Knock Knock, Hi! with the Glaucomfleckens

This week, Kristin and I dig into the alphabet soup of hospital emergency codes, and I break down what those cryptic overhead announcements really mean. We also talk about the latest round of proposed Medicaid cuts and why they’re more than just numbers on a budget line. Expect the usual tangents too! Takeaways: Ever wonder what “Code Brown” actually means? We’ve got you. Medicaid is on the choppi...

We’re marking 100 episodes by getting real about a moment that I've feared all my life. The moment where they asked if there was a doctor onboard this plane! Also: we talk about Dr. Elisabeth Potter, a breast cancer surgeon who stood up to UnitedHealthcare after they told her how to do her job—and then punished her for it. It’s infuriating. But it’s also revealing. Takeaways: There was a medical e...

Intern year. It’s the chaotic rite of passage where sleep goes to die, mistakes get made in real time, and everyone’s faking confidence until they figure it out, or break. This week, I’m sharing the moments that defined mine: the terrifying first night on call, what it’s like to be handed a pager when you still don’t know where the bathrooms are, and how that year almost broke me… but also built m...

It’s a wild week in healthcare policy and student debt. The so-called "Big Beautiful Bill" just passed, and I have thoughts. Spoiler: most of them involve eye twitching. From massive Medicaid cuts to a hard cap on federal loans for grad students, I’m unpacking what this means for future doctors, patients, and anyone who likes affordable healthcare (so… everyone?). I also take you through a retinal...

Ever wonder what happens when people with zero medical training start buying up hospitals and clinics? This week, we're joined by journalist Megan Greenwell, who’s spent years investigating the chilling spread of private equity in healthcare. We talk about what it means when medicine becomes a business, the moments that made her jaw drop during reporting, and why she thinks doctors and patients ar...

This week, I'm diving into the juiciest part of the eyeball—literally and historically. From ancient couching techniques that involved jabbing your eye with a sharp stick (yes, really) to modern lenses inspired by World War II cockpit glass, we’re going deep into cataract surgery's wild evolution. Also: a peek at what fireworks do to your eyeballs, my questionable thoughts on ASMR medicine, and wh...

This week, we dig into the surprising shift among voters who once supported private equity in healthcare—and may now be rethinking it. Kristin and I talk through what’s behind that change, plus a major headline about the first-ever eye transplant. And just when things start to feel a little too serious, we lighten it up with a chaotic game that puts our anatomy knowledge (and humility) to the test...

You ever have someone call you an optometrist when you're, say, very much not? Yeah… that happened again. So in this episode, I’m laying out the not-so-subtle (and sometimes very contentious) differences between optometrists and ophthalmologists—education, lasers, the whole thing. We also dive into the thin but mighty conjunctiva, the raging war against red eyes, and yes, my completely unsolicited...

This week, Kristin and I tackle one of the most frustrating—and frankly absurd—things we’ve seen online in a while: the claim that doctors want people to stay sick just so we can make more money. Yup, that’s a real thing someone said, and it sparked a Twitter firestorm. We’re diving into the bizarre world of social media influencers who spread medical misinformation with the confidence of a med sc...

Step right up to the medieval ophthalmology booth where your chalazion gets cured with garlic, mustard seeds, and just a dash of cow bile. This week, I take you on a Renaissance Festival-style journey through the weirdest eye treatments in history and how some of those relics have been rebranded for the modern wellness crowd. There’s leech therapy, eye “massagers,” and influencers promising vision...

This week, I’m solo, but not alone. I’m joined by Dr. Kaveh Hoda, a fellow medical satirist who brings the same energy I try to harness every time I put on a white coat and immediately start roasting the healthcare system. We talk shop about using humor to cope with burnout, the risks and rewards of medical satire, and why sometimes it’s more effective to joke than to rant. And yes, we draft sphin...

This one’s personal. I'm finally talking about the private equity takeover of medicine—and why Oregon might've just taken the first real step to stop it. We’re diving into the gray zone between burnout and buyouts, why docs sell their practices, and what that means for patients (spoiler: it’s not great). I also share some zingers for a classic surgeon roast and finally explain that weird thing you...

