Kim and Ket Stay Alive... Maybe

Kim tells Ket about The Invisible Man (2020) starring Elisabeth Moss. In quarantine, Ketryn has become a full blown goldfish with a 3 second memory. But they do coin a new phrase: The Sammarmy. They protect the girls from a litany of internet trolls and they’re so grateful. So join The Patron Saint of Music and Edward Meat Tenderizer hands. Most importantly, we’ll learn if Ket will live or die in...

Ket tells Kim about Slaughterhouse Rulez starring Michael Sheen and Simon Pegg. It should have been Harry Potter meets horror. Instead it was confusion meets indigestion. Kim ends up having to carry her own donkey the final stretch and Ketryn gets sucked into her own personal Adam Scott Mandela Effect. In this time of perpetual turmoil, we all just want a pint of ice cream but that doesn’t mean yo...

Hi Sammies, we will not be releasing an episode today. This is our time to listen and to step up to support our black brother and sisters. Here are some links on ways we can engage and educate ourselves during this time. Join Kim and Ketryn in learning how we can be the best allies we can.  #BlackLivesMatter #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd #SayTheirName   Ways To Help from Black Lives Matter: blacklivesmat...

Kim tells Ket about The Lodge starring Riley Keough. The girls find them in a purgatory-like, snow space yet again. We learn that Kim’s 80’s ghost has been cheating on her and is engaged. Speaking of ghosts, the girls weigh in on who would be a better lay: ghost or demon? They’ll also discuss the venn diagram of their subsequent interests and discover that neither of them may be cut out for step-m...

Ket tells Kim about The Ritual starring Rafe Spall, Arsher Ali, Robert James-Collier and Sam Troughton. Kim teaches us all the British slang she’s learned over the years being a “right slag.” They try to decipher who each of their friends would be on this Lad’s Holiday that they would never go on (Kris is Dom). The girls also get a visit from The Village People. Most importantly, we’ll learn if Ki...

Kim tells Ket about The Conjuring 2 starring Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson. The girls discuss the Mandela Effect (which I could swear they’ve discussed before - but maybe that was in an alternate universe… like the one where Berenstein Bears is spelled wrong.) We get a glimpse into Ketryn’s troubling parenting ethos and we vow to burn all recliners. Most importantly, we’ll learn if Ket will live...

Ket tells Kim about the Fangoria film, Porno, starring Jillian Mueller, Robbie Tann, Larry Saperstein, Glenn Stott, and Evan Daves. Welp, the girls wanted to see more dick. Man, did they get it. Yeesh! But besides that, the girls want to remind you to shower before you go through the pearly gates of Heaven and to make sure you provide Heavy Metal Jeff with a death certificate of your loved ones. M...

Kim tells Ket about Slumber Party Massacre (thanks to their amazing Patrons!) starring Michelle Michaels and Robin Stille. It starts off rocky. They forget to cheers and therefore have to start the episode over and then Ketryn almost kills Kim with a crotch shot. They search, in vain, for a dick and the search is lead by a horny, 29 year-old pre-teen. But at least pizza is $6… oh, wait. Most impor...

Ket tells Kim about Harpoon starring Munro Chambers, Christopher Gray and Emily Tyra. The girls are still in quarantine and they’re gettin’ weird with it. Ket is buying too many pillows, getting weighed against her will, and erecting a gauntlet for Kim’s suitors. Kim is existing outside of space and time and all that exists for her is the here and now… apparently. So let’s drink some seagulls and...

Kim tells Ket about Tucker & Dale vs. Evil starring Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk and Katrina Bowden. The most important lesson we can learn is that being named Chad is not your fault… not changing your name, is. The girls reiterate the importance of  learning where the safety is on ALL GUNS. And Ket changes the theme of Kim’s hypothetical wedding to a “Tucker & Dale” theme. Most importantly, w...

Ket tells Kim about Repo (not man)! The Genetic Opera starring Anthony Head, Paul Sorvino and Bill Moseley. It’s their first remote recording since that quarantine life began and they miss each other’s faces. The girls contemplate starting the KKSAM band. Ketryn goes through a very complicated ‘Giles’ journey and they realize that sometimes the only solution is to just head straight to the moon. M...

Kim tells Ket about Bliss starring Dora Madison, Jeremy Gardner and our buddy Graham Skipper. Let the girls transport you back to a far simpler time when we could leave our house and all we had to worry about was vampires on bath salts eating our faces. Kim will learn she can ‘sit some out’, Ket will learn she’s far too anal about rent to do drugs and neither will learn the difference between a jo...

Ket tells Kim about our Patreon Pick, A Tale of Two SIsters starring Soo-Jung Lim and Guen-Young Moon. The girls begin to process the world-wide quarantine (WASH YOUR HANDS AND STAY HOME!) and bring you some little positivities to help you get through. They also discuss the origin of hands and what games they’ll be playing in the nursing home together. Most importantly, we’ll learn if Kim will liv...

