at the expense of the downtrodden underclass. And it's much the same in Doctor Who's The Savages , screened some 52 years ago (badum tish!) The Doctor is drained, Steven is ordained and Do...

"Let's make this baby fly!" Said the uncool and un-Welsh Welsh rock 'n' roller Billy, who refrains (perhaps disappointingly) from drop-kicking the Chimeron child over the Shangri-La camp's Olympic size swimming pool. Yes, it's time to take a look at the distinctly odd Delta and the Bannermen , a tale of a baffling bee-keeper, unnecessary Americans, a shot-down stand-up and life-size plastic soldie...

"You have returned to us, Doctor. Your travels are over." But thankfully not forever. It was, indeed, a long way from being all over.  So Jim and Martin stagger to their century milestone with their biggest story yet, The War Games . It's an epic tale of trials, tribulations, heavily corrected (and impaired) vision, and a Very. Stupid. Voice. The Doctor plays with fridge magnets, Jamie plays the f...

"A delightfully unexpected afternoon." Well it won't take up much of your afternoon and there's very little that's unexpected here. For this is Black Orchid - a ripping yarn of bronchial brothers, lippy bookworms, smutty absentees and a child bride who's passed around like a gold ball at a Telosian rugby match. The Doctor plays the clown, Tegan cuts a rug, Nyssa finds her double and Adric eats dou...

"I don't work for anybody. I'm just having fun." Not so much fun for the cold turkeys, the cattle-prodded Mandrels and the eviscerated punters on the good ship Empress though. Yes, this is Nightmare of Eden and 'nightmare' could be seen as an apposite epithet by the crew and viewer alike. It's a heady cocktail of spiked drinks, unfortunate zips and insurance policy wordings. K9 needs some obedienc...

"I am usually referred to as the Master." Or some very slight variation thereof. Terror of the Autons is a story where a bloomin' cockernee is masquerading as an Italian, a Time Lord as an astral Mr Benn, Autons as an army of Frank Sidebottoms, and the man himself as BT's most sackable employee. Yet the Master can't muster the energy to think up an even vaguely misdirecting pseudonym. Plenty of im...

"I'm not a mountain goat and I prefer walking to any day. And I hate climbing." If you think Steven Moffat era Doctor Who taxes the mind, imagine being part of the 1965 audience and having to decode anagrams of the scripted lines on the fly. And the mind is boggled in many other ways by The Time Meddler . How can an 11th Century  monk have a wristwatch, electric stove and gramophone? Has the BBC l...

"It's getting rather exciting, isn't it?" Well mileage may vary and opinions certainly differ a wee bit between your intrepid hosts on this one. For it is The Stones of Blood , a tale of vampiric slabs, a reclusive mistress-villain with a morbid fear of lemon sherbets and the latest mismatched cop duo - Android and Wirrn. The Doctor wears a barrister's wig, Romana sports a chav cap and Vivien Fay...

"I am the Doctor... whether you like it or not." Ahem... awkward! Yes, this is Colin Baker's debut debacle as the Doctor, The Twin Dilemma . A tale of a Hurndall understudy in a dress, two bratty bowl-cut brain-boxes, pestilent parrot people and a hairy slug with an inter-species libido. And, at its centre, we have our 'hero' who tries to bluster, cower, whine and strangle his way into our hearts,...

"No-one on the Colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!!" Well maybe stop going on about them so much then? He's right though. This colony is lovely - except for the brainwashing, harrowing jingles, cheerless cheerleading, occupational hazards and the ministrations of hit security group, Ola and the Bootboys, that is. Oh and the Macra, of c...

"You're liable to wake up Old Nick going that deep!" And imagine old Nick's horror when he woke up after a BBC stag do and found that someone had given him a comedy eye-patch and a joke shop scar. But it's not just the Brig who's had an unsympathetic makeover in Inferno 's alt-right universe. Cuddly Sergeant Benton is now brutal bastard Benton and lovely Liz has adopted a nasty wig and an equally...

"What are you concealing from me, boy?" Not enough, some might say, for this is Castrovalva - where Master Waterhouse introduces the innocent and unsuspecting viewer to "Little Matthew" . But that's not the only harrowing element of the Fifth Doctor's first outing. The Time Lord himself is made incompetent (and incontinent?) by his regeneration but still gets to go on a self-propelling wheelchair...

