Kink Me Slow

A man can be confident, successful, masculine, and still want to give someone else control. And somehow, the moment he does, we start looking for an explanation. Is it about power? Relief from control? Vulnerability? Humiliation? Trust? Or have we simply decided that surrender needs a deeper psychological reason when it comes from a man? I’ve been reading the research, but I’ve also been exploring...

What happens when kink becomes part of your relationships, your work, your art, basically, your life? In this episode, I’m talking to Flame about the experiences that shaped him: a pretty fucked-up childhood, abusive relationships, power, submission, desire, and growing up thinking that some parts of himself were wrong. We also talk about porn, not just fucking in front of a camera, but how you ac...

Part Two of my conversation with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts gets a little more personal. We talk about how context can completely change the way our brain experiences the same sensation, why fear can feel good when we choose it, why stress isn’t always the enemy, what humiliation actually plays with psychologically, and what science knows about subspace. And somewhere along the wa...

What actually happens in the body during BDSM? Why was it pathologized for so long, and how much of that thinking is still hiding inside modern psychiatry? In part one of my conversation with psychiatrist and BDSM researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts, we talk about her work in forensic psychiatry, how she went from seeing BDSM as something strange and unfamiliar to studying it scientifically, and what she d...

How can non-consent be consensual? In this solo episode, I’m getting into CNC, consensual non-consent, and the fascinating psychology of choosing to give up choice. I look at four very different examples: — Rape and resistance roleplay — Kidnapping fantasies — Sleep play — Punishment What happens when “no” is part of the fantasy? Can you consent to surprise? Can you not want something in the momen...

I’m doing something a little different this week. Just me, my thoughts, and a little bit of nerdy science. For this solo episode, I wanted to talk about pain — and why it’s so often the first thing people think of when they hear BDSM. Is BDSM actually about pain? Why can something that looks painful from the outside feel completely different to the person experiencing it? And what happens when you...

I’ve been following Master Joshua for quite a while, and one of the reasons I wanted to talk to him is because he never gave me this mysterious Dominant vibe. Quite the opposite. He talks. He shows himself. And Joshua really doesn’t hide shit. He’s been a professional Dominant for more than 15 years, but this conversation goes way beyond BDSM. We talk about masculinity, neurodivergence, shame, pow...

For almost 13 years, Kathy Kay has been asking strangers the questions most people would never dare to ask. She's the voice behind the  Strictly Anonymous  podcast and the author of  Strictly Anonymous Confessions . For years, people have been calling her to share their secrets, fantasies, affairs, fetishes, and the parts of themselves they don't normally say out loud. This time, I got to...

I have a confession to make. I love nerdy conversations. Where you forget you're recording a podcast because you're too busy trying to understand why people are the way they are. That's exactly what happened with Elizabeth. She's a psychotherapist and a sexologist, and together we dive into the psychology behind BDSM, fantasies, shame,, jealousy, trauma, and We talk about where our...

Bruce has been curious for as long as he can remember. Long before he built some of Australia's biggest BDSM venues, hosted kink parties, or introduced hundreds of people to the community, he was just a curious little boy secretly reading the erotic magazines he sold at a railway station. What I loved most about this conversation is that it isn't really about BDSM. It's about curiosity...

Gula says that the body was her first language. And after this conversation, I understand exactly what she means. She moves through life like an artist, through sensation, tension, instinct, energy, and everything that exists before words. We talk about the little girl who wanted to be seen, the performer who found different versions of herself onstage, and the woman who discovered that the body o...

Today's guest is someone whose work has deeply influenced the way I think about kink, BDSM, and human connection. Few years ago, I came across one of Paul's articles, and it stayed with me ever since. So having this conversation felt very special. We talk about growing up with trauma, how our childhood quietly shapes the way we love, and why BDSM can become either a place to hide, or a pla...

In this episode, I talk to Queenderella - sex, intimacy and relationship educator, event and retreat organizer, and someone who has dedicated her life to creating spaces where people can explore themselves with curiosity instead of shame. This conversation is ridiculously funny, honest, and full of unexpected stories. We talk about growing up in Indonesia, how childhood shaped the way she sees lov...

This conversation is with a couple whose relationship completely changed the way they think about communication, intimacy, and even love. We talk about what happened when kink stopped being just something exciting to explore and became a way of understanding each other better. How learning to ask for what they wanted, hearing "no" without taking it personally, and talking openly about de...

In this episode, Masha and I talk about growing up in Russia, being a "good girl," first crushes, first sex, fantasies, masturbation, validation, pleasure, love, and all the weird thoughts nobody warns you about when you're trying to figure yourself out. This conversation goes from porn cartoons hidden in parents' wardrobes to choking, power dynamics, orgasms, heartbreak, relatio...

In this episode, I sit down with Kris to talk about her journey from a conventional life as an architect to becoming a professional dominatrix, shibari practitioner, educator, and one of the most authentic people I know. We talk about discovering kink later in life, the mistakes she made in the beginning, why education and consent matter so much, and how shame, guilt, and fear of judgment can keep...

Why do we judge things before we understand them? In this opening episode, I talk about the curiosity that led me to create this podcast and why conversations about sex, kink, BDSM, desire, shame, and relationships are often much harder than they should be. If you’ve ever questioned your desires, felt uncomfortable talking about them, or simply wondered why certain topics still provoke so much fea...