We thought we were just going kayaking with a group of young adults facing cancer and chronic illness. What we didn’t expect was how much First Descents—and its late CEO Ryan O’Donoghue—would completely reshape the way we think about healing, connection, and purpose. This week, we’re reflecting on that powerful experience and the legacy Ryan left behind. Also: I get dragged into a dating game scen...

Let’s get one thing out of the way: I’m not mad you called me at 2 a.m. about an eye. Really, I’m not. But also… were they just missing their glasses? This week, I’m tackling everything that drives ophthalmologists crazy—and how to avoid becoming that story we tell over drinks. From wild consults and missing visual acuity checks to what actually makes an emergency worth a call, I’m handing you the...

In this episode, Kristin shares what it felt like to take the stage for a major speaking event—and all the nerves, insights, and surprising audience connections that came with it. We also dive into some brain-bending eye science about tetrachromacy (a potential new color?!) and, of course, take a moment to roast the absolute rollercoaster of comments we get on YouTube. Spoiler: some are heartfelt,...

I just wanted to talk about the iris today. A chill, colorful muscle donut that controls how much light hits your retina and makes you look good doing it. But no. UnitedHealthcare had to show up first—again—with a story so dark it makes retinal necrosis look like a fairy tale. We're talking Do Not Resuscitate orders getting denied by algorithms and patients dying because no human was watching. The...

There’s vulnerable… and then there’s telling thousands of listeners about the time you almost pooped your pants at a conference. In this episode, we’re going there. We’re talking about digestive drama, poop shame, and why gut issues are so much more than a punchline. Kristin and I also dive into ARFID—Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder—and how it often starts with childhood trauma around fo...

I worked a Saturday clinic. I know, shocking. Even more shocking: I saw something I’ve never actually encountered in real life until now—acute retinal necrosis. So in this episode, I walk you through what that looked like, how I figured it out, why it scared the hell out of me, and what happened next. Along the way, I also spiral into the difference between horses, zebras, and unicorns (yes, medic...

In this episode, we’re unpacking the appointment of Dr. Casey Means as the new U.S. Surgeon General and everything that’s wrong with politicizing public health. Kristin and I get into functional medicine red flags, why “root cause” messaging can actually be dangerous, and the bizarre rise of raw milk influencers. (Spoiler: bovine tuberculosis is real, and no, we don’t want it.) We also talk about...

I was going to talk about corneas. Just a nice, focused anatomy deep dive. But then I found out UnitedHealthcare’s stock is down 20% and—what can I say? I got distracted by joy. So before we dig into layers of corneal meat (yes, I said that), we take a little detour into vertical integration, kickbacks, AI claim denials, and how a multi-billion-dollar behemoth is finally catching a whiff of accoun...

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at the word “wellness,” same. But this week, we sat down with Dr. Jillian Horton—physician, author, speaker, and actual expert on burnout and fulfillment—to talk about what wellness actually means… and why most organizations keep getting it very, very wrong. We talk about the burnout industrial complex, how “pizza-based wellness” is hurting morale more than helping,...

Five years ago this month, I died. I mean, not for long—but long enough. In this episode, I talk about it. The cardiac arrest. The four-year curse. The memory gaps. The part where Kristen saved my life on a mattress, then got told I was “end of life” and left in a hospital hallway with no cell service. I don’t usually get into this on the podcast, but it’s time. I also talk about what it’s like to...

Five years ago, my heart stopped. And this week’s episode is about what it’s been like to live with that anniversary hanging in the air. Kristin and I talk through how the week felt, what’s changed in the five year, and what hasn’t. We talk about the weird guilt of surviving, the unexpected joy of ordinary days, and how “the trauma anniversary” messes with your brain in ways even a cardiologist ca...

I started this week by crying with the internet and ended it by confiscating eye drops from unsuspecting patients, which is honestly peak ophthalmologist behavior. In this episode, I walk through a mystery case that showed up in my clinic (spoiler: droopy eyelids are rarely simple), explain why “clear eyes” doesn’t actually mean clear eyes, and rant about fake homeopathic drops pretending to treat...

This episode started with a haircut and somehow ended with me reenacting testicular anatomy, suggesting Jonathan join OnlyFans, and possibly getting sued by a health insurance company. So... par for the course. Kristin and I cover everything from haircut inflation and pink taxes to our high school pranks involving fake blindness (yes, I know). We also dive into a wild, and honestly kind of satisfy...