"Whatever blows can be sucked." Not The Creature From The Pit this time but a story which could be said, in American vernacular, both to 'blow' and to 'suck'. It's Underworld - a production so maligned that even most of the sets refused to participate. A CSO mother lode in which Minyans are led by Minions, the proletariat dine on the very rock they mine and gravity does precisely whatever the hell...

"If anything happens, let me know." What do you get if you have two episodes to fill with no guest actors and no new sets? Well in the weird world of Lime Grove 1964, you get The Edge of Destruction - a veritable cryptic crossword with clues from another, different cryptic crossword. This is, of course, the one where Susan turns sinister scissor sister, Ian seems to have been at the TARDIS brown a...

"It was terrible... and then I got rescued by this bowl." No, not a symptom of BBC budget cuts - although its economically-priced, invisible owner may have been. It's the Planet of the Daleks - or, more accurately, the planet of the plants which either spy or spray, the molten ice which somehow isn't just water and the locals who are definitely more than meets the eye. Chuck into this great big ic...

"I'll turn the world we know into your enemy!" Confusingly, this isn't The Enemy of the World but in fact The Crusade - a swords and Saracens saga of identity theft, cross-dressing and honey traps. The Doctor is courting intrigue, Ian is caught in a sticky situation and Vicki is caught out cosplaying. Meanwhile Barbara and Princess Joanna are treated like sacks of flour and El Akir should surely b...

"She tipped the ambassador into a pit and threw astrologers at him." Public Notice: Beware of low-flying Russell Grants. What else could this be but 1979's The Creature From The Pit ? It's a somewhat green-tinged tale about an enormous slug who, despite being chucked down a pit and starved, still seems very pleased to see us. He shares the dank depths with Catweazle's charlatan cousin but they're...

"I shouldn't be down here at all, really. Driver, I am. See?" Yes, perhaps it would be better if you were absent, Evans. You certainly drive everyone up the wall. But the Welsh wimp is not the only peril in the London Underground in 1968's The Web of Fear. The slimmer-line Yeti now sling more web than Spidey, Professor Travers is now an old duffer cum Yeti whisperer, Harold Chorley is the obsequio...

"Rondel - intergalactic region devoid of all stellar activity" So how come it feels like we've gone on location to Rondel, rather than Amsterdam? There's certainly a lack of activity in Arc of Infinity - and a less than stellar cast, if it comes to that. But at least we have a trigger-happy Nyssa, a new look (but, alas, same personality) Tegan and a Doctor who seems to be staining his whites with...

"Oh, how very embarrassing!" That's what the unsuspecting viewer probably said in 1973 when the so-called "large and savage reptile" hoved into view at the top of the Ogron quarry. If only there'd been enough budget to show more than its dangly bits... But close your eyes for those couple of seconds and Frontier in Space will reward you with many riches. For where else can you find the third Docto...

"Well now, it seems I have been here before." You have:  Planet of Evil . Well... only up to a point. Sure the red-outlined empty creatures from the id are here again but this time they have Tom Baker's distinctive fizzog. As does the local equivalent of Mount Rushmore (although the DVD cover features someone else entirely, for some reason...). And cheap terrifying invisible monsters are causing a...

"I rather fancy that's settled that little bit of solution." OK, that's Billy going way off piste again but six-part saga The Sensorites is all about solutions. A remarkably serene Susan is the solution to an impasse on a spaceship, the devious Doctor finds the solution to a municipal malaise and the unlucky Ian drinks a solution which may well have previously passed through half a dozen Sensorite...

"Professor... what's going on?!" Good question, Ace. The last ever classic Who story to be recorded,  Ghost Light, is something of a period-piece puzzle - with a few pieces missing. But it does include dinner-suited monsters, gun-toting maids, an insane explorer, a simian sermoniser and a Neanderthal butler (doesn't every home have one?). This madhouse is presided over by a dusty but upwardly mobi...

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" Dunno. Have you watched The Golden Voyage of Sinbad? Hurrah! It's double helpings of Tom Baker in 1980's Meglos , one bristlier and greener around the gills than the other. It's a saga of succulents, savants and power supplies wherein Romana is fondled by a bunch of flowers, K9 is assaulted by a bunch of light opera extras and the Doctor is plagued by a bunch...

"There are soldiers all over my house and I'm in my pants." Not what happened during the recording of this podcast episode but a mildly diverting moment from The Power of Three - something of an oasis, some might say. Yes, this is the story of the boring slow invasion. The Doctor's bored, Rory's out of washing powder, Amy sniffs some milk and Brian spends hours sitting around watching the box. Nev...