Kim tells Ket about A Quiet Place (FINALLY) starring Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. What better way to brave the apocalypse than by watching a movie about the apocalypse? The girls decide that they need to beat the crap out of each other to see how quiet they can be. We also learn that anyone in Arik’s tribe during a quiet apocalypse will be immediately dead. Most importantly, we’ll learn if Ket...

Ket tells Kim about installment number 2 of the saga of Jason Voorhees starring Amy Steel and John Furey. We just gotta see how this whole “Jason thing” is playing out! Here are a couple things we learned about Jason: he is a clumsy turtle; he’s in need of a Rocky-esque training montage; he’s sporting… a burpsmap! How did you guys not tell us this?! Most importantly, we’ll find out if Kim will liv...

Kim tells Ket about A Dark Song starring Catherine Walker and Steve Oram. There will be a shocking reveal about who is actually more in danger of being cultified.  We’ll get to the bottom of Kim and Ket’s feelings on melons… FINALLY. Also, and most importantly, may we introduce to you our new best bro, Jerry Tooneytown. Most most importantly, we’ll learn if Ket will live or die in A Dark Song. Dir...

Ket tells Kim about Arik’s Birthday pick by The Soska Sisters, American Mary starring Katherine Isabelle. So grab an extra turkey leg from your sutured turkeys and buckle up. It’s gonna be a bloody, slicey ride. Ketryn will acquire a new Betty Boop impression to add to her very limited repertoire. We’ll test the marketability of a new candle scent: Bag of Rags and Skin. And the girls will work out...

Kim tells Kim about A Girls Walks Home Alone at Night starring Sheila Vand, Arash Marandi Marshall Manesh. It’s the third contribution to Women in Horror Month and our monthly Patreon pick! We’ll learn that Ketryn would be a really honest and forthright Vampire so excuse her fangs. We’ll get a visit from the spirit of Mona Lisa Vito when Kim identifies the make and model of the vintage car being d...

Ep. 79: The Love Witch: “The PSA for the Danger of Pheromones” Ket tells Kim about The Love Witch starring Samantha Robinson. We’ve got a love-addicted witch, ren-faire cosplay, jars of tampons, feminism and hot dudes. It’s basically Kim and Ket in a blender. We’ll learn many things like how to not be a turd little bird boy. We will NOT learn what Ketryn meant by ‘naked violent feet ceremony’ beca...

Ep. 78 ½: Don’t Fuck With Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer Did everyone do their homework? Kim tells Ket about the Netflix documentary Don’t Fuck With Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer about the monster Luka Magnotta. She bumbled through it for a full half hour so we decided to make it a bonus episode - this is what happens when we don't take detailed notes people!  But, seriously, fuck this guy. W...

Ep. 78: Tragedy Girls: “The Tale of Captain Hammerhands in the Wood Shop” Kim tells Ket about Tragedy Girls starring Brianna Hildebrand and Alexandra Shipp. Listen up, Erasers! Enrollment opens for Ketryn’s Female Anatomy Health class, open to boys ONLY! Y’all need to learn. We learn that Kim is a professional wooden pencil holder maker. The girls revisit their "autobiographical" webseries: The 3x...

Ep. 77: Fright Night (1985): “The Tale of the Journey of Amy: Girl, You’re a Queen” Ket tells Kim about our #Sammie Patrons' vote: Fright Night starring Chris Sarandon, Amanda Bearse, Roddy McDowell, William Ragsdale and the mysterious creature, Stephen Geoffreys. We learn what the absolute least sexy name is and we go on a sexual awakening journey with Amy. We’re going to go on a journey with Evi...

Ep. 76: Parasite: “The Tale of Big Grandma Energy 2020” Kim tells Ket about the gut-wrenching, critically acclaimed and award winning Parasite starring Kang-ho Sung, Sun-kyun Lee and Yeo-jeong Jo. We introduce you all to the mantra of the year: Big. Grandma. Energy. Also, who wants to pre-order our KKSAM cookbook sold on our new Goop-like lifestyle blog? Cuckoo Banana Stir-fry anyone? Whiskey mask...

Ep. 75: The Invitation: “The Tale of Code Red on the Kim Cult Alarm” Ket tells Kim about The Invitation starring Logan Marshall-Green and Tammy Blanchard. Kim revisits her budding career in the ASMR world and Ket, yet again, narrowly saves her from joining a cult. Constant vigilance! We quiz our #Sammies on some classic Ross Gellar moments and one character turns into a Spongebob Squarepants meme....

Ep. 74: The Evil Dead: “The Tale of Rickety Jickety Cream-Colored Turtlenecks Kim tells Ket about Sam Raimi’s OG The Evil Dead starring the one and only Bruce mothereffin’ Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss and Richard DeManicor. The girls’ brains will officially meld into one and we’ll learn of Ketryn’s childhood turtleneck trauma. We’ll also learn two new words but never learn why Cheryl is sooo extra. M...